alex27 Wrote:Well there is a lot of replies there, and a lot to digest. But I feel I may have confused the point. I am only sexually attracted to manly guys, I only fancy them, to be blunt I would not get an erection for any other kind of guy (or woman) Not the bad boy thing, I don't design my perfect man, clothes etc. But I know exactly what I want and what I like. I do have a very difficult time socializing with other gay men because I often feel uncomfortable, almost threatened when I am around them. I also see being gay as weak (please don't take offensive to that anyone)
I am in fact trying to locate a counsellor or someone to talk to about being gay because for me it is very complicated. In reference to someone's comment above, I don't like to identify myself as a man and tend to not like people to mention attributes about me that are male (like someone commenting on how my stubble looks manly etc) so I don't think that socializing with manly straight men would be what I need. I guess I am just very confused about it all, which is unusual because I know exactly what I want, but yet I don't really want a gay partner. If I could have a straight boyfriend that would ideal, which is crazy I know aggghhhh!
Finally, I don't want to have casual sex, and I don't regret not having it for the last 6 years. It does nothing for me and leaves me feeling very vulnerable afterwards. Sorry for the essay! Anyone who can bare to reply please do :-) Dean
So in -your- opinion gay men can't be masculine(manly) or strong? All gay men in your viewpoint are effeminate and weak? Am I reading this right?
Sounds to me like you aren't at all comfortable with your sexuality and you have a very biased view of gay men in the world. We aren't stereotypes, man, we are as diverse and individual as any other group of people in the world.
Straight doesn't mean masculine and strong, dude....and gay doesn't mean effeminate and weak. Maybe you need to try and see beyond your own perceptions and stereotyping and actually try to get to know people for -who- they are and not how you categorize them, hm?
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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I have to echo Gid on this. You really need to take a look at the stereotyping you're doing in your own mind.
I can't claim that I'm particularly "manly" but there are plenty of men out there that are. (Gideon, for one, although he really is just the tip of the iceberg.) Gay men do not mean "weak" men. In fact, hell, I've met more than my share of straight men that were easily far more submissive and/or "weak" in character (or otherwise) than myself. In fact, I used to emotionally top the hell out of one of them on a daily basis for years to keep him in line (to assist him in being an ethically responsible person).
If you want a dominant partner, that has nothing to do with being "manly". It has to do with having a dominant personality that will contrast your submissive one (which is what I'm getting a sense of here, and although I could be off the mark, I don't think I am.)
I also agree you need to get into some counseling to help you resolve these stereotype issues you've fallen into.
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Hey, what did I say about getting offended! The gay men I have met, have not been strong and masculine guys. I can only go by my own life experiences. I wanted advice and help, not to be "told off" Gideon!
In my opinion, the only gay men I have met have been effeminate or easily recognized as being gay, yes. I have spoken to manly guys online but they only ever wanted to meet up with guys for sex and nothing more loving. If you experience something in life that is how you learn to feel. I have never seen evidence of manly gay men, no. I am sorry if that makes me a bad person!
I have never seen the diversity that you mention in gay men over here in England, I have just seen what I said before.
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Okay reaching past my irk at the stereotyping here, Twist has pointed out something that I think it's the nail on the head here....
I think you are confusing straight men for -dominant- men. You are seeking a dominant, not necessarily a straight man(from what I've read anyway)....your submissive urges could as well be what you are finding...shame in. And I have to tell you right now as a DOMINANT that there is nothing weak about submission. In fact, I believe, I have -always- believed that it takes more courage and strength to submit than it does to dominate....
To have the courage to give up control, to allow another to have that power over you? Yeah, it takes something really special to give that to another person. It is a strength I admire and find extremely attractive. *Points up to Twist* He is mine, he wears my collar, he is MY submissive. Not -a- submissive but MY submissive, there is a difference in that that submission belongs to me and me alone. He doesn't feel that way for anyone else, he doesn't -react- that way for anyone else.
He is my submissive and yet he is the strongest, most intelligent, strong willed man I have ever met.
Gay isn't weak, dude, and submission requires strength and courage. And maybe you need to consider that you are seeking a dominant man...gay, straight or bi. Sexuality(other than their attraction to you) really has nothing to do with it.
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alex27 Wrote:Hey, what did I say about getting offended! The gay men I have met, have not been strong and masculine guys. I can only go by my own life experiences. I wanted advice and help, not to be "told off" Gideon!
In my opinion, the only gay men I have met have been effeminate or easily recognized as being gay, yes. I have spoken to manly guys online but they only ever wanted to meet up with guys for sex and nothing more loving. If you experience something in life that is how you learn to feel. I have never seen evidence of manly gay men, no. I am sorry if that makes me a bad person!
I have never seen the diversity that you mention in gay men over here in England, I have just seen what I said before.
*Grins* Topping from the bottom never has worked much for me, man. And trust me, this isn't "telling you off" It is giving you a reality check. A very mild one, actually.
If you can get past your offense at MY offense, and read my last post, you might actually find that I actually make sense and have some decent advice to offer, hm?
And maybe, just maybe, the reason the only gay men you have met are those who are effeminate and "obviously gay" is that you are stereotyping and are completely missing those "manly" and dominant men.
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No I am not a submissive guy in that sense, only in bed. I am not interested in playing submissive and dominant games with a guy. Being owned etc I really cringe at a lot of the fetish clubs and things I see! I have a gay friend who goes to a gay club wearing black leather and dog collars etc. The whole thing makes me feel real uncomfortable. I don't understand why gay sex cant be just regular like a lot of straight people. So many people are into sports kit/leather/bears/bondage/watersports/feet/etc. I just find the whole thing really uncomfortable and I always have done.
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Why wasn't my post approved lol?
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alex27 Wrote:Why wasn't my post approved lol?
It wasn't anything you said or did, man. Until you have 50 posts the system automatically kicks posts out randomly to be approved. Once you hit 50 you don't have to worry about that anymore
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Ironically looking at you and your partners profiles, you have very similar interests to me. I keep lots of animals, ducks/hens and love gardening haha. I shall go to sleep, hopefully my post will have been approved by the morning, I appreciate all the advice. :-)
Dean
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I'll check back for it later, man.
I know I can be an ass*Chuckles* But it kinda grows on you. No really, it does
*Laughs* Rest well and post alot to get past the random post snatcher thing. We -all- remember what a pain in the ass that was.
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