I liked men, had sex with woman, now attracted to her?

[Anonymous]

I’d like to tell you the situation that has now occurred in my life and I need some advice about it. It's going to be a long one though. I’m 31 years old bi guy. Many years ago, when I was 18, I only liked women and was even slightly homophobic. I met a girl and I fell head over heels in love with her. I lost my virginity with her and I thought everything was mutual between us but actually she was only using me. She never loved me and dumped me which broke my heart completely. After that I didn’t date anyone for about 10 years and then to my biggest surprise I felt attraction to a man. I never liked men before and at first I was angry about his attempts to win my heart but in the end I fell in love with him and we were together for 3 years. We broke up later but I was sure I’ll only be together with men now and I only paid attention to men.

And then there’s this woman who’s a very dear friend of mine, she’s 10 years older than me and we know each other for 7 years. We met in the time when she was having very hard time in her family – her husband was abusing her and forcing her to have sex with him. They have a child and she’s financially dependent on him because she has no relatives and it would be very hard to sustain the needs of her child and herself with the low salary she has. Now the relationships between her and her husband are better, they’re living together and raising their child together but he’s cheating on her. During all the good and bad things in her life I was always next to her, comforted her and made her feel happy, something that her husband has never done. However I never liked her as a woman and she also said she only sees me as a friend.

And then it happened – we slept together. She was spending time in my place along with her son one evening. She had had big argument with her husband and he had gone somewhere with his friend. I was also feeling down that time because a guy I liked didn’t respond to my feelings. I don’t know why it happened, we were just friendly hugging each other in bed trying to comfort each other and then everything happened. It was the best love making in my entire life and she also said that was the first time she was enjoying sex. I have to mention that she’s not that kind of person who’d sleep with just anyone and neither am I. But something happened, we wanted each other so much.

Now I don’t know how our friendship will function. Probably we’re not friends anymore after doing this, right? Probably lovers or something. She doesn't want to be together with his husband but feels obligated to do it, as he’s the father of her child and she thinks a child has to have his father as well as his mother and it wouldn't be honest to make him suffer and experience the divorce of his parents. She loves her son dearly and tries to protect him of everything. I know I’d like to be together with her, now I don’t see her as a friend anymore, she means a lot to me. I’d like to take care of her son but I know the boy loves his father a lot and may not accept me although we've good relationships.
What should we do now? Meet for sex? Stay just friends? We’re both confused.

[Rareboy]

I've got nothing.

[MikeW]

...What should we do now? Meet for sex? Stay just friends? We’re both confused. ...

Well, imagine how we feel. It's not that we don't care or want to be helpful but, how the hell are we supposed to know what you (two) *should* "do," Mr. Anonymous?

You're adults so you can do whatever you want. What do you want? Do you want to be lovers? Do you, sir, want to get involved in a relationship with a married woman with a child? You (both) need to really be honest with yourselves and one another. ... Because, if one of you is wanting a relationship -- perhaps to get rescued from an ongoing unhealthy relationship -- and the other is knows he prefers men to women -- well, to me, that doesn't sound like a good foundation for a *romantic* relationship.

But, then again, if you're adults you can structure any kind of "friendship" you want. You just have to know what that is and how to negotiate with one another about what your wants and needs are. Honesty with one's self and the other truly helps.

[East]

The only thing I can think of...let it unfold as it will. Forget about he male/female aspect....it sounds like you are bisexual so that part seems unimportant....

The only thing I can caution you about...make sure she didn't sleep with you because you were gay. It is a thrill for some woman to seduce a gay man...like it is from some gay guys to seduce a straight man...

[dynamodean]

Forget the labels and dictionary terms. I think so many people like to place themselves in little boxes to be checked off. We're not items on a grocery list. Don't worry...be happy...