Woman hitting on me

[Anonymous]

So I'm a gay man and I've very unpleasant situation with a woman who's doing everything she can to get my attention. I've a boyfriend, we're together for 4 years. She is my colleague, we're working together and I've to see her every day. At first her attention wasn't obvious at all, we knew each other at "hi" and "bye" level. Later she started to spend more and more time with me, offering to help me to do something or to have cup of coffee together. I thought she was a very nice person and from time to time I spent some time with her drinking coffee and talking about job things. I really didn't have any suspicion that she might be into me, because I'm not very handsome man and there are other men in the office that are a lot more attractive, at least in my opinion.

Then she started to dress differently when around me, to wear clothes that show her body more, like mini skirts and dresses with deep v cut. Once it even seemed to me that she didn't have her bra on, but I'm not sure. And when she started to touch me, like holding my hand or running her fingers through my hair, I realized that we needed to talk. I'm in the closet, but I understood I need to tell her I'm gay or else she wouldn't get the message. So I did, I told her that I'm gay and that I've a boyfriend and I love him a lot and that she's just wasting her time trying to get my attention. However she didn't believe me, she said that I cannot be gay, I just haven't met the right woman yet. She said she likes me a lot and she's sure there might be something between us. She didn't even want to listen when I tried to explain I like men not women. She was like "yes, I know such people exist,, but you're not one of them".

Then I told my boyfriend about this situation I've in my job. He became so very angry and was ready to come and show that b*tch how to touch his boyfriend. I persuaded him not to come to my job, because my boyfriend is quite harsh person, especially when angry and he'd probably make her cry in less than a minute. I don't want to hurt her, as it's not her fault that she has fallen in love with a gay men.

And it's been quite a long time already and her attention doesn't stop. Every evening I receive text message from her to my phone, she wishes me good night. I try to be as polite as I can, but it's like she doesn't even hear when I tell her I'm gay, I love my boyfriend and don't need anyone else. "You're not gay, it just seems to you that you are" is her only answer. She is sure than woman's presence and caring can change me to heterosexual. I'm quite patient person, but I'm getting tired of her already. What to do?

[JimmyEcho]

Tired
Who's got this one.

[CellarDweller]

She is sexually harassing you, and you need to report it to the human resources department at your job.

[Virge]

Wow.
Have you figured out your closet is your prison not your shelter?

If you were out of the closet you'd have no problem speaking to a supervisor about this.

There's no sense trying to give you any advice to solve this type problem (that's going to pop up again and again) until you work out your issues about coming out. Not one thing you wrote about would be an issue of more than a two day thing if you weren't closeted. You'd be in here having with us rather than going through this drama.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear.
I'm not going to lie to you about this.

[Anonymous]

I cannot come out to my colleagues. Most of them are men and quite homophobic. I need this job and won't risk losing it.

[CellarDweller]

You don't have to come out at the job if you don't want to.

The behavior she's displaying is sexual harassment whether you're straight or gay. If you speak to your bosses, and they talk to her, and she tells people you're gay, all you have to say is she's spreading rumors because she's pissed because you rejected her.

[Charon]

I cannot come out to my colleagues. Most of them are men and quite homophobic. I need this job and won't risk losing it.

And she knows it. Had you thought she's just as homophobic as are your colleagues and is having a fine time barbecuing you. At least look for another job...and put a leash on your boyfriend, he's the sort who will get you in trouble and, by the way, if you've lived with him for four years, don't people at your office know you at least live with a man? I'm in my 70s and if someone stays at my home for more than a few days, the word goes round that...fill in the blank.

[LJay]

Go to the HR department and have a very frank conversation telling them that you have tried to treat this woman in a mannerly way but that she is now harassing you. Then tell her exactly the same thing and cease to have anything to do with her other than what is directly required by work. Block her text messages. Refuse her phone calls. Return any letters, etc. Old style manners have their place and turning a cold shoulder on those who are mistreating you is perfectly acceptable. Do it. You need not discuss ANY of this with the others in your office.

[Camfer]

Can't you just block her number and refuse to see her outside of work?

[ETOTE]

She is sexually harassing you, and you need to report it to the human resources department at your job.

^this, this, this!

First of all, let's put the whole gay, in the closet crap on the shelf for a moment.
The fact is, she IS sexually harassing you...regardless of your sexuality or closet status.

Also, you should always avoid office romances at all costs....trust me, speak from experience.
Never shit where you eat....

The last one I had involved a married couple...a dude and a chick...it was a huge mess that made the whole office environment a nightmare for everyone for the better part of a year and eventually led to me losing that job.


If she won't believe that you are gay, just tell her even if you were straight, you have a policy of not getting involved with people at work, besides you are already involved in a serious relationship. If she does not leave you alone or tries to retaliate or blackmail you, def report it to HR but also just go talk to someone in employee relations even now so they are aware of what is going on in case she tries something against you.