What should I do? :(

[WarmWhispers]

Hi, this is my first thread here. May I ask some advice from you guys? Otherwise I have no idea how I could go through this week.

I knew this guy on an online website 20 days ago. He’s really a kind and cute man and we have a lot of common interests. We had great conversations by texting, sometimes it lasted the whole day. I never thought I would find such a nice guy in reality. So basically I kind of lost my cool. We finally met last week and the whole dinner seems pretty good. Afterwards we had a long walk and I walked him to the bus top.

Now the problems are:
We haven’t texted since two days ago. I reviewed all of our conversations which happened 6 times in total, there were 4 times I initiated (He begun the fist talk though). It is really not my style of being initiative all the time, since I would say I am a shy people in public. But looks like I am too aggressive this time and I guess he must think I am totally easy. The thing is that he replied every message quite patiently that he would write long text and cover all points I mentioned, it seems like he put thought and emotion in it. That made me think he might even have a bit feeling with me. He said he is really shy (Indeed he behaved very shy in the dinner). But I am so confused now, is it the reason he is so passive? Or he’s just sure that I will message him; or maybe everything is fine but he just found I am not physically attractive for him (since we have totally different type of appearance); or maybe he didn't think I was the same interesting as I was online; or maybe I am too ambitious and just need to calm down……..I imagined all possibilities but I can’t figure it out.


I don’t know if I should text him or ask him out again? Will that make me so cheap and easy and eventually ruin the whole thing?
I feel like I am such a loser. How could a 28 year old guy be such a naive teenager…I did date with people before, but I turned to be an idiot every time when I liked someone.....

In the mean time, there is another guy whom I talked with for a while a couple since months ago. He asked if we can grab a coffee this week. I don’t know if I should answer him. Is that gross you go out with another guy but you just went out with one guy last week? I feel like it will be kind of cheating (it is hilarious that I don’t even know if he likes me). But I really don’t know if the fist one will work out. I am so tired of guessing his thought, the latest two days are so miserable.

Thanks for reading all of the shit…Sorry for my bad English.

[Borg69]

Texting doesn't make a relationship. I think you're developing "Feelings" for these guys WAY too soon and getting emotionally attached before you even REALLY know these guys.

You're texting another guy and consider it "cheating" ??? You can't cheat on what's not technically yours yet. 1 date does not = married.

[Rareboy]

Texting doesn't make a relationship. I think you're developing "Feelings" for these guys WAY too soon and getting emotionally attached before you even REALLY know these guys.

You're texting another guy and consider it "cheating" ??? You can't cheat on what's not technically yours yet. 1 date does not = married.

Wow. This.

Get some perspective.

And don't push too hard. Try to allow a balanced approach to happen.

And stop texting unless you are arranging a date or saying thank-you.

Live in the real world as much as possible. Definitely go out for coffee with the new guy.

[East]

DEFINITELY go out for coffee with the new guy!!!!

Chances are the chemistry wasn't there in person for him which is the chance you take when you meet someone online. I would assume this is the case and move forward....

[Cinestry]

I can completely relate to how attached you get to people you have been messaging all day every day, it's happened to me so often too. I think it's a very good thing that you did meet up with him in real life, because as Borg mentioned texting does not mean getting into a relationship, something I learned the hard way.
I'm definitely an overthinker like you seem to be as well, I know how hard it can be to not doubt about everything, but I do believe it's worth it to at least try to calm down and talk about things in real life instead of over text. How hypocritical that sounds coming from me

[matty7]

well this guy did say he is shy and acted that way at your dinner date , I wonder if he's feeling like you too I.e is he thinking he should call you or text you too, or did you think hes not interesting or just plain boring ?? neither of you will find out unless one of you contacts the other - you don't have to ask him out on another date and seem pushy, just ask him how is he today etc,,general chit chat and maybe later ask if he enjoyed your meeting...if things don't lead anywhere then so be it...life's a series of failures and the odd triumph

[TwisttheLeaf]

In a potential relationship (whether it's a friendship, romantic relationship, etc) with a shy person, there will always be the necessity for someone to take the reigns. This is almost always -not- going to be the shy guy.

So you can either let him go, or take the reigns and see if he responds. But you can't sit back and wait for him to take the reigns if it's in his nature not to do so. It just won't happen.

From your post, it seems to me you would be happier with someone more forward. If that's the case? You should go for coffee with the other guy as he clearly has more potential as an aggressor in the development of a relationship if things work out.

[Nanaki]

Hello WarmWhispers and welcome to GS!

I agree that you should consider actually calling this guy you like just to chat, and seeing how the conversation goes. Maybe mention that you had a great time on your date and see where that leads. It would also be perfectly okay to ask him out again, too. Of course, that would set you up for possible rejection. But, at least then you would know his feelings for sure.

Regardless, I would definitely go out with the other guy for coffee.

[ShiftyNJ]

I can completely relate to how attached you get to people you have been messaging all day every day, it's happened to me so often too... How hypocritical that sounds coming from me

On the contrary; who better? Maybe tips on how you have successfully distracted yourself and gave things a chance to play out?

[WarmWhispers]

Texting doesn't make a relationship. I think you're developing "Feelings" for these guys WAY too soon and getting emotionally attached before you even REALLY know these guys.

You're texting another guy and consider it "cheating" ??? You can't cheat on what's not technically yours yet. 1 date does not = married.

You are so right, I apparently need to clam down.

I shouldn't say it is cheating, just don't know if it is appropriate I just started to date guys since 10 months ago. But never kept contact with two guys at the same time. So a little bit confused. lol