So I'm a 16 yr old high school student, and I'm bisexual. This girl who I started being friends with a couple months ago is getting really close with me and she knows I'm bi. Like she's so cute, tiny and all around amazing, I really like her. What bothers me is she's soo affectionate with me. For example everyday she will make me say I love her, she cuddles with me, gives me kisses on my cheek and we hold hands all the time. This week we went to the movies and she would cuddle with me and whisper things in my ear and be all over me and then say she's straight. She only tends to hold my hands and do this when people aren't looking, like when someone comes when we're holding hands she pushes herself away from me. Also in the beginning of this " friendship" I gave her a stuffed bear that she sleeps with everynight, she wears my sweater everyday and a hat I gave her. It seems likes she's so gay for me but then again she claims she's straight. I'm not sure if I should try and confront her and ask if she likes me or not. If I did I would have no idea how to tell her, plus wouldn't that ruin our friendship? I just want some feedback on this situation. Thanks
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Well if she knows you're bi I guess she'd have told you her true feelings for you. I think she's just teasing you, or making it more comfortable for you to stick around her.
I kind of have a straight friend like that. He knows I'm gay and is quite affectionate with me at some times.
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Is it simply possible that she is infatuated but maybe committed to not having sex so young?
Or perhaps she is in love with you but not erotically? Sounds very puppy love-ish.
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If you like the attentions, is there a reason you need to confront it and potentially ruin things? It could be she's just not ready to realize/accept what she wants yet.
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I do not know what your journey was like to reach the acceptance level of your own bisexuality.
However, many if not most LGBT go through a period of denial and trying to have both the accepted 'straight' life and the unaccepted LGBT life.
It is possible she is wrestling with desires and needs and can't bring herself to completely accepting that she is Lesbian or Bi.
The other possibility is that she is just physically attracted to you, but not sexually attracted.
The society you live in has few words to describe many emotions, and fails to understand that all humans thrive under physical touch. Casual touch such as a hand on the shoulder takes place because humans need to reach out and touch another human, and need to be touched.
This is a physical attraction which carries such things as comfort and saftey and tells the other "I trust you" and "I like you".
Yes it conveys love as well, but not all love is equal, and not only those who have lover's type love desire to hug/cuddle/snuggle, hold hands, etc with a person one cares deeply and profoundly for.
Friendships vary in depth and flavor as well. She may have strong kinship with you, but not in the sexual lover type of way. I suppose a BBF would be the closest concept, however there are other concepts such as 'sister'. While not related biologically or by blood, there is a closeness that is like that of two who are born of the same parents - sometimes even closer than that, but english has no word that describes such closeness.
Confront it? Hmm... I think there needs to be a bit of conversation and communication here. You two need to sit down and talk about what is is that you two share without immediately assuming that she is bi/lesbian, or that she wants to be your lover/girlfriend/spouse/mate.
Regardless, you two are too young for sex. So sex should not be part of the conversation or a short term goal here.
However if you both draw comfort and a feeling of safety from cuddling/hugging and holding hands, then by all means do so in times and places where both of you feel safe doing it.
Unfortunately society loves to shove people into slots and label people. Furthermore, few people are raised to understand the power and healing of physical touch for human beings.
In Korea young boys often hold hands, cuddle, snuggle, hug, etc and it doesn't turn sexual or lead to them being 'gay'. It allows them to have that most needed physical contact with another.
Our western society has long held negative ideas when it comes to two people of the same gender displaying signs of affection beyond very limited acceptable levels. Which is in contrast of what humans need and how humans evolved as a social species were a single hug can convey far much more than any amount of words.
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Thanks for all your help guys, I think I'm going to just talk to her and set some boundaries
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