Virgin and Newbie

[C6A08]

I don't believe you. I find it virtually inconceivable that we suddenly have not one, not two, but THREE virgins (aged 27-40) suddenly sign up on this forum in less than one week.
What is the end game for someone who signs up multiple accounts on GaySpeak for sole purpose of misrepresenting themselves? I don't know, but it is more than distasteful, it is SAD.

I piety you,
~Beaux

Hi Beaux, I did read one thread about a 31 year old Australian virgin guy who started dating, something like that somewhere on this site. But I'm not him. This is my first thread about virginity. I purposely signed up to post this question because I find many members here give very good and constructive advice, so I want to get you guys' comments on my issue too, which has been bothering me psychologically.

[C6A08]

You should do what you want to do and have realistic expectations. I agree, the chances of finding someone who is a virgin like yourself is not very likely.

But to do so, you will have to make it known that you ARE a virgin yourself and that you are looking for a virgin like yourself. Keeping it a secret because "I don't want the guys to like me or date me with the intention that they get to taste the first bite" is just ridiculous. It's what we call a psychological "knot" a "catch 22" a "damned if you do and damned if you don't," "shooting yourself in the foot," guarantee you'll NEVER find what you're looking for.

You apparently have no idea how difficult it is to find a partner, someone you really "click" with on a lot of levels. What you've done by having this mindset is narrow the possible candidates down to almost zero. Of course, miracles do happen. You may very well find someone *exactly* like yourself, a 40 yo virgin or, even if not 40, a total virgin with whom you find a mutual attraction and you'll end up falling in love and living happily ever after. I suppose it *could* happen like that.

But, frankly, to me that just sounds like some sort of fairy tale designed to keep one's self safe from ever having to experience the joys and sorrows, pleasures and pains OF REAL LIFE.

So, bottom line, if you're happy being a 40yo virgin and want to stay that way, definitely don't change your mindset or give up on your highly idealized romantic "principles".

Thank you Mike Yeah sometimes I feel I am too obsessed with those unrealistic thoughts... In fact nowadays all I look for is a guy that loves me regardless of whether he is a virgin or not. Or probably I will choose an experienced guy I like so much (doesn't matter if he doesn't) for my first night. I just want it to be memorable. Then I can forget about fairy tales and start looking for more sex! Lol. I do feel horny most of the time and I can't wait to experience sex actually... but it has to be with the right guy for my first time, that's all I ask for.

[C6A08]

Welcome to the site! Some ideas on your post.

1. I am always reluctant to tell people that I am a virgin and sexually inexperienced. I don't want the guys to like me or date me with the intention that they get to taste the first bite and then say goodbye. It will hurt me a lot, being used sexually. I want my first night to be special and memorable with a guy that truly loves me. Make "love" - it has to have love. I notice many guys are crazy about virgins, but some also said they would very much love their boyfriends who lost the virginity to them because it made them feel special. How true is that?

This can get sort of tricky. The longer you take to lose your virginity, the more....well, "sacred" one seems to hold it. It no longer becomes just a matter of "I want to have a good time losing my virginity". It becomes "I want it to be 'special'." And that can be problematic.

For instance, the first time you rode a bicycle, it probably wasn't like this:

It was probably more like this:

Why? Well, because you were new at it. You hadn't learned what to do, and how to make your body move to accomplish what you wanted to do.

And honestly, first time sex is a lot like that. There's a lot of fumbling around, some lost balance, and you might even fall off once or twice. But it can still be enjoyable and exciting. It's the first step towards learning this skill that (hopefully) you can continue to improve on, and enjoy for the rest of your life. The only real disappointment comes if you're expecting something like that top picture. Because it probably won't be. Expect it to be a learning experience.

That doesn't mean your choice of partner isn't important - it is. You DO want somebody who knows it's your first time, who wants to make it as enjoyable as possible for you. I've had sex with a couple of virgins (and one was almost your age), and they were both awesome. But I went in with the right expectations. I KNEW they were virgins, and were looking to me to take the lead. Which meant I took things really slow, made them feel at ease, and let them set the agenda as far as what they wanted to try. I wouldn't have done that had they not told me - I would've assumed they knew what they were doing, and it probably wouldn't have gone as well.

And yeah, some guys just want to hit it and quit. But there are guys out there who enjoy giving a guy a good first time. You just need to do something of a vetting process to make sure you end up with one of those.

2. I always prefer or hope to find a boyfriend who is also a virgin. Firstly, it's because of decency shown in him that he doesn't sleep around and has the same "special first time" thought like mine. Secondly, as we are both inexperienced, there will be no expectation, comparison and embarrassment if we do things wrong. Silly huh? However, virgins are rare nowadays, and it's said that having an experienced sex partner will make me feel better and lead me to a great sex. Which one is better?

I would definitely suggest an experienced partner. Simply because it's always better when somebody knows what the hell they're doing. My first time was with another virgin. And I won't say we didn't have a good time, but it was easily the worst sexual experience I've ever had. It was something like two buses repeatedly ramming into one another. When you're both new at it, there's a lot of looking at each other, wondering what happens next, and wondering if you're doing it all right. When an experienced guy is taking the lead, he can get you where you want to go a lot smoother.

I can understand the embarrassment of not being as experienced as the other guy in bed. But here's the thing about sex. A lot of it is about getting naked, not just physically but emotionally. It's about letting your guard down, and opening yourself up to possibilities - appearing to somebody without any "masks" or disguises. You're just you. And there's something very liberating about that. And that includes being able to say "I'm completely new at this, so I'll be looking to you to help make my first time a good one. Are you open to doing that for me?"

3. Is it important to be a good kisser? Again, I am worried about my first kiss creating the mess and shock to my kisser if he turns out to be experienced and notices my odd kissing. I was once told by a jerk who knew about my virginity and "kissless" past, that he would teach me how to kiss if we ever made out. What the hell.... Should kissing be taught to follow some kind of standards and styles or should it just go with feelings and mood and the flow at that moment? Tell me please.

I never took kissing classes - it's something you pretty much "learn by doing". Best bet - once you find the guy you feel comfortable with, just keep doing it (and asking for feedback). Keep in mind that not everybody likes kissing the same way. I was with a guy once where the kissing was unbelievably sloppy, which some guys would hate....but I found it the hottest thing in the world.

Lex

Hi Lex, thanks for the thoughtful comments and share of stories Yes, I guess I get the key word... "experience", which will make things easier. It's just a matter of finding the right guy for that, for me. Thanks again

[C6A08]

I'd say you're too focussed on the virgin part.

I don't consider it an achievement to be your first and I don't think it's particularly attractive.

I do understand that you want it to be with somebody who means something, but as MikeW points out, finding a gay partner isn't easy to begin with and I imagine it to be alot harder still as a 40 y o virgin.

Hi Cuddly. Thanks And yes, it is really getting harder. In fact in the past four years I have only come across two virgins, 31 and 24, but things didn't work out for us, or even get started though I try. I guess age is the issue here...? I'm too old to be attractive to them. Lol. But it's ok for me.

[Beaux]

There are two more? Where have I been?

Yes, yesterday a "31 year old virgin" posted a very similar thread and the day before or so a 27 year old, possible asexual who has never had sex with a man or a woman has suddenly taken an intrest in men....
It's like a virgin-asexual parade through this site this week...BULLSHIT.
~Beaux

PS--and let's not forget our recent asexual woman in a lesbian relationship whi just couldn't understand her partner wanting sex.....

[C6A08]

not true in my case. i am much more attracted to guys who are sexually experienced.

and virginity being a special thing doesn't apply when you've passed a certain age. a 31-year-old guy being a virgin, it's not special, it's pathetic. this thing with guys wanting to pop someone's cherry, they're usually talking about 16-year-olds, 17-18-19-year-olds. by the time you hit 30 (actually way before then) you're supposed to be a sexually experienced adult man. not having had sex before the age of 30, or worse, is indicative of some dysfunction. physical or social.

and yeah [MENTION=13210]Beaux[/MENTION], where is the third one? i only know this, and the 31-year-old. and i thought this thread was by that 31-year-old before i checked it.

Hi Mer, thanks Not sure if I'm physically and sexually dysfunctional. Lol. I masturbate almost everyday (skip one day in a week I guess when feeling too tired) and my cumshots are often ok (to me). I guess because I feel my sexual call was quite happily satisfied from that basic way, sex with a guy is not a must to me though very tempting and can definitely be different/ more fun. Social wise... casual sex is just not my thing I would say, and I am still finding that special guy, so I choose to wait but not sure for how long....

[C6A08]

I won't disagree necessarily - I don't see much point in holding the V card for decades - but I'll just say (again) that I've had sex with guys who were "older virgins" - and the sex was still awesome. For both of us.

Lex

Hi Lex, don't mind if I ask... Did any of those virgins you had sex with have cumshots very soon? My body is quite sensitive to physical touch, not to mention my private part. Probably because I've never been sexually and intimately touched? I once had a boner after a doctor had a prostate examination or some kind. Sitting there in my boxers with something protruding was one of the embarrassibg moments in my life. Lol. Anyway, I'm just worried that I will cum very soon on my future first night and it will kill all the fun and good moments... and turn the guy off. But I know I won't be able to control it.

[Lexington]

I dunno. If he's trolling, he's at least trolling politely. He's sounds like he's taking the advice he's getting on board. I have no qualms about giving advice to a possible-troll, because if the stats on the main page are to be believed, we've got at least ten lurkers for every posting member. Given that, chances are decent that perhaps one of them is an over-25 virgin. So even if the OP is laughing into his sleeve that the gargoyle swallowed his story hook line and sinker, my advice still stands to the lurking aging virgin.

But you can get the points for IDing the liar first. I'd be the last one to begrudge you those.

Lex

[Virge]

I don't believe you. I find it virtually inconceivable that we suddenly have not one, not two, but THREE virgins (aged 27-40) suddenly sign up on this forum in less than one week.
What is the end game for someone who signs up multiple accounts on GaySpeak for sole purpose of misrepresenting themselves? I don't know, but it is more than distasteful, it is SAD.

I piety you,
~Beaux

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AMEN![/SIZE]

There's not one thing we in GS are not willing to discuss and try to help others with -- but when people start making up crap and playing games in here -- well it screws things up for everyone who really is here trying to solve problems and get over issues.

[Camfer]

I'm 50 and I've been a virgin all day today. I'm not talking about last weekend, and that's that.