Disrespectful Cousin

[Lexington]

I understand what you're saying but all I want is the satisfaction that I called her on her shit.I don't expect her to change and that's not my goal.But nobody ever called her on anything.Everyone tiptoed around her for years to keep peace in the family.But once I let her know that I think what she did sucked I could move on without looking back.Can't you understand that? I just need closure.

You don't need "closure". You need to "win". You want a movie moment where you call out rhe bad character on her shortcomings, at which point she'll stand there slackjawed at her come-uppance, and the (presumably imaginary) audience watching stands up and applauds and yells "you go girl".

This isn't how life works. There is no fade-to-black, roll-credits moment. Life just goes on. And by engaing your cousin, you're simply continuing the drama. And drama should only be continued on soap operas, not real life.

I've had people in my life who treated me poorly. You know what I did? I cut them out of my life. I never had that wild-applause-and-you-go-girl moment, but I also have no drama in my life, and I can't tell you how much that kicks ass. Some might say that means these people "got away with" treating me bad, but I prefer to think taht they got the worst punishment of all - not getting to interact wirh soneone as awesome as me.

I'd suggest doing the same with your cousin, but if you're really in your mid-fifties and are still looking to "pay back" people who have wronged you (or your loved ones), it may be too late to teach this dog a new trick.

Lex

[ShiftyNJ]

Some years ago, my mother's brother did something involving family money which was terribly unfair to my mother as well as deceptive to some of the older relatives involved.

We were never very close (he has pretty traditional viewpoints about social issues that clash with my own) but this really tipped the cake for me. I promised my mother I would not make a stink about it (she managed to forgive him, and she was the real victim) for the sake of both the younger kids and their parents, but it changed how I see him. Ever since then, we (BF and I) don't go to their house, and really only interact with them as politeness requires at family gatherings, but no more. They're not unaware of this, and have made "you should come around more" noises a few times, but I give vague answers and leave it at that. He robbed himself of having me in his life beyond anything the family connection requires, and I don't need a scene out of Edward Albee to feel like I made the right decision. It was done more out of self-care as any inherent desire to "punish" him. I don't hate him; I could just never trust him, and as several people said, life is too short to invest much of your time in anyone like that. I'm sure he felt justified in what he did, just as I bet your cousin does. The likelihood of getting an apology and/or reconciliation seems pretty small.

[Darius]

If her meanness turns you into a bitch, she wins. Don't go there.

[himself]

If you're looking for advice on revenge, the South Park episode 'Scott Tenorman Must Die' should answer your questions.

[abcd1234]

I can't help it.I just can't stand evil people.By saying what she says she proved that she has more nerve than brain.

[Rareboy]

So.

Let.

It.

Go.

[Borg69]

Find your inner Disney Princess Drag Diva and let it go...

[Lexington]

I can't help it.I just can't stand evil people.By saying what she says she proved that she has more nerve than brain.

I can't stand pistachio ice cream. Which is why I don't order it.

Again, you're hung up on your cousin "winning". This isn't a contest. Your cousin sounds like a toxic person. And the wise thing to do with toxic creatures is to keep them as far from yourself as possible.

Lex

[Rareboy]

There are a couple of movies about winning.

And what the hero/protaganist finds is that:

[COLOR="Red"]The way to win the game is to stop playing.[/COLOR]