problems with my boyfriend and my gay best friend

[leslie]

I am in need of advice. I'm a straight female and I'm not gay at all. In fact the only gay person I know personally (apart from school/work acquaintances) is my gbf. He and I are super close and we share like everything!! He was there 24/7 during the worst time of my life (deaths of parents, a divorce) and if not for him, I don't know if I would've made it in one piece. Anyways, my boyfriend is jealous of him he gets pissed when I bring him up or ask any advice from my gbf. For my last birthday omg my gbf gave me a bday package that was out of this world cool, way expensive and crative and I couldn't stop talking about it!! The bf got me candles when he saw my other gifts, he went out and bought me a gold watch, which is great but after the fact, you know? We tried double dating with his bf, but his bf is very straightlaced haha and we like to party (me, my bf and gbf) but his bf doesn't get high and frowns a lot so it's not that fun. In fact, I think he's jealous of me actually. I cannot give either one up!!! But I find myself stilted and awkward whenever we're all together or even when his name comes up. And that's a problem if my gbf and I had the right equipment for each other we'd be together no question. We have often shaken our heads at that cruel irony because we are perfect for each other. So help!!!

[Lexington]

For my last birthday omg my gbf gave me a bday package that was out of this world cool, way expensive and crative and I couldn't stop talking about it!! The bf got me candles when he saw my other gifts, he went out and bought me a gold watch, which is great but after the fact, you know?

Oh, I know.

I think you know what the answer is here.

But welcome to the site.

Lex

[leslie]

Give up the best friend??

[ShiftyNJ]

It isn't the gay friend who is jealous or asking you to make sacrifices. Does your boyfriend decide what you're going to eat or wear, too? If he disliked one of your best female friends, would you cut her off? Does he exhibit this kind of jealousy toward any platonic friends you have who are straight?

You don't say which of them came first; I'm curious.

[leslie]

The best friend came first, by about 3 yrs. No he doesn't care at all about my girlfriends, just miles my best friend. He likes me to dress a certain way when we go out and go to bed, the whole lingerie thing but all men do. I'm just really conflicted, I don't like to stifle enthusiasm or fun stories miles and I have. Plus I'm keeping them apart so I'm literally torn with hanging out with one or the other. His boyfriend I don't really like because he's just serious and judgy all the time! Miles and I like to party and do crazy fun stuff and we ALWAYS have a fantastic time together. If I lost his friendship I'd lose my mind

[Borg69]

Unfortunately some straight guys just don't get the whole GAY thing... they just see a GUY getting more attention then he is. Where he should be viewing your GBF as a "girl friend" (best female friend), he sees him as a potential threat to HIS place at your side as a romantic threat/interest.

Straight guys are nice to have around, but not always the brightest tool in the shed.

[MikeW]

I've never really understood, [MENTION=13697]leslie[/MENTION] , why so many of my good friends don't like one another very much. Usually (not always) they can at least be cordial but friendly seems a stretch. Could be because I'm attracted to strong, independent minded and often eccentric personality types.

If it were a different era, I'd say dose them with some MDMA, and lock them in the sauna until they get over themselves….

[leslie]

No they don't at all. He can take only so long of us hanging out which makes me sad inside. He's a good man and I love him very much and want a future with him, but not at the expense of my best friend. At the end of the day though, I don't curl up or plan my future with the gbf. So it's just hard. I wish John (the bf) would just get over it!

[leslie]

If my boyfriend and best friend did THAT?? Got together themselves??? They would have one CRAZY BITCH on their hands omg now that would send me over the edge

[Cuddly]

Have you actually discussed it with your bf? Maybe he's feeling excluded, not jealous.