How normal is it to have sex only with people you love?

[Anonymous]

That's what I do. I'm a man in my early thirties and I will only have sex if I have serious relationships and the other person is important to me. If I don't have relationships, I'll masturbate or celibate. Casual sex and one night stands are and have always been disgusting to me. I had a talk with a friend of mine yesterday, we talked about our sexual life and he said I'm being ridiculous and that sex doesn't have to do anything with love.

What do you think?

[LJay]

What's your friend's email?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I did two one night stands to see what it is like. Both times was not very satisfying for me. Thus I swore off the whole casual sex thing.

The reality is there is a rather large number of gay men out there who feel as you and I do, that sex is a special thing, the icing on the cake of a relationship. Unfortunately we don't hang out at the clubs and bars because its all about booze and casual sex. Thus finding liked minded gay guys may be hard to do.

But we do exist.

About 40% of gay men declare that they think sex should be inside a relationship. It is predicted that as gay marriage catches on that more gay men will start seeing sex as part of the relationship/marriage thing and the Era of Promiscuity will come to a whimper.

Mind in the 1990's only 25% of gay men felt that sex should take place inside of a relationship. This is a reflection of how tolerance and acceptance of gay couples impact how we view sex. With domestic partnership and a push for civil unions and gay marriage and acceptance of LGBT as couples, we are seeing its impact on how individuals view sex.

Also understand that until the 1990's there was a strong belief outside and inside of the gay scene that two men couldn't really love each other. This lead to a hyper-sexual nature of homosexuality taking place.

Another impactr on how promiscuity has dropped is the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

Assuming your in your 20's, I would expect that by the time you hit your 40's the gay scene will be far less sex-driven and more about marriage and family.

[CellarDweller]

Hello anonymous.

There are other gay men who feel like you do, so you are not 'ridiculous'.

I am almost the same way. I don't necessarily wait for the word 'love' to be said, but when I do have sex with a man, it's someone I know well, trust, and care for. Then end result, I may not have the experience that other gay men have, however, I have no regrets with who I've had sex with, I've never wondered 'who' the guy is I just woke up next to, I've never worried about having any test come back positive for any STD, and I have happy memories about losing my virginity. That guy was kind, gentle, patient and he made my first time what it should be.

I don't judge anyone who has a one-night stand or anonymous sex, but that's not for me.

[Pyromancer]

I'm not sure what I hate more, having labels put on me or contemplating what is and isn't "normal". Obviously, wanting to have sex only within the context of a relationship IS NORMAL FOR YOU! Why would you even care what your friend or anyone else thinks? If I tell you, No, it's not normal, will you run out and start screwing anything that stands still long enough? I don't mean to be rude here man, but get a grip. Create your own, authentic normal and the hell with what anyone else thinks.

[Bricg1970]

When you are connected sex is another way to say to him: I love you.
Sex is more intense , fullfilling and joyful, is simply beautiful

[Lexington]

Dude, it's your dick and ass. You can give it to anybody you want, or to nobody.

My personal take? The better I know somebody, and the better we "connect", the better the sex is. That doesn't mean I have to know somebody for years (or months) before I'll have sex with them. In fact, I've had sex with guys I've known for less than a day. And that sex was still pretty damn good.

Lex

[East]

Love and lust are definitely two separate things....though they can often co-exist ...

[CellarDweller]

I did two one night stands to see what it is like. Both times was not very satisfying for me. Thus I swore off the whole casual sex thing.

When my mother taught me about sex, she said she didn't expect me to wait until marriage, because no one does that any more. However, she did say I should at least wait until I found someone I cared for, otherwise the sex meant nothing.

[Rareboy]

I can separate sex and love.

Although I usually loved the sex I was having.