Several othervrandom thoughts as I awaken.
Forgive the scattershot nature of this post.
I've noticed that young people who "just want a boyfriend" tend to consider themselves as just the opposite side (if not "the better side") of those who are more interested in having fun. And it's a bit like comparing Apple computers and Orange Juliuses. Let me explain:
Just so we can use an actual group, let's look at the GaySpeak population as your group of available gay guys. (Well, the gay male segment thereof.) Now consider that group in regards to these requirements:
1. You're looking for someone to have a pleasant three-minute conversation with.
2. You're looking for someone to have a pleasant hour-long lunch with.
3. You're spending an afternoon casually shopping, and you want soneone to accompany you.
4. To save money on a four-day vacation, you want someone to (platonically) room with, and hopefully spend the days with.
5. You need anew roommate for your apartment, and you'd like to be good friends with them, too.
I'm guessing most of us at GS could fulfll the first requirement. And you shouldn't have too much problem finding somebody to have a nice lunch with - I'd venture to say around half of us could be good lunch companions. The third one would be a bit tougher - you'd want somebody you click with somewhat, who doesn't annoy you. By the fourth one, you'd basically need something like a casual friend...and for a roommate, you're basically talking a very good friend. You might find one or two of us here to fit that, but it would probably take some vetting to discover which of us that would be. Guys who "are only interested in a relationship"? That's probably even more stringent than that last category. This isn't to say you couldn't find someone here to actively date, but it wouldn't be a given.
Now, consider going to a gay social group. Say there's twenty people there. Again, you're looking for somebody to at orast fulfill that fifth requirement...and possibly more. So odds are kind of stacked against you. Which is why guys in your position say "well, I went to this group activity once , but nobody was really what I was looking for." In essence, that's not surprising. Don't get me wrong. We'd all love to go to a "Guys That Fulfill All Of My Requirements For Friendship Who All Want To Befriend And Probably Date Me So I Can Choose Which Ones I Like Best" function, but we've never been able to pull them off.
Thus the social groups. If you join a gay biking group, for instance, that's two hurdles cleared - everybody there is gay and likes biking (as you presumably would, having joined). Now you just need to find guys there that like you that you like back. More hurdles, sure, but two fewer than you had.
Now consider guys who "just want to have a good time". They're more looking for somebody near that third category, or maybe even the second. For them, it's far easier to find somebody. Not because "all guys just want to have fun", but because the qualifications aren't as stringent. As an added bonus (to them), it often comes to pass that a guy they thought would be "good to spend an afternoon with"...ends up being more than that. A lot of Mr Rights were originally Mr Right Nows.
Mind you, I'm not saying you way is wrong. It's just going to be more difficult, just because the situation is built that makes it so. I actually never played the field when I was younger, either, and I ended up with plenty of gay friends and a few boyfriends, too. It took longer, but it happened. It just meant putting myself out there a lot, and not getting upset (or desperate) when things didn't go well.
Lex
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Capricorn
