02-28-2015, 05:08 AM
Sounds like you are experience PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). One of the symptoms is avoidance behavior, the other is feeling guilty and or 'stupid' or similar emotions which are illogical.
Panic is typical when presented with the chance of going through the same trauma type event. I suspect you may also have nightmares and/or flash backs as well. Flash backs are triggered by events in the current situation which can bring to the front the same emotions to full on reliving the event again.
The worst part of this is you are male and were victimized by a woman. Unfortunately the majority do not take this as seriously if the genders were reversed, and worst, because you are a man people call into question your manhood. Due to this most men do not see the assistance of the authorities, nor do they seek psychological help.
I'm sorry to report but there is no magic bullet that makes this all go away. Depending on your symptoms and how badly this affects your day to day life there are medicines that treat the symptoms, however that is only treating the symptoms. Treatment for the cause is therapy.
You have lost your trust in humanity - the whole kit and kaboodle. Yes one event, one person betraying you can make you distrustful of all people. Once that happens you need therapy, counseling, and need to rebuild trust in humanity as a whole.
There is no way to explain what you have been through in a simple, pat way that most people will be able to understand, because most people haven't been through this sort of traumatic event.
Some will call it 'drama' and walk away, others will feed off of this and make it worse. Then others will simply not understand and just not deal with you or it.
A good therapist can help you figure out what tools you need to work through the panic, to cope with the stressful emotions and learn how to reopen those doors you closed. Its not perfect. And it only works if you really work it.
As to why it is you draw these types like a magnet, its because you are you. Victims of abuse usually are attracted to personality traits of abusers. Abusers are attracted to the personal traits of victims. This is a well known phenomena and happens a lot.
Breaking that chain takes serious study of the behaviors and personality traits that you have that make you an open invitation to those who would cause you harm. Then you need to work on changing those behaviors, or at best realize when you are displaying them so you can gauge how the person you are interacting with is reacting to them. This of course means you need to get a bit of an idea of the personality traits of those who hurt you.
Since abusers don't come right out and say 'I'm an abuser', they have all of these tricks they have to gain your confidence, they appear charming and nice and decent when you first meet them, its not until later, once they get close to you and you are ensnared in their web that the real them comes out. Seeing that web as its being weaved early on can make it possible for you to get away before the shit hits the fan.
This is another area where a therapist can assist you, learning about yourself, learning about those others who are attracted to you for the sake of doing harm.
I will tell you this much, if you try to fix yourself on your own and 'break through' this on your own chances are very high that you will only do more damage to yourself and end up putting yourself through more misery than you need. I made that mistake, burying/hiding forcing myself to play the 'I'm normal/Everything is Okay' game and it didn't end well.
Thus I hope for your sake, you see professional help. There is no shame in seeking help.
Panic is typical when presented with the chance of going through the same trauma type event. I suspect you may also have nightmares and/or flash backs as well. Flash backs are triggered by events in the current situation which can bring to the front the same emotions to full on reliving the event again.
The worst part of this is you are male and were victimized by a woman. Unfortunately the majority do not take this as seriously if the genders were reversed, and worst, because you are a man people call into question your manhood. Due to this most men do not see the assistance of the authorities, nor do they seek psychological help.
I'm sorry to report but there is no magic bullet that makes this all go away. Depending on your symptoms and how badly this affects your day to day life there are medicines that treat the symptoms, however that is only treating the symptoms. Treatment for the cause is therapy.
You have lost your trust in humanity - the whole kit and kaboodle. Yes one event, one person betraying you can make you distrustful of all people. Once that happens you need therapy, counseling, and need to rebuild trust in humanity as a whole.
There is no way to explain what you have been through in a simple, pat way that most people will be able to understand, because most people haven't been through this sort of traumatic event.
Some will call it 'drama' and walk away, others will feed off of this and make it worse. Then others will simply not understand and just not deal with you or it.
A good therapist can help you figure out what tools you need to work through the panic, to cope with the stressful emotions and learn how to reopen those doors you closed. Its not perfect. And it only works if you really work it.
As to why it is you draw these types like a magnet, its because you are you. Victims of abuse usually are attracted to personality traits of abusers. Abusers are attracted to the personal traits of victims. This is a well known phenomena and happens a lot.
Breaking that chain takes serious study of the behaviors and personality traits that you have that make you an open invitation to those who would cause you harm. Then you need to work on changing those behaviors, or at best realize when you are displaying them so you can gauge how the person you are interacting with is reacting to them. This of course means you need to get a bit of an idea of the personality traits of those who hurt you.
Since abusers don't come right out and say 'I'm an abuser', they have all of these tricks they have to gain your confidence, they appear charming and nice and decent when you first meet them, its not until later, once they get close to you and you are ensnared in their web that the real them comes out. Seeing that web as its being weaved early on can make it possible for you to get away before the shit hits the fan.
This is another area where a therapist can assist you, learning about yourself, learning about those others who are attracted to you for the sake of doing harm.
I will tell you this much, if you try to fix yourself on your own and 'break through' this on your own chances are very high that you will only do more damage to yourself and end up putting yourself through more misery than you need. I made that mistake, burying/hiding forcing myself to play the 'I'm normal/Everything is Okay' game and it didn't end well.
Thus I hope for your sake, you see professional help. There is no shame in seeking help.