Im scared of hook ups

[Mikey]

Im scared of hook ups
I feel nasty thinking of myself doing them
My number is currently 1
and Im afraid of being known as "easy" or a "quick hit"
also im afraid of falling in love with the person im having sex with

Are hook-ups that bad?
Do they make u a nasty person if you do them?

I know a guy Ive thought about hooking up with but im scared that if i give it to him he wont want to be more and i kinda have feelings for him.

[LJay]

You have all of the usual conflicts, Mikey. With that one guy, why not talk to him about it? Yeah, right, like that's easy. Still, there is more of a chance he will understand that you are attracted to him for more than a hook up.

Are you a nasty person for hooking up? Most likely not. It is part of things. Some people are into it and some are not. Done safely and with frequent testing, it is not the worst thing you could do. there was a day when long term relationship developing into some kind of "marriage" was just not possible in the public view. Things are changing in that regard and along with those changes there may be a shifting attitude about hookups in SOME quarters.

It is possible to fall in love with the person you are hooking up with. If it is mutual, it is a hell of a rush. If it is not, it is a bummer. Life happens.

If you think you have a reputation for being easy, try saying no a few times. If your hookups are a little more developed than feel, fuck and flee, you may develop the habit of not hooking up with guys who talk too much. That can be a good thing.

Be prepared for contrasting opinions to follow.

[MikeW]

Hey, wow, another "Mikey" --- two in one day.

Welcome to the forum! (From another Mike)

Ummm… there is nothing wrong with hooking up. No, it doesn't make you a slut. I'm not even sure what a "slut" is but that's a whole other discussion.

That said, not all gay guys are alike. SOME are very into "hooking up" others, not so much. I'm more on that "not so much" end of the stick and always have been. Now, that's not to say I've never just hooked up with someone, for sure I've done that. But, like you perhaps, I tend to get emotionally attached to people fairly easily -- especially guys I'm getting physical with. So, it is something I sort of have to watch in myself.

About this guy you're interested in. Yes, it is possible that if you just "hook up" with him, that might be the end of it. But the question is, what would you prefer to have with him? If you'd like it to be something more than just a one-time hook-up, well, why not ask him out on a date? He'll either say yes or he won't. And in my book a "date" does not mean we're going to have sex (any kind). It *might* mean making out but mostly it means spending time together just he and I, maybe doing something we both enjoy (again, not sex).

It's not like there aren't any rules… its just, if you want to get your rocks off, and there are guys who want to get off with you, I think it is perfectly fine to do that. It's a win-win. But, OTH, if what you're wanting is something more, just being sexual can end up being less than totally satisfying.

But when it gets into the "dating" and "getting to know one another" arena -- that is the arena of a potential relationship of some sort (and there are many kinds) -- that's different, right? It's not that there can't be any sex involved, its just that there needs to be SOME communication and SOME interest in one another beyond getting all hot, horny and getting off. There has to be some measure of common interest or actually *liking of one another.

So much to learn. Keep hanging out with us!

[Virge]

Why would you feel bad about hook ups? Are you thinking about setting a world record for the most sex encounters per weeK? Yeah you ought to feel bad about that for sure.

Other than that just do the ones you feel right about and don't get stupid and let other guys talk your into hook ups you don't feel right about. That means learn to say
NO,
HELL NO, and
LOOK I'VE SAID NO TWICE WHY ARE YOU NOT LISTENING TO ME?

[Albie]

If you do not feel comfortable with a hookup, you do not have to. Some people like them and others, such as myself, do not.

If the guy you are pining for is looking for a hookup and you are looking for a relationship, then it would be much harder to work out as he isn't looking to settle down.

[Virge]

If you do not feel comfortable with a hookup, you do not have to. Some people like them and others, such as myself, do not.

If the guy you are pining for is looking for a hookup and you are looking for a relationship, then it would be much harder to work out as he isn't looking to settle down.

I never have either. I'd be embarrassed to give the real number of the guys I've been since the first one in 2005. Most people don't believe it so I learned to stop telling the truth to just anybody -- Now I double or triple it if I'm asked and they accept that. OR if I'm feeling like a smart ass I put it this way in an algebraic equation....

I had my first sexual encounter with a man in 2005. In 2006 I met guy #2 and spend three days and nights with him and began dating him long distance. By 2010 I quintupled the number of my new sexual encounters men with only triple the number of guys I'd had sex with, plus one. Since 2010 I've only had sex with the first guy I've dated.

Figure out the answer and you'll get a gold star.

[Pyromancer]

Don't do anything that's going to leave you feeling uncomfortable. And don't ever go into a hookup with the idea that maybe you can turn it into something more. It rarely happens.

I don't know what is or isn't right for you...you need to go with your gut on this one...

[Rareboy]

Enjoy them for what they are.

Sex. Pleasure. Fun.

Not romance. Not commitment. Not partner for life.

If you're lucky...one of them might be....but what they can be is a great way to make friends.

In bed.

[East]

I am trying to remember what I felt...and I am pretty sure that my foremost feeling when I fucked guys or got fucked by guys was "sexy"...I felt sexy ....

I never used the term "hookup" back when I had sex with random men...not sure I like the term really. I do like the term "fucking"...

I never had any religious training or brainwashing so I never felt "nasty" or "dirty"

Oh yeah...I did feel like a slut sometimes....and I loved feeling like a slut. It is what I was...and I was happy about it. I knew a ton of other sluts as well...and they all seemed pretty happy about it too.

The purity thing is kinda new for gay guys..and it is the direct result of having been born and growing up when AIDS was present...and not really being able to fully embrace "fucking" because of the fear of disease...and death.

[Lexington]

I am trying to remember what I felt...and I am pretty sure that my foremost feeling when I fucked guys or got fucked by guys was "sexy"...I felt sexy ....

This, sort of. Let me clarify

You ever do something creative? Writing, drawing, photography, whatever? Sometimes, when I do this, I feel myself really getting into it. I'm becoming a fully creative being. And that's a really good feeling. It doesn't matter whether the creation "works", really - it's the process itself of being creative.

Or maybe you work out, or play a sport. And sometimes, when you're really giving it all, I feel myself being a fully physical being.

Or maybe you work on puzzles, or work on something that challenges your brain. During those times when I really work hard on this stuff, I feel myself as a fully mental, thinking creature.

And sometimes I have sex. And when I do, I get into it as much as possible. I take off the inhibitions along with my clothes. I focus fully on making my partner feel as awesome as possible, and (secondly) making myself feel as awesome as possible. And when I do, I feel like I'm a completely sexual being. And it's very similar to the other situations I outlined above. It's a complete sense of self in one specific aspect of myself.

So I don't feel "sexy", as in "I think I'm really attractive to other people". I feel "sexual". As in, "I'm as currently a sexual creature that will make my partner and myself feel as awesome as possible."

Lex