My Boyfriend kissed his "ex" in front of me

[FSDTV]

Hello there, i'm new to the site and i come here for some advice...
I'm in a long distance gay relationship for about three years now, we met online when i was twenty, he's 25 years my senior, he's my first boyfriend and i really love him.
to give some background
i'm from South America and he's from the United States, i'm his latest acquaintance in the country, and all of his friends have known him way before we met. So every time he comes he has people coming over to see him, and sometimes that made me feel insecure, and jealous without a really strong reason to be.
but a year ago one of his friends whom he hadn't seen for 4 years was in town and payed a short visit at the apartment. the first thing he did when he walked in was offering a kiss in the mouth to my couple to which he replied with a kiss. that really pissed me off but i didn't make a scene because i didn't know what the meaning of all that was, this guy asked to use the bathroom and while he was away i confronted my boyfriend and he apologized for it, saying that it was just a friendly kiss and that at the moment he didn't know what else to do, and told me he wouldn't do it again. during the time he stayed with us he was catching up with my boyfriend (he doesn't know any english but my boyfriend knows some good spanish) and throughout the conversation my bf would ask me to translate when they couldn't make the other understand... anyhow the whole time he was there he gave looked at my bf in a flirty way and finally when my bf gave him the presents he had brought for him he got really excited and caressed his chest thanking him and after that he leant against him and rose his mouth for a kiss... but my bf pushed him aside in a gentle and polite way, he was hurt for the rejection and it really made me feel bad for him, a short while after that he left and in the door he approached my bf for a goodbye kiss and he kissed him back. after he was gone we argued and he kept saying it was just a friendly kiss and that it meant nothing and when i asked him why he replied the last kiss he told me that he felt for him, he would denny there was something between the two of them.
i was mad about it for a couple of days and after a while i moved on on the subject.
but last February when he came to visit we were talking and i asked him a bunch of questions about his acquaintences to discover they had a short sexual relationship when he and his previous boyfriend broke up, but that was one time thing because they got back together.
and then they didn't see each other until the time of the incident (around 4 years)
so i got mad at him and asked him why he didn't tell me a year ago when that happened and we talked, he said he was afraid of loosing me if he told me that, he told me that at the time this other guy didn't know i was his bf and apologized to him many times, he offered me to show me his chat log and i refused, believing in his word. but as the days passed i grew more and more curious to see the so called messages so when he was out i checked his phone and found that what he told me was truth, he apparently didn't know we were a couple and talked about how embarrassed he was for "abusing" his butt, after a day i told him i checked his phone and wanted him to explain to me what did he mean by "abusing his ass" and he said that before he left at the door the guy grabbed one of his butt cheeks. and also he had more recent chats in which both used flirty language, like fooling around.
he got mad at me for checking his phone, which i know was the wrong thing to do, but after that he apologized and excused himself saying that he sent him some old photos and he just friendly called the photos "yummy". he said that we had that conversation a year ago and that he meant nothing to him but another friend.
i don't feel like i have satisfactory answers on the matter, i feel he could be with whoever he wants and i don't know how to bring the subject up to discuss it now, that we talked about it again and specially now that we're over 5000 miles apart.

please i need some guidance here, i don't have friends to talk about it, i'm still in the closet to my best friends and the only close people that know about my sexual orientation is my family to whom i don't want to tell them about this.

[Beaux]

I am sorry, and hopefully someone here will see this post and be able to give you excellent advice...but I pass on this one. Too much wrong here...I pass...
~Beaux

[Lexington]

A child was once given the homework problem "what is 2+2?" Just to be sure of the answer, he asked a mathematcian, a scientist, and an economist.

The mathematician said' "The answer is four if you're confining yourself to the realm of real numbers."

The scientist said, "The answer is 3.9999762, with a 99% confidence to the third decimal place."

The econimst went down on one knee and asked, "What kind of answer are you looking for, kid?"

...what kind of answer are you looking for, kid?

Lex

[Rareboy]

Snap out of it.

Your jealousy is out of proportion to the event and makes you sound like an immature hysteric.

Maybe drama and jealousy is part of your upbringing...or maybe you are watching too many reality television shows or telanovellas...but seriously dude. If you want to destroy your relationship, you're making all the right moves.

[Borg69]

Distance and jealousy each and of it's own are vicious beasts to tackle... combine them and you're pretty much doomed. People have baggage, and pasts. You need to accept that.

I will concede that your BF perhaps could have done more to discourage the other guy, and the other guy was very out of line to flirt with your BF, especially right in front of you... but that's kind of a grey area at this point that either does, or doesn't mean anything until you get more facts. I don't think it definitively means he's cheating on you, or going to, at this point. He knows it upset you. See how he reacts the next time.

[MikeW]

[meridannight]

i didn't see a problem here either, (apart from the English being difficult to read).

[princealbertofb]

You have to try to think about his mouth as no different from his hand or his arm, or his back, or whatever part of his body. Those parts all belong to him, and he should be free to use his body the way he wants with whomever he wants. You could get annoyed and angry if you saw someone touching him in a way that he found uncomfortable or inappropriate (ie if you saw them abuse or rape, for example), if those people touched him without his consent. If he consents to being kissed on the mouth, or be touched, it's not really your place to be possessive about him. Similarly, your own body belongs to you and you should feel free to use your body as you find appropriate too.
We don't own our lovers' bodies. They consent to share them with us, so think of it as a gift every time he allows you to get close and intimate with you.
That would be my word of wisdom. It is energy wasted to try and control other people's dreams, other people's wishes, other people's bodies and other people's consent and will. Taken to extremes, this type of control could also amount to rape.

[Gideon]

You have to try to think about his mouth as no different from his hand or his arm, or his back, or whatever part of his body. Those parts all belong to him, and he should be free to use his body the way he wants with whomever he wants. You could get annoyed and angry if you saw someone touching him in a way that he found uncomfortable or inappropriate (ie if you saw them abuse or rape, for example), if those people touched him without his consent. If he consents to being kissed on the mouth, or be touched, it's not really your place to be possessive about him. Similarly, your own body belongs to you and you should feel free to use your body as you find appropriate too.
We don't own our lovers' bodies. They consent to share them with us, so think of it as a gift every time he allows you to get close and intimate with you.
That would be my word of wisdom. It is energy wasted to try and control other people's dreams, other people's wishes, other people's bodies and other people's consent and will. Taken to extremes, this type of control could also amount to rape.

I have to disagree *Chuckles* But I am, admittedly, a possessive SOB and have no shame in it. -Every- beautiful part of Twist belongs to me and me alone...

You can look, you can dream, you can fantasize..but nobody touches my boy but me.

[princealbertofb]

That's because he's consented to his body being dispossessed, that way.