I have Asperger syndrome and my boyfriend is an HSP
03-22-2015, 02:57 AM
My boyfriend recently found out he's an "HSP" (highly sensitive person). I have Aspergers. When i tell people this (my boyfriend included) they are amazed at how well-adjusted I am. I have come very far. My boyfriend has a hard time with loud noises, and more importantly has an impossible time accepting criticism. He thinks I am "biting (his) head off" or "picking on (him)" if I say something. He has repeatedly told me I must sensor myself or our relationship will never work out. I cannot be sarcastic around him. To him, it's the equivalent of being stabbed. I cannot get upset with him at 3 AM when he tells me to move over and I growl at him. That growl makes him so upset and it takes a good hour or two to get him to calm down and feel okay. I do not yell at him in the traditional sense. I say something with a certain tone and he considers that "yelling". I have never shouted at him.
There are so many communication problems with out relationship too. I realize every time he says something it means something completely different than how I interpret it. I have this same problem with his family members but nobody else I have ever come into contact with. It's like they have their own way of thinking and I just can't be on the same wavelength as them. It's very odd and hard to describe.
He will oftentimes say tell me how I'm feeling. I will reassure him that I'm not feeling that way. He refused to believe me. He also thinks I don't know how I feel. He thinks i don't understand the implications of what i do or say.
He has expressed several times how I remind him of his exes. Whenever we are fighting he compares me to them and makes me feel like the biggest piece of crap in the world. I have asked him several times to abstain from making me feel like his exes but he constantly does it.
Another thing is, I spend some much money and time and make such an effort for every holiday. He has not done the sae thing. I bake him a cake, make him thoughtful gifts, spend lots of money, and he appreciates it at the time A LOT but it counts as nothing later on. On my birthday, I had to buy my own food and he bought me three gifts I told him i wanted. I saw him buy them so it wasn;t even thoughtful.
He is always the victim and nothing he does is wrong. When we were downtown, there was construction. He covered his ears and I asked him not to because it was embarrassing. I said he was being dramatic and it wasn't that loud. He FLIPPED OUT in front of hundreds of people and made a scene SCREAMING at me in the streets saying maybe I should just find another boyfriend.
He is also really, really bad in high pressure situations. We were looking for an exit and I told him where to turn and he missed it and yelled at me for yelling at him so we missed our next turn and he just like gives up and says we need to solve our issues or whatever instead of just driving while we talk. he pulls over all the time and has to stop what he;s doing instead of multitasking. And if i make a counterpoint via text he tells me to hold on because he wasn't done talking. ??? Just say what you have to say.
So in conclusion, my boyfriend is a stubborn, melodramatic, needy, ungrateful, know it all with a victim mentality. I do not know how to work with him. He does not accept anything I say as true, I constantly find myself having to drop everything I'm doing to take care of his needs, and 99% of the time, nothing I say affects him.
What do I do with this relationship? i want it to work but it's extremely exhausting. i feel like I'm raising a child at times and my opinions and feelings are never taken into consideration. Everything he thinks is a fact.
Thank you so much if you read this entire post, it means a lot to me! I am really interested in seeing the responses. Thanks!
There are so many communication problems with out relationship too. I realize every time he says something it means something completely different than how I interpret it. I have this same problem with his family members but nobody else I have ever come into contact with. It's like they have their own way of thinking and I just can't be on the same wavelength as them. It's very odd and hard to describe.
He will oftentimes say tell me how I'm feeling. I will reassure him that I'm not feeling that way. He refused to believe me. He also thinks I don't know how I feel. He thinks i don't understand the implications of what i do or say.
He has expressed several times how I remind him of his exes. Whenever we are fighting he compares me to them and makes me feel like the biggest piece of crap in the world. I have asked him several times to abstain from making me feel like his exes but he constantly does it.
Another thing is, I spend some much money and time and make such an effort for every holiday. He has not done the sae thing. I bake him a cake, make him thoughtful gifts, spend lots of money, and he appreciates it at the time A LOT but it counts as nothing later on. On my birthday, I had to buy my own food and he bought me three gifts I told him i wanted. I saw him buy them so it wasn;t even thoughtful.
He is always the victim and nothing he does is wrong. When we were downtown, there was construction. He covered his ears and I asked him not to because it was embarrassing. I said he was being dramatic and it wasn't that loud. He FLIPPED OUT in front of hundreds of people and made a scene SCREAMING at me in the streets saying maybe I should just find another boyfriend.
He is also really, really bad in high pressure situations. We were looking for an exit and I told him where to turn and he missed it and yelled at me for yelling at him so we missed our next turn and he just like gives up and says we need to solve our issues or whatever instead of just driving while we talk. he pulls over all the time and has to stop what he;s doing instead of multitasking. And if i make a counterpoint via text he tells me to hold on because he wasn't done talking. ??? Just say what you have to say.
So in conclusion, my boyfriend is a stubborn, melodramatic, needy, ungrateful, know it all with a victim mentality. I do not know how to work with him. He does not accept anything I say as true, I constantly find myself having to drop everything I'm doing to take care of his needs, and 99% of the time, nothing I say affects him.
What do I do with this relationship? i want it to work but it's extremely exhausting. i feel like I'm raising a child at times and my opinions and feelings are never taken into consideration. Everything he thinks is a fact.
Thank you so much if you read this entire post, it means a lot to me! I am really interested in seeing the responses. Thanks!
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Capricorn
Sagittarius
your hatred for me is so hurtful to read. i know you are frustrated, but how can you say these things? I understand you need to vent sometimes, but I just dont even know what to say to this malicious thread.
