A Little Confused

[abcd1234]

I need your advice on something.The guy I'm interested in is very busy with his job and schedule.I know him a few months now and there have been plenty of signals like eye contact and some touching.He definitely is interested in what I have to say and looks forward to seeing me when I come to Paneras.He apologized for not getting in touch for a few weeks. He also checks me out when i'm in there.I'm getting very frustrated playing,"He loves me,he loves me not" I'm almost afraid to be more blunt because I have a fear of rejection and I happen to be nuts about the guy.On the other hand it may work in my favor and that's a plus.I'm at the point now where I want to know one way or the other.Even if the answer is not what I want to hear it's still better than not knowing and being stuck in limbo.I don't want to feel that i'm wasting my time.Even my therapist and my friends say that it sounds like he's romantically interested in me but I want more than subtle hints.What should I do ?

[Albie]

If you want to have a direct answer, ask him the direct question. He may like you, but is too busy for a full on relationship. If he doesn't give you the answer you want, at least you can move on rather than being in limbo.

[Beaux]

It is really hard to even try to predict what is going on white this guy on so little information. Tell us more about him. How old is he? Do you just see him at his place of work, or have you guys gone out? What has he actually said to you? Do you have similar interests? Goals?

~Beaux

[abcd1234]

Yes,we went out for coffee a couple of times.He complimented my appearance a couple of times.We talked a little about our families and hobbies we're interested in.He touched my hand a few times but we do hold the eye contact longer than normal.He must know I'm interested in him because I wink at him a lot. My friends tell me that I make it obvious when I flirt.If he knows i'm attracted to him and he continues to encourage it doesn't it mean he likes me too.If he didn't wouldn't he discourage my intentions?

[Rareboy]

Have you asked him if he wants to fuck?

[jimcrackcorn]

Nothing in what you said would indicate this man is interested in anything other than friendship,,, so far.

His touching your hand several times, or maintaining eye contact longer than expected,,, could simply be his way of being friendly. I'm not suggesting that you give up hope just yet, but that you continue dating him and see if he is willing to maybe do some cuddling & kissing,, or even hand holding. Relationships usually progress beyond "hand touching" if both parties are really interested in a romantic relationship with each other. Give it some more time and see how he feels about you.

Sincerely,
Jim

[Beaux]

You need to be more forthcoming with him about the relationship you are hoping for and see how he responds. Of course, that leaves you open to the possibility that he is only looking for friendship....in for a penny, in for a pound, yeah?
~Beaux

[MikeW]

… there have been plenty of signals like eye contact and some touching….

You know the problem with "signals" is they can, and often do, easily get crossed.

This here's the 22nd century already and although I know you, like me, were born more in the middle of the previous, where many of our tribe felt it advantageous to be circumspect, even secretive verging on cryptic when necessary, in this day and age it just isn't the way to go about things. There's no good reason whatsoever to be guessing about stuff like this. Is the guy gay or not? Does he know you are gay or not? If he is and he does, then fine… fantasize your heart out. But if the answer is "no" or "I don't know" to either of those questions then before you give this one iota of further thought, you seriously need to address these questions… WITH HIM.

[Iceblink]

We certainly can't figure out if he has any romantic interest in you and it doesn't seem you can either. This is just something you are going to have to ask him. What is holding you back from asking him? What is holding you back? He's not a coworker, family friend, or classmate where it is someone you must see in the event that it might cause some discomfort if you were wrong. Just ask him. If you are wrong and there is some embarrassment or you feel uncomfortable, he works at Panera, not a place where you must go so just don't go back.

[abcd1234]

Yes Mike he's gay and he knows I am,it's understood but he gives me mixed messages and i'd like to be sure.I'm afraid to ask him because if he doesn't feel the same way my bubble will burst.I decided to just treat him as a friend until he gives me reason to believe otherwise.If nothing other than a friendship is possible I'll look for my romantic partner elsewhere. I would think guys would make it more known and obvious if they wanted romance with you.Maybe I should look at it at face value and take it as a platonic thing.Meanwhile I could flirt with other guys to take some of the tension away.I'm just trying to protect myself.Bottom line is that I do like him as a friend too and I don't want to lose what we already have.Friends are important too.There's other guys out there for sex and love.So that's how I decided to handle it .How does this all sound?