A Little Confused

[MikeW]

But the thing is I am so afraid of rejection….

Yeah, right, I think most of us got that part. I duno what to tell you. It could be he is just being nice to you but has no romantic or sexual interest in you at all. I've certainly known LOTS of gay young men in my life with whom I've had very friendly relationships that were NOT either romantic or sexual…. and still do to this day. There have been times when I *wished* there could be something more and, when expressing that interest, had to deal with the rejection. It wasn't the end of the world. Yeah, for sure, I felt a bit crushed or perhaps even embarrassed but I got over it… you will to. And if your buddy is a good buddy, so will he (if he's not interested).

So far as romantic relationships the biggest age difference has been 10 years, so I can't really comment on that part of it. I think may/december relationships can work but they can also have their own set of problems unique to that kind of relationship. So… I duno. I don't see any harm in saying something like, "I'm quite drawn to you but I'm having a difficult time figuring out whether or not you'd like our friendship to go further. I know I would but I'm not sure how you'd feel about that?" ….

It's like, I don't understand why people are SO AFRAID to say THEIR TRUTH to another human being -- especially when the other seems to be friendly, is himself gay and so on. Do you really feel that personally vulnerable, like someone saying they weren't interested in you romantically would throw you into some kind of major depression or something? Sorry, I just don't get it.

[abcd1234]

I guess I'm just an oversensitive guy especially when it comes to love.I can't help it.It's just my nature. Maybe I should just keep this guy as a friend and look elsewhere for romance.I have this crazy notion that if I'm the best possible friend I could be to this guy that maybe if he does have those feelings they will come out naturally.It's sure a lot easier than putting myself on the line and having him tell me that he's not interested.

[Rareboy]

I guess I'm just an oversensitive guy especially when it comes to love.I can't help it.It's just my nature. Maybe I should just keep this guy as a friend and look elsewhere for romance.I have this crazy notion that if I'm the best possible friend I could be to this guy that maybe if he does have those feelings they will come out naturally.It's sure a lot easier than putting myself on the line and having him tell me that he's not interested.

This is the answer you've been looking for.

The easy way out.

You can drift along on hope for years that way. It has always been the time honoured way out for people who are afraid of being rejected.

If you are looking for complete companionship and love...including fucking like wild monkeys...stop wasting your time with this guy and get out there and find a real boyfriend.

[princealbertofb]

Yes Mike he's gay and he knows I am,it's understood but he gives me mixed messages and i'd like to be sure.I'm afraid to ask him because if he doesn't feel the same way my bubble will burst.I decided to just treat him as a friend until he gives me reason to believe otherwise.If nothing other than a friendship is possible I'll look for my romantic partner elsewhere. I would think guys would make it more known and obvious if they wanted romance with you.Maybe I should look at it at face value and take it as a platonic thing.Meanwhile I could flirt with other guys to take some of the tension away.I'm just trying to protect myself.Bottom line is that I do like him as a friend too and I don't want to lose what we already have.Friends are important too.There's other guys out there for sex and love.So that's how I decided to handle it .How does this all sound?

Things aren't going to happen with a bang, there's a launching period, an accelaration time, if you know what I mean. First there's ignition, which seems to be stalling... so make sure the engine's working, you need to probe a bit.

[BarryAndBryan]

Honestly, no matter you want from this person the answer to me would be the same thing....just ask....I know rejection is hard....but hey, we've all been through it...and usually it just makes you stronger....you cannot let that one moment of rejection outweigh the stress you are putting on yourself and the situation, just sitting around wonder....."what's going on?"....my advice is to just ask either way...be right up front about it....but if he is interested in you...you've got to understand that life is hard, and he may really just be very busy...everyone has to work to support themselves....so go into it knowing that he may not always have the time for you that you want him to have....it's always about give and take....but no matter what the outcome....I wish you luck...be brave...take a breath...and just take that leap of faith....life isn't worth living if you're too scared to take chances....

[princealbertofb]

IDK man...don't you think that may be a little too subtle? I kinda tend to go with the club on the head and drag back to my cave approach...

Haha, Neanderthals still exist then? They haven't gone extinct?

[princealbertofb]

When I first looked at this thread I did not notice your age, abcd1234, so forgive for being a little direct, but I do not intend it to be mean and I might be the first here to say it, but I doubt I am the first one to think it. You are much too old to still be "a little confused" about these kind of situations.

This sounds like one of the many threads from the late teens and early twenty somethings here, but they're new to the dating game. We even give a pass on this to those somewhat older than that because in the gay world many of us start later in life those early years of learning by experience when it comes to dating. When these kind of situations arise, by now the process should just be you weigh the options of asking him if he is interested in possibly something more or if you should just be friends. Once you've made a decision, you just live with it and do not give it much more thought, but at your age this should not really even be thought of as a process. This kind of thinking should just come naturally and without much effort. Look at the responses here. They pretty much all say the same thing. You are making something very difficult that is not really all that complicated. Maybe you should have some discussion with your therapist, not about how to ask a guy out, but if there might perhaps be some social anxiety or some other problem. An expert can help get to the heart of the problem, but not being an expert does not mean that others cannot recognize there is a problem and a 58 yo man still having such a quagmire in life about whether or not to ask a person in his life if the person is interested in something more is rather unusual.

I know you think he's being disingenuous, [MENTION=20912]Iceblink[/MENTION], but I'm afraid we aren't all equal in terms of life experience and certainly in terms of SOME experiences. It's quite normal to be a virgin in something or other at any time in our lives... So let's go with the inexperience thing, and go from there.