Straight People just don't get it.

[JohnSomebody]

I have straight male friends who are aware that I am a gay man and they all had said the same thing in regard to the fact that I do not act like the "stereotypical" gay guy that are accustomed to or heard about. This is annoying statement to me because like some of you mentioned ....not all gay guys are the same in a lot of ways. In fact...now that I'm older...I feel that if I meet someone and if they want to have sex...well..I like to have some kind of connection/chemistry before I give this any consideration and there have some guys that I've met in recent months that thinks I am weird for taking this approach. However, there are so many incidents where people are either getting killed or severely hurt being in similar situations that I just tend to be very cautious. Unfortunately, there are straight guys who do have this same approach towards women they meet as well. Its like a give and take situation that both gay and straight guys go through which results that both do have some similarities so to speak.

[MikeW]

I have straight male friends who are aware that I am a gay man and they all had said ... I do not act like the "stereotypical" gay guy ... This is annoying ...

Yes, it is. I suspect most people who identify with a repressed class (or ethnic group) feel the same way about the stereotypes used to portray them -- often reinforcing prejudice.

Don't know what we can do about it except just be ourselves. Then they're forced to see, "Oh, that guy, he isn't like that image I have..."

Or, if you want to get snarky, you might pick up on whatever 'ethnic group' these guys are from and say, "Oh, yeah, well I always thought all ____________ were _____________" (fill in the blanks). Like, "Oh, yeah, well I always thought all rednecks were ignorant jerks who wore wife-beaters and had gun wracks in the pickups."

now that I'm older...I feel that if I meet someone and if they want to have sex...well..I like to have some kind of connection/chemistry before I give this any consideration and there have some guys that I've met in recent months that thinks I am weird for taking this approach.

What's weird about it? No, seriously, what's "weird" is guys who want to have more-or-less random and totally anonymous sex in the brambles (or w/e). It's totally dissociative and damned near pathological.

I'm not *just* being judgmental here, for sure this is a judgement but its more than that: It's an observation of how social prejudice and sexual repression can FORCE people into pathological or near pathological behaviors. Worse still is that the society that forced such behaviors can then turn around and BLAME those engaging in them as "perverts". Sexuality in our society is fucked up -- and I don't care what one's sexual preference is. Yeah, it is somewhat more normalized for heterosexuals but a lot of that "normalization" is nothing but social convention that hides a far less "romantic" reality. Promiscuity and adultery is rampant in the "straight community".

So, what's really going on here?

I believe it largely has to do with our society's fixation on IMAGE (looks, money, influence) over SUBSTANCE; on "instant gratification" over "intimacy".

So, you've matured to a point where you now know that, yes, sex can be "just sex" and that's fine. It can also be something more than that.

That you've also experienced sexual trauma plays a role in this as well, no doubt.