Cheating : What is costs. What is destroys.

[Rareboy]

^ Mea Culpa.

I meant Jay but typed Ray....And for the record...I doubt if he is a class 1 sociopath. Confused and conflicted and maybe a bit panicked is more like it.

I want to believe that Jay is not a serial cheater while he has been apart from Virge all these years.

I'd like to think it was wild oats syndrome. But I understand that it was such a staggering betrayal of trust that a relationship might not withstand the strain.

[Virge]

I'm not trying to put anyone on the spot but I feel like I'm on the spot now and need to clear this up and insert some sanity before this type thinking goes too far.

IMO psychologists are only good at assessing others emotions and not their own.
... I think he subconsciously wanted to get caught. He knew Ray was home, he knew there was a security system. He knew Virge would question the sheets. He knew the consequences.

I think the move and everything else was too much too fast to assimilate. Virge did a great job trying to make him feel welcome but it was still "invading" someone else's space, changing too many self identities and no real sense of self other than Virge's husband. He panicked and threw a monkey wrench in the roller coaster. ... or he's a completely self centered idiot whom doesn't deserve his degree in psychology - but I'd find that hard to believe.

The big problem for Jay is a real one that's understandable at least to me. It scares the fuck out of him that I've got [B]Hereditary Hemochromatosis that usually doesn't show up until the late 40s. to to 50s. I'm 27 years old and will be lucky to get another 8 years without major complications.

That fux with my mind too but I do my best not to dwell on it. I understand what it does to him because I see it in his face and eyes all the damned time. He's already stayed strong in a constant state of alarm about my health for close to five years. He's human and there's not one damned thing I can do to take that pain and fear away for him because it's just as much my pain and fear as his.

Got it now? Can we move on past this now?

I'm not mad about anything. All I'm trying to do is what I keep trying to tell everyone we are all doing --- we're all just doing our best to make it from one day to the next with the shit and the "tools" we have to work with. That's all that Jay's doing, too. Yeah I'm hurt about it. Mad? No. These are the cards the way they've been dealt. It's up to us to make the best we can with them.[/B]

[Virge]

^ Mea Culpa.

I meant Jay but typed Ray....And for the record...I doubt if he is a class 1 sociopath. Confused and conflicted and maybe a bit panicked is more like it.

I want to believe that Jay is not a serial cheater while he has been apart from Virge all these years.

I'd like to think it was wild oats syndrome. But I understand that it was such a staggering betrayal of trust that a relationship might not withstand the strain.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I'm used to people getting them mixed up. I've done it typing fast.
No biggie.