Stuck

[MisterE]

Hello, hopefully someone will be able to help me. I'm a 21 year old man who is living with my family, and it's seriously getting on my nerves. I have no privacy, I'm watched and criticized for everything I do, and they seem to take pride in annoying me.

I do want to live alone, but it's just not possible. I have no form of income, I've never had a job in my life, and I don't have a high school diploma. People around me have been trying to push me into doing online classes to get my GED, but I really don't want to do that. I've tried online classes before, and I couldn't do them because of motivational problems. People seem to think that just because I'm on the computer a lot, that online classes would be easy for me. But nope, they're actually the worst. There are so many other things to do on the internet that it's so easy to get distracted. Physical classes are hard as well though because there is no form of transportation, and the times for these classes are just not ideal for me and my family.

Socialization is a big problem for me as well. I have no friends, and outside of my family I don't really socialize much at all. I definitely have social anxiety, and do tend to avoid people. Even when I was in school, where there were lots of people around my age, I was the shy one in the corner with no friends. So I have no experience socially, which is another big downfall. And I am rather isolated I feel. And when I was in school, after school I would just go back in my room and sulk for the rest of the day. I don't go out much. I do go out to walk the dog for like 30 minutes everyday, so that's a good thing. Other than going out with the dog, it is very hard for me to go out alone. When I go somewhere, it's always either with the family or the dog.

As for mental health and doctors, I did have psychiatrists in the past. The medication they prescribed to me didn't do much to help though. I used to take an anti-psychotic and anti-depressant but I wasn't noticing any difference (neither were my family). I did have a therapist as well. The therapist definitely helped the most, and she opened me up to the idea of walking the dog because before I was like so against it lol. And I do have better personal hygiene now. I'm taking a shower and brushing my teeth every weekday now. Much better than before, rather than laying in bed all day like I was.

That's all the information I'll give for now. Maybe someone can give some advice? Thanks if you can.

[Pyromancer]

You've given a lot of information about what you don't do and what you can't do...what would be helpful is if you could focus on talking about what you'd like to be able to do. What would your goals be? You mentioned wanting to live on your own - and then list the reasons why that isn't currently possible.

Sifting through, it sounds like you've made some significant gains - improvement in personal hygiene and going out on your own to walk the dog. The therapist helped - is there a possibility you could resume seeing the therapist? But even if you do, at this point it seems like the only person who can truly help you is you, in terms of making decisions and taking logical steps to improve your situation --- but I really do get how overwhelming that can seem. So I guess my first thought would be to see if you can find a therapist to help you do that.

[LJay]

According to your post, the one thing that has helped you to some extent is therapy. Get back to it and start from there. If you cannot afford it, go to the upblic health department and ask for options.

The fact that ou are able to communicate your situation so clearly is good. Now print this post out and take it to a therapist. Good luck.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I agree with the others who have posted. You don't need to be on medication to see a therapist. If it's a financial issue keeping you from going, there are public mental health services available in most communities in the US as well as many other countries.

I think that regular therapy could definitely help you in many of the hurdles you are currently facing and you should look into going back on a regular basis.

[MikeW]

Maybe someone can give some advice?

First of all, for a high school drop out you sure do express yourself quite well.

As others have indicated, you've said what you can't/won't do... not what you can/will or would even consider trying. Aside from wanting to live on your own away from your family, you've given no indication of what you want, much less what you're wiling to do to *achieve* that aim.

So, yeah, you have yourself tied up in knots, locked in your own self-suffering little prison. I've seen TONS of young men do that to themselves. To a certain extent I did that when I was around your age as well.

However, I *did* seek help... and that came in the form of therapy. NOT "psychiatry" (meds and prescriptions) but, rather, through a variety of modalities under the general umbrella of what used to be called "Humanistic" and "Transpersonal Psychology;" such as "Transactional Analysis," "Gestalt Therapy," "Family Systems Therapy," "Primal Therapy," and others.

Since you are so articulate, I assume you're fairly well read. I recommend you look into these different modalities and you might be particularly interested in the work of Stanislav Grof.

The bottom line is NO ONE CAN HELP ANYONE UNWILLING TO HELP HIMSELF. You have to want to change and you have to want to change badly enough that you're willing to give up your safe little prison. (However disagreeable and uncomfortable it is, it is SAFE because it is *known*.) You have to be willing to get outside your current comfort zone, experiment, find stuff that interests you, motivates you, and EMPOWERS YOU TO CHANGE YOURSELF.

No one can do that work for you. No one.

AND... unless you're independently wealthy... you WILL have to pay for all this somehow. That's the way it works in this particular corner of the universe.

[Lexington]

As others have said, you need to plan.

What do you ultimately want?
What steps are necessary to take to eventually get what you want?
Are there any intermediate steps, or "underbrush clearing", that has to be done before you take these steps?

I'll chime in with the choir that suggests therapy, as it sounds like that would probably help you get into a better headspace, and make any other steps you take somewhat easier.

Lex

[Borg69]

There isn't anything we can tell you that will fix you. It's true that some things come easier to some people than others, but that's not to say that you can't get them for yourself... IF you want it bad enough. What they get on their first try might take you several tries. There are a ton of people out there with various mental and physical disabilities. They manage to lead a full life. They also have to work harder at it than most, and not give up. You've said (very articulately I might add) several things you don't LIKE to do, and aren't motivated to do, or don't WANT to do... but I very much doubt they're all things that you really CAN'T do if you REALLY wanted to.

Many people deal with social anxiety, OCD, depression (myself included)... and we still have to get up, go to work, deal with people, have relationships, pay bills, earn a living... just like everyone else... NO EXCUSES!

[Wolfpack]

First of all welcome to GS.

Can you think of any hobbies that you could take up? And maybe use theses to meet new people. If you are engaged in something you like doing it may help you get over some of your social anxiety.

You like walking your dog, any chance you could walk dogs of people who live near you ? ( elderly people may like this service ) . Again this will introduce to new people, and it does not matter what age they are the more people you interact with the easier it will become for you.

As for working think deeply about what you would like to do and then put a plan into action.

Most of all look after yourself and learn to love yourself that much more.

[Bricg1970]

Proposed to yourself little things at the time you can accomplish, I was at your age very shy now I'm the opposite, go baby steps and build confidence little a little, overcome the fears, they are not real, they are only in your head, believe in yourself and let you out, ask for help, ex therapy helped so go, only you can make it