I only really came out to myself a few months ago, and I have approximately no one else to come out to. I have no friends at the minute, which may sound kind of sad/pathetic but it's not really that bad. The main disadvantage is that I want to try going to gay bars/clubs, but I'm not sure what it will look like if I go alone. I have no problem going alone, myself, but I'm not sure what other people would make of it. Would I look weird? Would it look like I've come there for one thing in particular? I really want to get out there, but I've been waiting to find people to go out with. I haven't had a sexual experience yet (apart from that time a few weeks ago when I walked in on my father while he was sat on the toilet, but it's debatable whether that qualifies as an actual sexual experience).
I'm sure a lot of people are alone when they first realise that they are gay and have no one to explore the gay scene with, so I doubt I'm alone in this. I just want to get some opinions/advice/stories. In general, people my age that I have met seem to look down on people doing things like going out and drinking alone or staying in and drinking alone, or breathing on your own. When you first came out, did you go out to bars alone or did you go with friends?
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Some people will think you are weird. Fuck em. They are probably too insecure to do it alone.
Some people may envy you being alone.
Watch this (delete the spaces):
www . youtube . com / watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs
I did it once. Had an awesome time. It is a wonderful to do things alone even if you have people to do things with. You get time to be by yourself, in a different place than just being at home.
I went clubbing myself. Had an awesome time. Chatted to some people. Then whilst waiting for the train home afterwards, got talking to a gay guy, and he's now a good friend of mine. We meet up regularly. He does it alone frequently.
You are more likely to meet new people if you are on your own.
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I have to say I LOVED when I went to bars and nightclubs by myself...I felt like I was going on the "perfect date"....
I liked to dance by myself and I also ended up talking to whoever I was next to if I was just hanging out or resting...
My advice...and this applies to gay bars or ANYWHERE in life...be open and friendly with people. Don't have any expectations at all beyond having a decent conversation...this is a really important part of the equation...people can sense it and they may shy away if they sense desperation or neediness.
If you do this...you will automatically "click" with some people and perhaps make new friends...
As for what other people think...if you can figure out a way to do it...put it out of your mind. One trick I used...and I said this to myself over and over...it is none of my business what anyone thinks of me
It helps a lot if you can master that one. I worked behind the bar in a gay club for 20 years full time so I used that mantra to cope with all kinds of BS
I can tell you one thing for certain...LOTS OF GUYS go to clubs alone...the majority of them do....and as far as I know...no one gave it any thought (going alone)...
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That's cool. I kept thinking that I'd look creepy if I went alone, even though I knew that there would probably be other people there who had come alone. I am looking forward to trying this out.
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I've been wasting a lot of time. I will make an effort to go in the next few weeks. I was also a bit apprehensive because I sometimes look like someone who cuts the heads of chickens for a living, but there's probably a subset of the gay population who have a thing for that kind of look.
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Going out alone is fine. I did it for years before I came out.
When I decided to explore I went to a gay club alone and ended up going back many times thereafter. It was a lot of fun!
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