What advice would you give a 15 year old boy?

[mvoco]

A friend of my mother's recently asked me to speak to her 15 year old son who has just come out to his family. She wanted me to advise him. I feel I'm the last person to give anyone advice right now.

His family reacted pretty well to him coming out but his mother is afraid of how others will react. He wants to come out to everyone at his school and she has images of him getting beaten up! I didn't come out until I was in college and I had a decent bunch of very good friends (most of whom had assumed I was gay beforehand anyway!) and my family pretty much always knew and I think were just waiting for the announcement!

Teenagers can be cruel, but obviously he needs to do this at some point. The only advice I can currently think of is 'relationships are hard bloody work and men will break your heart so don't even bother'!

I don't think this would be helpful.

[Lexington]

It's tough to give generic advice to a gay teenager - mainly because we live in a world where the reactions to a teenager coming out ranges from "utter acceptance" to "utter alienation", which absolutely every shade of grey in between. The first teenager I ever mentored ended up being from Iowa City, and his problem was "None of the other gay students at my school want to go out with me." Which...wasn't the issue I thought I was going to be helping him with.

So that might be the first question. Are there other gay-and-out kids at his school? How are they treated? If there aren't any, he of course can be the "trailblazer", but it's worth cautioning that the path of the person blazing the trail is always the toughest. And, of course, there's no backsies on this. He can't decide to go back into the closet if he chooses to come out to the school.

I'd suggest to him that he mentally go through his friends. For each one, how is his relationship with him/her? Does he feel like he can talk to him/her about anything? If so, those are people he should come out to first - perhaps starting with his closest friend. That friend might have another opinion on how the school would react to his coming out.

AS for as generic advice I give all gay teenagers? "Condom. Lube. Always. Buy them now and start practicing."

Lex

[Wade]

I've never been in such a situation, so I can only think what I know someone should said to me when I was 15:

"Take a shower every day, stop sadness eating and don't think that you're mom doesn't know why you're socks are so stiff when she does your laundry, you fucking pig. Oh, and the gay thing's not as big a deal as you think it is. Highschool sucks. Just batten down the hatches and wait til you graduate, and look forward to seeing your bullies get fat and bald on Facebook.... What? No, fuck MySpace. You'll see."

Hope that helps.

[MikeW]

A friend of my mother's recently asked me to speak to her 15 year old son....

That right there could already be a bit awkward. Your getting to know one another is being pre-arranged by other people for their own peace of mind. I'd agree to meet the kid IF HE WANTED TO. If he was being forced into this, I wouldn't even bother.

Of course there are so many variables, teenagers are all over the map in terms of there maturity level, sometimes from one minute to the next. What I'd want to do is get to know the kid, ask him a lot of questions, see if I could get him to open up and talk about what life is like in his world, what he's hoping for, what he's afraid of or concerned about, whether or not he has any questions about what its like being gay, etc. I'd just take it one step at a time and try and let him know that IF HE NEEDED to talk to a gay adult, I'd happily be there for him.

[Wade]

I actually agree with [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION]. In fact, I honestly think the whole thing's kind of weird. If you already knew the kid or he was family, then that'd make sense. But for his mom to be like, "What's that son? You're a gay? Hang on, let me find another one of those for you to talk to cause I don't know what the hell to tell you" seems somewhat unnecessary to me.

If you do end up talking to him, I suggest sticking to "congratulations on coming out. That took a tremendous amount of courage and you should be proud of yourself. Find friends that are supportive, don't worry about those who aren't. If you get harassed know that it's stemming strictly from their own insecurities and has nothing to do with you. You're in for a wonderful life."

That kind of thing.

[MikeW]

bump to ditch the disruption troll...

[Rareboy]

I would also stick with generic advice. I would leave it more as 'if you ever have any questions or need support, I am here'

[Borg69]

Tell him to join a gay youth group and socialize with peers whom understand him, NOT to fall for straight guys, and to always remember that sex and love are two totally separate animals, and that just because someone is willing to fuck you, it doesn't mean they love you.

... and wait until you're 18.

[mvoco]

Having never said anything more than 'hello' to the kid previously I did tell my mum and her friend that it would be random and awkward for me to suddenly start advising him but his mum was insistent! I'm with my family again this weekend and she arranged a "casual get together" for our families just to give her son and I the opportunity to talk! I can't help but think if she knew what I disaster I was she'd be keeping me away from him!
I just chatted to him, trying to suss out what kind of boy he is. I think I might be the first openly gay person he's met! He goes to a private boys school which places a lot of emphasis on sport. No one at his school has ever come out. As a 16 year old I had a clandestine snog with a boy from there! He certainly wasn't out and could possibly have ended up on the wrong end of a cricket bat if any of his "friends" had found out! I'm not sure what the school is like now but going by what the boy said I get the impression not much has changed and I'm afraid he's being overly optimistic if he thinks coming out will be without trouble.
To be honest, I'm not sure about the boy's level of maturity. He told me several of his friends know already, but they are all female friends who go to other schools. I didn't want to terrify the boy, so I just told him to think this over some more and really think about which friends he is closest too and how they might react.

[ceez]

I think one thing we overlooked here is that the mom is pretty awesome, so if he does come out and starts to get bullied I'm sure she will have something to say about it.