Love too soon?

[dog]

Hi all,

My name is dog, and LOVE dogs. But that discussion is for another thread.

My hornieness built up and I went on Craigslist last Monday. I posted a few times and I met with two guys. It was all mechanical sex (just about HIS cock and I didn't even finish and it was like they finished and then wanted me out).

However, I responded to a post from an older guy who wanted to "build trust" and get to know another man, and eventually be friends with benefits.

Since then, him and I have been texting non-stop. He is 37, I am 24. He is a nurse (what a turn on!) and I have always had a childhood dream to be a nurse. He is family oriented (more on that later). He is good hearted and shy, strong, kind, amazing, great, happy, fun, funny, and sexy. I am so lucky he chose me back.

I am so confused. I always thought I was Bi, but that I would never "love" another man, just have sex with them, and that I could only see myself "dating" a girl. But this hunk of a guy just melted all my barriers and I feel like I LOVE him.

Am I confused? Maybe it's too soon, we've only been texting non-stop for a week? Maybe I'm just infatuated, but we talk about more than what we are going to do with each other.

Oh yeah, we haven't met in person yet, only exchanged pictures. He's REALLY afraid because he is family oriented and it would ruin his family if word got out, even though I would NEVER open that vault and break my promise, and he trusts me completely. (He's not married, but his father is VERY anti-gay, and sisters and brothers too)

We are planning to hook up on Wednesday in a hotel. Ohhhh My Godddd!!!!!!

I really need help, I'm scared I might be in love with a man. I haven't told him "I love you" yet, but its on the tip of my tongue all the time. I'm afraid of what he'll say.

[jimcrackcorn]

You are still a long way off from developing a deep loving relationship with this guy,,, so don't get your hopes up just yet... He's still partially in the closet and want's it to stay that way, so he will want to hide any male relationship from his family which will eventually become a problem if you two do become romantic.

Another bad sign is your first meeting will be in a hotel - to have sex I presume. This is an indicator of what kind of relationship he is interested in having with you (sex)......

After hooking-up with this guy on Wednesday, try to arrange it so you two can meet up again in the near future to do other things besides hit-the-sheets. Go out for a meal, go roller-skating, hiking, fishing,, etc...... Any activity where you two can bond together in other ways besides sex.

Sex can be a good starting point to develop a relationship, but don't let it become the only thing you two do together,,, otherwise,,, you'll never get any further than just being sex buddies hiding out in hotel rooms once or twice a week.

Sincerely,
Jim

[dog]

You are still a long way off from developing a deep loving relationship with this guy,,, so don't get your hopes up just yet... He's still partially in the closet and want's it to stay that way, so he will want to hide any male relationship from his family which will eventually become a problem if you two do become romantic.

Another bad sign is your first meeting will be in a hotel - to have sex I presume. This is an indicator of what kind of relationship he is interested in having with you (sex)......

After hooking-up with this guy on Wednesday, try to arrange it so you two can meet up again in the near future to do other things besides hit-the-sheets. Go out for a meal, go roller-skating, hiking, fishing,, etc...... Any activity where you two can bond together in other ways besides sex.

Sex can be a good starting point to develop a relationship, but don't let it become the only thing you two do together,,, otherwise,,, you'll never get any further than just being sex buddies hiding out in hotel rooms once or twice a week.

Sincerely,
Jim

Thanks for taking the time to read. I wasn't thinking too far ahead haha. I know it's crazy what I'm feeling for him, that why I wanted to ask. We have definitely talked about going camping, skiing, going to a gun range.

Are you saying I should try to avoid sex sometimes so that we have many non-sexual intimate experiences? or should I not avoid sex, but plan dates without requiring sex.

[Camfer]

Skype with him first. Meet in public first, not at the hotel. Tell someone you trust what you're up to and when you'll be back.

You cannot love someone you haven't met. What you're experiencing is infatuation and hope and projection. It could work, but hey, slow down! The quickest way to kill it is to talk about love too soon.

[Pyromancer]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with infatuation, it's exciting and fun, it makes you feel happy and giddy...but just don't confuse it with love. Right now, you're infatuated with him. Maybe you could someday love him.

A couple questions:
-What does love mean to you? How do you define it?
-What do you want from a relationship?

I think that he made it clear that he isn't going to come out, and what he wants is an FWB situation. Nothing wrong with that, but it isn't love. Can you be satisfied with never having a BF you can introduce to your friends, always hiding the intimacy?

Go slowly with this. You don't have to settle for something less than what you deserve - a guy who's proud to tell everyone that you're his BF...Meanwhile, enjoy the hell out of this infatuation...

You went on Craig's List because you were horny and wanted sex...but you're building this up in your mind to something way more before you even meet the guy.

[MikeW]

However, I responded to a post from an older guy who wanted to "build trust" and get to know another man, and eventually be friends with benefits.

As others are pointing out, you're getting all attached to and infatuated with someone who is a) not out and b) looking for an FWB, *not* an on-going romantic relationship. So, yeah, I recommend your cool your emotional jets. I don't mean to take the fun out of it, or that you need to not have fun, all I/we are suggesting is you keep it in perspective within yourself. This is for YOUR protection.

The skeptical side of me is also a little concerned about hooking up with someone you haven't met in person. Remember, people DO LIE on the internet, about all kinds of things. Now this guy, he may be being totally honest with you. OTOH, what you're describing *is* the way someone with something (or someone) to hide would behave. Just saying. You've come to us for an outside opinion and advice. Our concern is for your health and safety, physical and emotional. Yours should be to!

[East]

I wrestled with telling you what I really think or not answering at all....

But...since we are getting close to Wednesday....

The whole family oriented thing...building trust....and you are meeting in a hotel? Um...that sounds like someone who wants to get laid but wants to pretend it is about something else. IMO...you are going on an interview to see if you are sexually compatible...and so is he.

..and you? You love what he told you...you love your fantasies.....I doubt you love him.

Here is what you can do though.....

If you get fucked and dumped....instead of going down the meaningless mechanical sex route...instead try to appreciate it for what it was....an interview..

[dog]

I wrestled with telling you what I really think or not answering at all....

But...since we are getting close to Wednesday....

The whole family oriented thing...building trust....and you are meeting in a hotel? Um...that sounds like someone who wants to get laid but wants to pretend it is about something else. IMO...you are going on an interview to see if you are sexually compatible...and so is he.

..and you? You love what he told you...you love your fantasies.....I doubt you love him.

Here is what you can do though.....

If you get fucked and dumped....instead of going down the meaningless mechanical sex route...instead try to appreciate it for what it was....an interview..

Yes, I have been having too much meaningless mechanical sex, and I guess I am infatuated with him because it seems he doesn't want that. I'm a little nervous now that this is an interview, because I want it to work out.

Thank you MikeW as well, I ruin all relationships because, if it was an analogy where a relationship represents two people holding hands and walking, when they start walking, I start sprinting, and they let go to keep their own arm.

Camfer - I will let someone know and I will ask to meet in a coffee place first.

[Camfer]

Yes! Let us know how it at all goes. We want the blow by blow, errr I mean, some of the highlights.

[East]

Yes, I have been having too much meaningless mechanical sex, and I guess I am infatuated with him because it seems he doesn't want that. I'm a little nervous now that this is an interview, because I want it to work out.

.

Just remember...a lot of things aren't what they seem....

If he really is that "deeper connection family oriented guy"....he won't have to tell you.

What he actually could be is a great fuck...or not...

One more thing...meaningless sex can be quite meaningful...and memorable... if you want it to be...