first love trouble

[GenerousGreed]

As the title reveals, i need help to clarify some confusing feelings.

Basically i have grown fond of one of my closest friends. I have known him for a couple of years now and am starting to realize that my view of him has started to change. i have also never experience love towards an other person, which is why i question these feelings so much.

We live in in different parts the country, so visits and communication is a little difficult. Whenever one of us travels for a visit or meet up during an event with our other friends, we usually end up hanging out, talking or during other fun activities. I catch being a little clingy to him, and to me. We always have fun together so i suppose that's why.

By this point i can easily refer to him as my best friend. He is also the first friend i have ever liked so much as to be the "best". But the thing that makes it complicated is that lately i miss him. it has come to the point where i am starting to question whether or not i am developing romantic feeling for him or not. i have told him that i am gay, and he took it really well, which helped me coming out entirely.

my feelings for him are not based on looks, rather his amazing personality

So my question is:

Could this simply be an intimate yet platonic brotherly friendship, or am i falling in love with my straight best friend?

and if i am either, any good advice to give?

Thanks in advance

[Pyromancer]

Let me ask...if you ARE falling in love with him, what then? If he's your best friend, you should have some idea of how he'd react...

Are you willing to risk losing the friendship if he reacts badly? Infatuations come and go...real friendships are harder to find.

[GenerousGreed]

Let me ask...if you ARE falling in love with him, what then? If he's your best friend, you should have some idea of how he'd react...

Are you willing to risk losing the friendship if he reacts badly? Infatuations come and go...real friendships are harder to find.

My friend is the very calm and collected type of person, which is the trait i like the most about him. I know for certain that he wouldn't take offence or become agressive, if i ever told him. On the other hand i don't know how it would affect our friendship afterwards. You talk about real friendships, and i really do think i have found one with this guy. That is also why i don't want to lose him. My main point is that i don't know what i feel at this point. but i also don't want to become stuck.

[Darius]

There is probably a fine line between romantic love and the love for a friend.
Your friend has all the traits you love in a person. It makes you feel good. He returns the love you feel for him, too. At 18, you are probably inexperienced in love, so it causes you confusion.
So what if you feel like you are falling in love with him? I'm not sure I'd tell him that, though. As you get more experience with all kinds of relationships, this one will probably take on a very special form of love for a friend. Enjoy your friendship with him.

You are probably hoping he is gay, but does he give off any signals he is?

[East]

I think that this is a situation that a lot of people find themselves in...and it definitely occurs a lot with women falling for their gay best friend...and also straight people falling for their best friend and gay people falling for their best gay friend...

What I am trying to say...think of it is a human thing....versus a gay/straight thing. For every gay man that has fallen for a straight man...there are 100 straight men or women falling for their best friend of an opposite sex....

...and most of the time...it all plays out as it should. One or both of you will move on and fall in love with someone else...or your feelings will change as one or both of you do...

...and sometimes friends DO become lovers...but not as often as we would like....

So my advice is to just enjoy your time with your friend and feel what you feel...but make sure you respect the boundaries.

[Pyromancer]

My friend is the very calm and collected type of person, which is the trait i like the most about him. I know for certain that he wouldn't take offence or become agressive, if i ever told him. On the other hand i don't know how it would affect our friendship afterwards. You talk about real friendships, and i really do think i have found one with this guy. That is also why i don't want to lose him. My main point is that i don't know what i feel at this point. but i also don't want to become stuck.

I didn't think he'd get angry or aggressive...more like acutely uncomfortable...and not because of the gay/straight thing...but just because he's your friend, he cares for you, and knowing that you have feelings that he doesn't reciprocate would make him worry that he was causing you pain and maybe back away a bit...

I had a female friend who told me she was in love with me and I felt awkward around her and...this sounds weird, I know...I felt guilty that I was causing her pain...I was so happy when she met someone else! We're still friends, although we've never regained the same level of closeness that we had before.

What you said about not wanting to get stuck shows that you're being realistic about this...I think you should remain open to dating other guys and give a lot more thought to how best to handle your feelings toward him...

[GenerousGreed]

I will reflect on what each of you have said. Until i figure it out for myself i will let things run their course

Thanks for all the advice ^^

[Lexington]

It may be a little of both. It seems especially common with young and/or inexperienced gay men that they end up developing feelings for friends, or for attractive guys that happen to live/work with them. I call it "convenience crushing", where part of your brain say "wouldn't it be convenient if this guy was gay and interested in me?", and we tend to mentally build some rather complex castles in the air around that thought.

Lex

[GenerousGreed]

It may be a little of both. It seems especially common with young and/or inexperienced gay men that they end up developing feelings for friends, or for attractive guys that happen to live/work with them. I call it "convenience crushing", where part of your brain say "wouldn't it be convenient if this guy was gay and interested in me?", and we tend to mentally build some rather complex castles in the air around that thought.

Lex

The scenario you just described fits my current situation disturbingly well. Thanks for the shared perspective Lex. I will keep that in mind aswell ^_^

[meridannight]

So my question is:

Could this simply be an intimate yet platonic brotherly friendship, or am i falling in love with my straight best friend?

i have no way to answer that because i am not you. you're the only one who can figure out your feelings and you should do so.

one point though -- when you're in love you'll know it. there's no ambiguity to the feeling whatsoever.