Afraid to have sex: Virgin here!

[Anonymous]

This is a bit embarrassing for me to talk about but, I am nervous about having sex for the first time. Even though I really really want to . I'm sure this is probably normal...

Anyways, I am very self-conscience about my body. I am ok with my body type and everything, but I don't know. I just can't shake the feelings that I might not be enough to satisfy someone sexually...

I've never been naked in front of anyone before. Hell, I can't even change clothing in front of someone else. I have a thin build and I'm like 5' 1" or so. If there is one part of my body that I am the most comfortable with it would be my penis (is it safe to say that word here?...) It is about average, I think; but I still can't help feeling anxious about revealing that part of my body to anyone...

I am also very unsure about how to go about doing it. I mean, I've seen porn before but I hear so many times that "it's not really like that in real life". I doubt that I'll need this advice so soon, but hopefully someday in the future...

[Edward]

Don't compare porn with real life sex. Porn is a movie where everything has been prepared and cleaned long time before filming. In real life sex sometimes is awkward and messy.

But don't you worry, when you'll meet that special person who's worth sharing your body with, all these whys and hows, all the doubts and fears will fly out of your head. Also remember that anyone who is willing to have sex with you, finds your body attractive and sexy, otherwise why would they be getting into the bed with you?

[East]

I am gonna keep it simple...get your head out of the way....

I think anxiety about the first time is normal..so are insecurities...but call them what they are and realize that everyone probably has had the same feelings to some degree...maybe even worse...and then RELAX.

Someone is going to think you are just perfect anyway....as you are...probably a lot of people. You should strive to be one of those people ...

[Darius]

I know this is off topic, but is the name "Anonymous" open to everyone who prefers to be anonymous or is it a name chosen exclusively for the OP?

I assume if some new person wanted my name, the powers that be would tell them that that name has been taken.

To me it complicates things if there are multiple anonymouses because when posters seek advice, it's helpful to know their posting history and their story.

[Edward]

I know this is off topic, but is the name "Anonymous" open to everyone who prefers to be anonymous or is it a name chosen exclusively for the OP?

I assume if some new person wanted my name, the powers that be would tell them that that name has been taken.

To me it complicates things if there are multiple anonymouses because when posters seek advice, it's helpful to know their posting history and their story.

Some people just don't want to reveal their real username for various reasons. Every member who doesn't want to show their username will appear as Anonymous.

[chibigiraffe]

I am gonna keep it simple...get your head out of the way....

I think anxiety about the first time is normal..so are insecurities...but call them what they are and realize that everyone probably has had the same feelings to some degree...maybe even worse...and then RELAX.

Someone is going to think you are just perfect anyway....as you are...probably a lot of people. You should strive to be one of those people ...

i understand what you're saying, but i feel i can never get over this anxiety and therfore i'll never be able to actually go through with it...

[Lexington]

Maybe it will help you a bit to know what's going through MY head when I'm going to bed with another guy.

If I take you to the bedroom, if we're making out, if I reach for your belt buckle to take your pants off...the wooing is over. You no longer need to impress me. If I'm taking your pants off, it's not because I'm thinking "Well, let's see if his penis is up to my standards, and I'll kick him out of bed if it isn't." I'm taking your pants off because I want to have sex with you. And whatever I find in there - be it three inches or eleven inches - is what I'll work with. And whatever it is, I can guarantee we'll have an awesome time.

Do there exist men who won't have sex with you if you don't "measure up", as it were? You bet. But you know what? They're not going to wait until you're half-naked in the bedroom before asking "By the way, how big is your dick? I'm not going further if it's not big enough." They'll let you know WAY before that.

Lex

[chibigiraffe]

my previous post was supposed to be anonymous, embarrasing... :redface: oh well...

thanks. this helped a bit. now i just have to put myself out there into the dating pool...

[MikeW]

my previous post was supposed to be anonymous, embarrasing... :redface: oh well...

thanks. this helped a bit. now i just have to put myself out there into the dating pool...

LOL... It's ok, chibi, I don't think any of us are going to be judgmental or make fun of you.

Guys put SO much emphasis on "sex," like it is some huge big deal. Well, yeah, it is in a way but in a lot of ways we make it WAY bigger deal than it is. Personally, I think sex should just be a way of having fun and *sharing* your erotic experiences.

The fact is, you have sex on a more or less regular basis.... with yourself, right? You know what turns you on and how to bring yourself to completion. Ok, now I know to a lot of people think "sex" means anal penetration. To me that's not the right way to think about it. To me "sex" is any erotic experience that gets me to orgasm.

So... keep this as simple as possible, you know? It is possible to get together with a guy and just get naked, watch each other jerk off, or jerk each other off. Like, if you had a profile on an app, you could just say that is all you're looking for -- and there are other guys out there who are looking exactly for that.

IOW, it doesn't have to be all that different from what you're used to already. The point is to give yourself and the other guy pleasure. So, to a certain extent you need to find out what works for him and what doesn't. Sometimes guys cum just by touching their dicks, other times it doesn't matter what you do, they aren't going to orgasm. They're used to doing it themselves and its the only thing that really works for them. But even so, that doesn't mean that whatever else you do can't feel good and be pleasurable.

All I'm really wanting to do here is just try and get you out of your fear a bit. For sure you're going to experience some of that, just don't let it stop you. Someone once told me, "fear is just excitement turned upside down." Let yourself have the excitement! And don't be surprised after your first time doing something you come away from it wondering what all the fuss was about.

[East]

i understand what you're saying, but i feel i can never get over this anxiety and therfore i'll never be able to actually go through with it...

I used to get a different kind of anxiety....sorta....

I got anxiety...sometimes really bad...when a guy would want it to be more than what it was after we were already fucking or about to fuck...force intimacy on me...talk about "making love".... EEK....all of that stuff would induce anxiety.....

In a way...it was the same as you because I was hoping a guy would like me how I was....I just waited until after it began and based my anxiety on how they reacted to me and if they wanted me to be something I wasn't....

I am sure a lot of guys would like you how you are...seriously...alot of your anxiety before the fact might be tied to your family not accepting you as you are. That kind of psychological imprint can do a lot of damage...and it is why it is always best to address those issues because they will manifest in other parts of your life and even become toxic until you do come to terms with them....