Something that has turned me on from a young age

[himself]

Hello, everysomeone. I always assume everyone is sick of me, but I bet most of you aren't familiar with me. I made a post recently about my own lack of libido. Only after posting that thread and reading the replies did what I am really hit me, which filled me with fear. I cried/sulked for a while, then, an hour ago, I saw something that made me laugh, and that relieved me. I go off on tangents, so some of this preamble may be irrelevant. I just feel kind of guilty about the whole thing, and I am finally going to get off my ass and go see a doctor. I don't have much hope for the situation. I don't think I can be fixed, and I bet the doctor will try to fob me off with quackery, e.g. telling me to exercise more.

Anyway, I'll get to the point. This is something I couldn't bear to put into words when I was younger. When I was 18, I finally took the plunge and googled stuff about it. Since at least the age of 7, I have had a bit of a fat fetish - 'gainers' interested me. I had some very extreme thoughts in my earlier days, but they became refined as I got older. I am no longer into really fat people, but I am fascinated / have been fascinated by more 'stocky' men. Right now, at this very moment, it does nothing for me, but I think that's because I'm a bit... fucked off, I suppose you could say... about my predicament (lack of sex drive). This 'fetish' used to make me feel ashamed. I'd be mortified if anyone I knew in real life found out. But I am trying to look at the train wreck that is my sexuality and pick out the positive things. This may not be a very healthy thing to be interested in, but it's something, I suppose. I'm sure a lot of you are familiar with this 'interest' already. You can laugh if you want, say it's disgusting, but it's not my fault.

(Note: I would lie in bed and fantasise about this, and my heart would race and I would get hard. I would play with myself, but I never masturbated. I feel stupid now, but I think I kind of thought what I was doing was masturbating, even though I never came - I would get 'pre-cum' but that's it. I'm not too sure what I was doing, but I suppose knowing how to masturbate properly is something that you just know how to do. I have had wet dreams before and I know the urge to 'choke that chicken' as someone here once put it is hard to resist. I'm just adding this as a note because I think I have to keep going on about this so people will know I am not a troll. It makes me feel hopeless enough that I am abnormal and I don't think there is a solution, but it makes me feel more alone when people, strangers though they are, dismiss me as a troll. I suppose it is to be expected - a Google search told me that people generally don't believe that there are males with functioning genitals who don't masturbate. I am sorry if I seem like a dickhead.)

[yousir]

I have no idea what your concerns are.

Stocky men are hot!!!
And masturbating without masturbating? You enjoy yourself?? Thats all that matters. You do ya thimg man.

What makes you so concerned about these things??

[MikeW]

...I am sorry if I seem like a dickhead.)

I read your posts and you don't come across as a "dickhead" to me. For one thing, a true dickhead would never even suspect he was a dickhead. I don't often reply to you because, TBH, I'm not sure I have much to offer. You're obviously struggling with a lot of issues inside yourself and don't have a good sense of self or self-worth. (That is fairly common among young gay men.)

You used the word "fetish." As I understand it, a fetish is a thing or situation that one has to have to feel sexual arousal and/or satisfaction 100% of the time. Short of that, one can have sexual "interests" or "kinks" that one might experiment with and refine, possibly becoming a fetish at some point.

In any case, what turns us on sexually is fairly diverse. Ok, so you have your niche, your 'thing', so do we all, I suspect. You might be surprised to discover how diverse these "interests" are.

[East]

By writing this...you pretty much solved at least one of your problems....

Breaking it down...find yourself a fat guy and you will not have a problem with your libido.

This is what turns you on. It is normal. You are fine...now go find your guy!!!!!

The End.

The shame part...that could be because of the general public's attitudes toward fat people...or because you just generally have shame and guilt issues associated with sex courtesy of religion.

[Camfer]

Well, himself, your ketchup post gave me my biggest laugh of the day. So I'm not sick of you yet.

Look, chubby chasers are a dime a dozen. Chase on. And if your tastes change and it involves another consenting adult, chase that.

[Miles]

I dug through your post trying to find something wrong with you, and the only thing I could find wrong with you is that you think there's something wrong with you.

[Darius]

I never thought you were a troll, either, but I had to wonder if you were pulling our legs when you told us you didn't know how to jack off. That was just me not understanding. I'm sorry about that.
In one way or another, we are all messed up. None of us is perfect. You just happen to have an issue with something that is difficult for a wanker like me to understand.

Stop being so down on yourself. I wish you the best with the doctor and I am sure you will figure things out. Just be sure to post about it.

[Radbot42]

Stocky men are the best imo! All of my bad have been at least stocky, and I don't even find skinny attractive. muscles are great but stocky is the best!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Way back in the Paleolithic Eon of my life (early childhood) I had a 'thing' for being with a big (heavy - fat) guy. That impulse was stymied by the time I hit 8 due to 'stuff' which left me with a minor gap in my memory (like from age 8 to age 14 I barely recall anything). From there I had been beaten and abused sufficiently to have forgotten my interest in the same gender.

Its not until my mid 20's that I got to re-figure out who I was (faggot) and figure out what it is I wanted in men.

Is still lean toward big (fattish) men, preferably with lots of body hair - yes yes yes I know technical name 'bears'.

Whilst true not all of my partners were fat - well padded, or hairy - my 'ideal' or 'fantasy' man is big and hairy and ..... .

As for masturbation - it takes a short while to figure out the correct buttons to push to lead to pleasure - most young males discover the joys of 'edging' at a young age - which is what it sounds like you were doing. Nothing to be shameful of there.

So you ain't weird nor crazy - you sound like a relatively healthy male who has been victimized by a society that has a lot of weird morals on the subject of sex, leading you to believe there is something wrong with you, when in reality the problem is our society is stymied and terrified of rational conversation when it comes to sex.

As for low libedo - there are two reasons that that can be: Physical issues (in which case you speak to your Doctor) or mental/emotional reasons - in which case you speak to a therapist.

Since you are young, I have to assume that its the latter not the former - meaning your libido issue most likely is psychological and would respond well to therapy.

Most gay males have 'sex issues' when they are young due to the incredible cruelty of our society which makes gay into a horrible thing when its really not a thang at all. So what you most likely need is an affirming environment, and talk to a professional who will pretty much tell you that you ARE normal and fall well within nominal parameters of the human experience. Of course you will also need a bit of help to get through the social programming which has been, up to this point, rather negative.


"Sixty-two thousand four hundred repetitions make one truth."

While this number may not be accurate, the reality is that we can program people to believe anything, if we repeat a 'truth' over and over and over again. Society currently works hard to repeat the 'truth' that gay = bad - as such, if you are gay, you will tend to feel bad about being gay.

I hate to say it, even with society pushing gay marriage and equality, we still have a lot of negative words and phrases flying around which do a lot of damage to the LGBT folk.

THAT is your problem - and other than us rising up and killing our oppressors, the only option for most of us is to seek out a means to find acceptance of self, and to replace all of that negativity with positive stuff.

Best method I can think of is LGBT counseling.

[himself]

I wasn't expecting such positive responses. I was expecting a discussion on the darker elements of the bigger gay community. There are some people who have made themselves massive, for their own (and others') pleasure. I have had thoughts about that but I don't want to let that define me. For one thing, it's not healthy. It's kind of embarrassing to put that into words, but I'm trying to embrace these thoughts now. Anything is better than nothing. I know it may be disgusting, but I just turned out that way. Maybe the next time I go through a phase of thinking about this all day, I'll be able to please myself. To be honest, I don't really like huge people - chubby/well proportioned is nicer. I just thought I'd make this clearer - it's not just a liking for fat people, there are some more maybe 'disturbing' thoughts in there, too. I think the attraction to bigger men and the stuff that comes with that forms most of my sexuality. This paragraph is probably a mess, so I'm sorry if it's incomprehensible.

Also, today, I was at mass (my parents are religious and I haven't the heart to tell them that I am not, so I go along with them. I suppose it's nice to get out of the house, though.) and I noticed a nice boy with a nice ass is front of me. I imagined getting on top of him and I got excited. Maybe it's because I was in a chapel, and it's easy to get hard in inappropriate places, but it gave me hope that maybe I will eventually become a more sexual person. I've always enjoyed asses and liked boys faces and admired their bodies on some level, so maybe I can identify as gay.