Found Something on My Boyfriend's Phone

[East]

It would disturb me because of the deception he is doing with the men online....not an attractive quality.....it is kinda creepy for me...

He would have to explain and make me understand....and he would have to keep it real.....

So my advice..think about what it is you need for him at this point and be specific....and what exactly bothers you about this.....think hard...pinpoint it...be specific...have a conversation where you can rationally talk about this ...communicate as clearly as possible....

I don't think it would be an automatic dealbreaker...but it IS something that needs to be understood and discussed...

[LONDONER]

What as "straight" guys doing on Grindr?

[Unfrind]

He also messaged guys on Grindr which is a gay app. i don't think it's ok to be talking to oher guys behind your partners back.
He agreed not to go on webcam websites agreeing that it was inappropriate. I am hardly controlling. We set guidelines so there's no question about what is and isn't ok in our relationship and he did not follow those guidelines.

I was afraid he would grow close to one of the gay guys mostly.

I also didn't like the fact that he didn't find it necessary to tell me about it.

Hey buddy. I wanted to start off by saying I'm sorry you're experiencing this issue. It must be tough, especially considering the fact that you harbor prior issues with trust. While I'm uncertain about your age, I feel that you should really consider outside help on working through your trust issues. Sometimes when you're young you may be emotionally immature and succumb to irrational bouts of jealousy, which is common. However, past experiences weigh heavily on the mind and can definitely influence how you handle similar situations in the future. From the lengths taken to reinstall apps, change passwords, and checking through his phone frequently, I must say it seems quite intense and unhealthy. You should do some research on insecurity and relationship anxiety. Or if possible, seek therapy, either through a nearby psychotherapy center or if you're a student in college, they may provide counseling services. Of course, I'm doing a lot of assuming, but I really wanted to mention these options.

Now onto my opinion...it all seems a bit fishy. In a monogamous relationship your partner shouldn't really be utilizing a gay dating/hookup app. In order to obtain some nude pictures from dudes, he betrayed your trust. You need to have a sit down with him. I understand some people have their fetishes, and it may have been innocent picture exchanges for him, but for you, his significant other, it's not. That's what he needs to understand.

I hope all goes well.

[strider65]

with all due respect, what were you doing snooping on his phone?

if a guy did that do me, I would dump him on the spot. a cellphone is a private thing. it's like opening someone's US mail. What on earth made you think you had the right to do that?

[JackTX]

You shouldn't be dating if your trust issues are this bad. You're toxic to the very concept of a healthy relationship.

Take time and work on yourself and practice friendships.

[Cridders88]

If he wants to see men naked, he could just watch some porn! I don't think he has cheated per say, but yeah, what he is doing is kind of creepy and deceptive. And because he has done this, you are going to find it even harder to trust him. You definitely need to talk to him about this. And decide whether or not you can move forward from it.

[trywait]

if you're having doubts, you definitely don't have any trust.

you need to talk to each other.

seems like the beginning of the end.

[JohnSomebody]

I don't know about this ...but if it were me...I would just get out of the relationship because I tend to believe that if someone is in a committed relationship with me then they should not be having naked pics of other men on their phone and if my boyfriend found this to not be a problem ...then why did he not inform me of this obsession prior to us becoming a couple and let me make the decision if I want to stay in this relationship?...I only see this behavior acceptable if you are in an open relationship. Being in a committed relationship takes up a lot of time and energy to keep things in a good place which leaves no room for b.s. such as this. At the end of the day...you need to decide what is acceptable in keeping your relationship and what is not. However, its quite obvious that you have some issues with this situation and therefore...if he feels his behavior is not a big deal and you do then its up to you to make peace with what you find acceptable in your relationship.

[ffffffff1000000]

I don't want to break up with him but I also don't want to constant;y worry about him doing this or worse things.

[Cridders88]

I don't want to break up with him but I also don't want to constant;y worry about him doing this or worse things.

Unfortunately, if you do not trust him, you can't have both . I feel that what he's done is probably only going to strengthen your mistrust. I refer back to your original post, where he seems to not see it as an issue, when clearly you do, despite the fact that you said you told him from the start what and what you don't find acceptable in a relationship. Because of this, I can only see you worrying about him doing the same or similar things again if you stay with him

I wish you all the luck with whatever you decide, it can't be at all easy for you x