Confused

[MikeW]

It's easier said than done to be honest. I can't really control my nervousness.

But I didn't feel particularly nervous. When he first kissed me yes... my heart was beating hard, but then i relaxed... still had those problems though. Maybe I just don't know exactly what I'm feeling. And it's not so much that the way he was doing didn't feel good.... I actually didn't feel much.

I don't know when I'll get another chance anyway, to have sex. It might take another 2 years, I don't know.

I just really wanted to be able to enjoy it fully... specially cause I don't get to do it often.

Of course it is understandable that you'd want to enjoy it, and "relaxing" is easier said than done. But I'm curious, why is it so unusual for you to have sex?

[meridannight]

But I didn't feel particularly nervous. When he first kissed me yes... my heart was beating hard, but then i relaxed... still had those problems though. Maybe I just don't know exactly what I'm feeling. And it's not so much that the way he was doing didn't feel good.... I actually didn't feel much.

And I guess part of me believed when I finally did something sexual it would be an amazing moment. Maybe it's my inability to surrender to the moment..

not every guy's touch is the same. sex is amazing but not sex with everyone is amazing. to a very huge degree the 'amazing' component depends on the guy you are with and the personal chemistry between you two. and he may be a great guy, you two may get along really well, but that is not an indicator exactly what kind of sexual experience he will be in bed with you. you won't react the same way to every guy. there are ones that will leave you cold/disappointed, and there are ones that will get you so worked up and sensitive (down there) just by being in their presence before ever getting to the sex part.

combine that with what you said about being uncomfortable having your cock touched and there you have it.

the only way for you to understand sex and dynamics leading up to it and everything involved during the intercourse is by having sex, by being with different guys...most of all -- being with guys you do feel the sexual chemistry with. but you are already dismissing sex happening in advance...i don't know for what reasons, but you're never gonna learn if you keep it up like this. you can't learn and understand about sex from reading a book or from other people's experiences/advice. this is the one thing that needs first person experience.

[estudantet]

Of course it is understandable that you'd want to enjoy it, and "relaxing" is easier said than done. But I'm curious, why is it so unusual for you to have sex?

No one knows I'm gay, and I'm afraid to be outed. I'm really shy and afraid of rejection too. I'm not really attractive to most guys and it takes me a long time to trust them enough to meet or even to show a picture... so most guys stop talking to me before that happens. Everytime I show a picture to guy, for me, it's like I'm coming out a little bit, and that scares me, I am not ready at all.

I have serious insecurity issues.

On top of that, I tend to feel guilty about being sexual. It's not about being gay, but about being sexual. For some reason I struggle with the idea that I am a sexual person.

[estudantet]

not every guy's touch is the same. sex is amazing but not sex with everyone is amazing. to a very huge degree the 'amazing' component depends on the guy you are with and the personal chemistry between you two. and he may be a great guy, you two may get along really well, but that is not an indicator exactly what kind of sexual experience he will be in bed with you. you won't react the same way to every guy. there are ones that will leave you cold/disappointed, and there are ones that will get you so worked up and sensitive (down there) just by being in their presence before ever getting to the sex part.

combine that with what you said about being uncomfortable having your cock touched and there you have it.

the only way for you to understand sex and dynamics leading up to it and everything involved during the intercourse is by having sex, by being with different guys...most of all -- being with guys you do feel the sexual chemistry with. but you are already dismissing sex happening in advance...i don't know for what reasons, but you're never gonna learn if you keep it up like this. you can't learn and understand about sex from reading a book or from other people's experiences/advice. this is the one thing that needs first person experience.

I know everyone's touch is different... and I felt a good chemistry with him, the way he grabbed me, kissed me and all that stuff.

This lack of sensitivity is something different, ... that I don't quite understand . Even cause I felt really turned on by him.