I'm back but I'm not doing well right now

[Arkansota]

I think it's funny that I focus so much about what region Arkansas is in when I still have very deep wounds that are a result of the fact that I have been consistently alienated due to the fact that I have Asperger's.

I remember, earlier this year, we had a student in our school die suddenly in a car accident in Oklahoma. Everyone was crying about it (as they should be) but I remember thinking to myself that if that had been me, I don't think anyone would cry. I just don't bond well with people. I have a couple friends but I mostly feel like I'm alone and I can't trust anyone (with one exception that I will bring up later) who I'm not closely related to by blood. Come to think about it, I don't trust anyone outside of my immediate family. Maybe my grandma, but that's it. But there is an exception- I bond really well with fellow Autistics and people with similar neurological differences. But none of my awesome Aspie or neurologically different friends are in Arkansas. And the ones that I have met I have a hard time trusting. I guess I just am at a period where I feel like nobody is going to help me but me. I feel like I have to do this whole "life" thing alone and ultimately I should give no consideration to how anyone wants me to do it because their advice isn't coming from the right place.

Is this normal? Have any of you experienced it? Do you have any tips on how to cope with this sort of feeling?

[Rareboy]

Well...all I can say is that you need to move beyond only trusting or bonding with a small sub-set of the human race. I understand that this can be challenging...but many people with high level Asperger's have been able to do it and to live full and rich lives.

Asperger's doesn't have to mean building walls around yourself or placing limitations on your life like you seem to be doing. It only means that you have to be aware of yourself and to consciously overcome your tendency to withdraw. I have a cousin with Asperger's who has to do this. He actually has written himself some motivational notes to remind himself that he is not a prisoner to his condition.

[Bhp91126]

Gay people have been moving to urban centers for a long time to increase their chances to meet other gay people. Is there an equivalent for people with Aspergers/Autism?

However, you say yourself that you have a hard time trusting the fellow "Aspies" in Arkansas. I assume those are people you've met face to face? For the time being you could decide to be happy with your online friends and work on your trust-issues in real life.

[JohnSomebody]

My thoughts and prayers are with you...in regard to alienation...I have had a lot of so-called friends around me especially during my bartending period whom had underlying ulterior motives and appeared to fake people at the end of the day. Therefore, to this day...although I'm very cordial to a lot of people...I have a very small circle of guys whom I can honestly call my "friends"...I mean truly "real friends" because they have been around me during the good times and the bad times for many years. So for me...having those few genuine friends means so much more to me than having a large group of guys around me that aren't. Maybe you can find out if there are any support groups in your city that have individuals such as yourself that can help you open up to being comfortable and more trusting to open yourself to embrace some people into your life. Or even do some Internet research to seek assistance/help with your issues as well. I'm not sure if anything I'm saying here is helpful..but I hope that you get something from this response to help you move forward with some motivation. God Bless...JS

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Tips - tricks - well that ultimately comes down to what works best for you.

I trust no one - well I trust everyone, as far as I can throw them - well not that far either....

Getting to a point where I 'talk myself' into rationally trusting a person requires a lot of talking, a lot of applied logic. Instead of just trying to pick anyone, I sit there observe, take notes and measure those qualities in a person that I can see and weigh with some sort of rational thinking. Once I talk myself into the idea that 'This Person Is Trustworthy' - I then test my theory - by putting a few small things in their path and see what they do with it.

Few people realize that they are being put to the test, but allowing a person to earn your trust means you have to trust them with something.


As for having a special connection to those who share similar things with you - THAT is very common. I have been bonding with the broken, the beaten and the damned in these parts - it works for me because I have been broken, beaten and am damned to hell and then some. I know where these sorts of people hail from, we have a common frame of reference, and its just easier to know what can and cannot happen when dealing with a person I identify with.

I believe all people are like that - they have their common frame of reference that they work from, and anyone who shares it 'gets it' - it being whatever thought process you have.

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news - we all do the life thing alone - ultimately. Sure we can get a minor cheering section together, might even get a helping hand once in a while, but ultimately we all walk alone, and have to make choices and do stuff all by our lonesome more often than not.

That is part of the life process. It can be really shitty - but it is what it is.

be good to you

[James]

Hey David, be careful of your back when throwing people to see how much you can trust them, I use a catapult now, James

[LJay]

You may be surprised. I once worked with a woman that I considered a bit on icy side. After about six years of working together I was downsized out of a job. A bit later I got a note from this woman telling me that she was sorry to see me go and would always appreciate the help I gave her on her first day. It was a very warm and kind little letter and I still keep it moare than 25 years later. It was not that no one noticed. She just was not one to make her feelings known.

[himself]

When you talked about the student dying and everyone crying, I thought you were going to say that you really didn't give a fuck, so I got a bit excited to find someone cold like me, but it turned out you were going to say something else. I have often wondered the same thing - what would people think if I died? I think people would have the decency to pretend to care. Which is common courtesy, really. I hate the fact that people don't want anything to do with me when I'm alive, but they will be enjoying tea and sandwiches and biscuits at my wake / funeral.

I would tell you to be a dickhead to people. If they don't like you, then give them a reason not to like you. Take control of people's opinion of you. But that is actually terrible advice, and it might be difficult to achieve anyway. It's hard for me. I'd like to be horrible, but I am too polite.