How do I stay low key?

[BPCT]

So the single life is feeling lonelier and lonelier, but how do I find someone somewhat local without coming out? Any advice?

[East]

What do you consider "coming out"?

[Rareboy]

Eventually you have to risk something.

If you are in Windsor Vermont....your chances of finding someone local are significantly less than if you live in Windsor Connecticut.

The best way though, is to put yourself out there in the types of places where you'll meet the guys you want to meet. Hang out in the bushes at the park if you just want a bj or quick fuck...or find the local bar where everyone gets to know your name if you want to find other single guys.

or this.

http://www.match.ca/online-dating/connec...e-men.html

or Grindr.

Somehwere out there is a match for what you are looking for.

[Darius]

It shouldn't be difficult if you only want sex. If you are looking for love, not so easy, I would think. Why would you want to hide the person you love anyway?

[Lexington]

If you just want somebody to get the sheets sweaty with, that's pretty easy to do - post on a hook-up site.

If you want a boyfriend, that's not so easy to do. You can post on a dating site, but if your closeted status is important to you, you'd best be very clear about that...and expect some guys to be uninterested based solely on that.

Lex

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So the single life is feeling lonelier and lonelier, but how do I find someone somewhat local without coming out? Any advice?

You don't.

Lets say you do happen to bump into a fellow who, like you, is in the closet - chances are real high that the day will come where one of you will want both of you to come out together and the other will balk.

That leads to one being resentful and hurt because the other still wants to hide 'our love'.

So that is a no go situation.

Chances are much higher that you will bump into a guy who is already out of the closet - and whilst he may take on the challenge of dealing with your closeted nature, eventually he will grow weary of lying, hiding, and pretending you are straight and crap. This leads to resentment which leads to anger which if you decide to stay in the closet will mean broken hearts and being single again.

There is no middle ground here, there is no third alternative.

Many, if not most gay men who are out have either had enough friends go through the in/out relationship which ended badly, or they themselves have already been down that road. Which means that many, if not most, gay men are going to hear that you are in the closet and say "see ya when you come out."

Unfortunately there is the dark-side here. There are a lot of guys out there who just love getting a closeted gay to play with for the short term. These types tend to use a fella for sex (and possibly money, and other things) - but they do not intend a relationship and know that they can pretty much fuck you and fuck you over emotionally and you won't do anything to out yourself.

The very, very darkest part comes in when you meet that charming, charismatic fella who learns you are in the closet, then dates you, then uses your closeted nature as a way to black-mail you for whatever - drugs, sex, money, a place to stay - whatever.

I'm sorry to be the one to inform you that you can't have this cake and eat it too. I think a lot of the guys here who have been in the gay scene and have friends and people they know that have been in the closet while looking for love will be able to give you painfully detailed accounts of how badly that went.

Perhaps a few will even share their 'When I was in the closet I met this guy and.....' story.

Your best bet is to sit down and figure out what it is you want in life. IF you want to remain in the closet, then stay there - but don't expect your lonliness to change.

IF you want love, romance, etc - then you need to find the courage to start coming out and being comfortable with that.

The choice is yours. Good luck.

[Virge]

So the single life is feeling lonelier and lonelier, but how do I find someone somewhat local without coming out? Any advice?

Start Dating, Bru

Go here for serious info

[Wade]

What do you consider "coming out"?

Jerking off in a public park.

[East]

Jerking off in a public park.

LOL...

He never did answer me so I can't really give any more advice. :biggrin:

I always think "coming out" is weird. Except at the beginning when I told my family in one fell swoop...five minutes after it occurred to me I was gay...the only time I ever "came out" to anyone was to some girls who had a crush on me...and I wanted them to stop.

Other than that...if someone wants to know if I am gay or not...they can figure it out on their own. I die a little when I hear some of the coming out stories because I advocate just being who you are and making it all a non issue....

It isn't that I would have a problem sitting someone down and saying "I am gay"...it's just that I wouldn't want to participate in the conversation after that because frankly...my sexuality is not up for discussion.

I just introduce people to my boyfriend like it is normal...because it is...and I let them think whatever the fuck they want to think. I make it part of a normal conversation and move along...and to my knowledge,..no one has ever shunned me for it...