I hate my appearence and feel unattractive...

[Anocxu]

I would love it if you posted a pic..

[Virge]

I would love it if you posted a pic..

FOR REAL!!!!!!! let us be your mirror!

[Anocxu]

FOR REAL!!!!!!! let us be your mirror!

On another forum years ago...similar thread.

Finally ...200 posts later..the guy posted a pic we all agreed he was hotter than everyone in that thread...

[himself]

I didn't think that one through.

[Anocxu]

I love when things like that happen. I know it's not true for everyone, but it's cute when that happens. If you feel kind of invisible or disliked, it's easy to assume that you must be repulsive.

It was really sad..
This gentleman saw something completely different in the mirror...

I hope the opening poster gets all the help he needs..

[himself]

I don't mean that I love that he thought he was unattractive, I mean that I love that EVERYONE thought he was attractive. But I know that wouldn't undo a whole life of feeling ugly if it's programmed into his brain that he is unattractive, so even though it seems like a cute, sugary ending to the story, there would still be a long way to go and there's no guarantee that he could ever feel attractive. I didn't really think that through in my post up there.

[himself]

You could send their photo to someone via PM. You could stick around and post on here until you trust someone enough to send them your photo. If other people did find you attractive, do you think you'd be more comfortable about your appearance? Would you be able to accept someone being interested in you?

As for your facial hair, could you describe where it grows? It's a matter of taste, I suppose, but I don't think it's possible to look bad with facial hair. I think boys with patchy stubble over their face are cute.

[Cuddly]

There's no such thing as a wrongly shaped head or nose. It might not match the style you'd want to be, but the style is easily changed. Use what you have, don't change it!

And brown eyes are hot.

[MikeW]

Anyone else have this or a similar problem? (Also, I won't post pics of my face because I don't feel safe doing that.)

You're getting SO many good replies to your post (hope you come back to read them), I hardly need say anything. We don't know what you look like so it’s hard to judge. However, chances are you just look like you and you're not comfortable with that..

Still, that said... actually I do know what you're talking about. I grew up feeling I was ugly. And I also know what you mean about having people attracted to you that you're not attracted to, and how awkward that is (not to mention sexually frustrating).

I'm not sure exactly when all that began to change for me... It isn't that I got better looking, far from it. By the time I was 30 I'd lost almost all my hair (for example). I don't know exactly how or when it happened but at a certain point I just accepted the fact that I look the way I look. WELL... at least so far as my face is concerned. I do work on my body to try and keep in shape and although some of that is good health practice, most of it is vanity and I know it.

The thing is, being the way I am hasn't stopped me from finding love and being loved.

Now... so far as interfering with a promiscuous sex life... yeah, that's likely. I *believe* (don't know) that if I'd felt better about myself (even if I didn't look all that different), more self confident, sexier in general... I *believe* I would have created more sexual opportunities for myself than I actually have.

So, I'm not saying that looks don't count in the gay scene... they most certainly do. For some people that is all that matters (and I'm not the least bit interested in those kinds of people). BUT there is something else that counts quite a lot. I'm going to call it "self confidence" but I'm not exactly sure that's the best phrase for it or even the only way it shows up. But I know for a fact that, without changing much of anything about my appearance (other than not being too overweight), I CAN ATTRACT ATTENTION BY HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF. When I'm feeling confident, self assured, "sexy"... when I feel like I'm in my "power zone"... I notice that other people notice me. Hell, even I see myself differently.

So, this is a far more complicated subject than just how you actually look. For sure some people aren't going to be attracted to you... even if you were an Abercrombie model that would be the case. Potential sex partners... and especially potential relationship partners... they're all going to have their particular "thing" when it comes to what attracts them, not to mention what keeps them interested.

I've never been able to figure my “thing” out but I can tell you right off, of all the men (many of them college age as I live in a college town) I see every day, only a small percentage -- I'd say 15% or less – actually attract me. And often what I find “attractive” about them is they seem to exude a sort of "SEXUAL" vibe. They're "hot" (at least to me). Other than that, they may NOT be model pretty. In fact, I’m not attracted to “pretty” at all. If I were, I’d probably be straight.

I don't know how old you are OP, where you are, what your situation is... but if at all possible I'd like to suggest you try an experiment. Rather than working on changing how you look so much, focus on changing how you FEEL about yourself. Now, this might in fact have an element of changing how you look, too. For example, perhaps you feel "sexier" or "more self-confidant" when wearing certain clothes or taking on a certain "look". Or maybe you need to workout a bit and loose a few pounds. (That usually never hurts and, added bonus, it boosts your testosterone production making you feel hornier than usual. *evil grin*)

In any case do whatever it takes FOR YOU to get yourself to a place where you feel turned on and sexy. THEN go out into the world and see if people notice you more or differently.

Also, while you’re at it, notice how you feel about THEM... Who are you attracting and who are you attracted to?

These "attractions" (and repulsions) are the currents of energy that shape our social lives. In the final analysis (having probably already written more than you want to read) what it ALL has to do with is ATTENTION: What we pay attention to. If we pay attention to our zits and moles and big noses and bald heads… if our attention is centered in our faults, chances are we’re feeling insecure… and THAT often repulses people. OTOH, when our attention is centered nearer our dick or in our hearts or in the openness of our minds, when we feel confident, centered, focused, sure of ourselves and what we want… that ATTRACTS attention.

So, just sayin’; you may be ugly as fuck for all I know but even if you are there are things that matter just as much if not more that you’re not even thinking much about, apparently.

[cestmoi77]

Whilst I don't dispute that self-confidence is attractive, could someone explain how one acquires such a thing? I mean, when you're someone who's been told/felt that they're unattractive etc., do you suddenly just wake up one morning and go "hey, today I'm going to feel confident" and then the next day people notice?

I'm really not being facetious but I do sometimes wonder if people think that people lacking self-confidence do it deliberately which I can assure you isn't the case.