Is It normal...or wierd?

[East]

I'm very much like this, perhaps even more than you are. That is, I assume you have IRL friends you socialize with NOW... me, not so much.

Yeah...there are a lot of people I socialize with now...and then all my friends I have met on the internet..I like to hear what they are doing as I see them as part of my life now....

I hate FB for a lot of reasons. I do visit it but rarely and yes, I do have a profile although I've thought of deleting it several times. Not quite sure why I don't. A couple years ago I culled my "friends" list considerably. Anyone who had made no effort to correspond with me in any way shape or form for over a year was gone. Of course, I didn't try to contact them, either but that's beside the point.

Currently I have emails from two friends that date back to the late 1960s, when I was in college. I have quite a history with BOTH of these guys, one of them being my first (more or less) "boyfriend". The other this straight guy jock once-upon-a-time rugby player on whom I had the worst crush when I was 18/19 (1966/67) years old. Although nothing of my crush was ever to pan out, we became good friends and he had a huge impact on my life. For one thing, he introduced me to the first out gay man I ever met.

So, its interesting... both have reached out and said "hi" to me; the latter a year ago and the former in April. I haven't replied to either one because I'm just not sure what to say. Like you say, [MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION] , it isn't as if I dislike these guys or anything. Far from it. But... for whatever reason ... I'm not drawn to correspond with them. I could spend hours, I suppose, trying to figure out "why" and whether or not I "ought" to, even if I don't particularly "want" to. Instead I'll just let it "hang there" in my mind as something I'm either avoiding or, perhaps, just waiting for the "right" moment (whatever the fuck that means).

I can relate to your situation very much...I feel almost exactly the same as you describe..and the same thing for me...I am just not drawn to correspond either even though I have nothing negative at all to think about most of them...and in my mind..I like most of them...the only difference is I spend a lot of time beating myself up about it....and I want to stop (and it is why I brought this topic up)

But as to your question, I *know* and basically accept the fact that I AM WEIRD. I've never been "normal," nor particularly cared to be. So.. who cares whether it is "weird" or not.

THIS made me smile...and I also know I am weird...and it is one of the things I actually love about myself...so I will try to figure out if I can find a balance ...or not...and if not...should I just walk away from it...or stand my ground and just do what is right for me? Dreamer brought up my last point I hadn't gotten to yet so that is my final "guilt" thing I have with FB...

Thanks for your post Mike..it helped me a lot...

[East]

I'm the same way.... but my issue includes my huge extended family of whom I'm yet to meet.... I friend them... we might message a few times... I like some of their posts, they may like mine.... but for the majority of the time they don't reach out to me past accepting my friend requests, or I theirs... For example, I'll message one, I see that they've read it, then feel shitty that they've made a conscious decision to not reply.... like WTF?

I know there may be a slight language barrier from some family members, but fuck....they know basic broken English (based on the one message I'll ever receive from any of them), and isn't that what the translation widget is for?!

I want to eventually meet them all in person when I can afford to travel, but why must they be elusive and distant? I tend to stop making any effort once I make such a realization so that I don't seem desperate, and years go by, and I'll try again to no avail, and then I think I'm the one they find being an asshole...

fuck my life....

I have different reasons than you Dreamer...but my family is the final thing I hadn't brought up yet.,.so thanks for reminding me..I got carried away with part two...

My brothers reproduced..alot...and now their kids are grown and looking for a family connection...and they find me. I don't want to say anything bad about my brothers...but I feel awkward in this role and just want to ignore them...and then I feel guilty about it....

I actually would love to just tell them the truth..but I don't want to hurt any of them as they are innocent...and the truth would hurt...UGH...

[meridannight]

BTW...how is it going with the guy you met?

it is not.

[Camfer]

[MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION], the data would be stored on google's servers, not your home computer.

But my gut sense is that the guy isn't interested in you anymore and may well have completely forgotten of your existence. If he had wanted to find you, he would have. It's possible you can still value and maintain your privacy, but let go of the hold this trauma has over you.

Now, on this topic of your "innocent" nieces and nephews, are they adults? If so, they can handle adult truths and you can have adult relationships with them. Carrying around a bunch of family secrets doesn't serve you or protect your nieces and nephews.

[East]

[MENTION=18508]East[/MENTION], the data would be stored on google's servers, not your home computer.

But my gut sense is that the guy isn't interested in you anymore and may well have completely forgotten of your existence. If he had wanted to find you, he would have. It's possible you can still value and maintain your privacy, but let go of the hold this trauma has over you.

Those three words I highlighted...I trust it when someone uses their gut sense...and I think your advice is excellent. I think you have a great point as well ...and I often wondered the same thing...that he could have found me if he wanted to all along. Even when he was leaving messages...I used to wonder if they got the guy wrong...most of them didn't know his name....or maybe it was two different guys because there was also another guy who was looking for me and finally found me....I am pretty sure they said his name years ago though...I tried to block it out for so long that I can't be sure now....

Now, on this topic of your "innocent" nieces and nephews, are they adults? If so, they can handle adult truths and you can have adult relationships with them. Carrying around a bunch of family secrets doesn't serve you or protect your nieces and nephews.

My problem is...he is a sociopath....and most people don't really "get it" when you tell them that...and I have not been in the same room with him for over 30 years now....he has been in and out of San Quentin his whole life.....mostly in...

Having said that...I do think your suggestion to talk to them and tell them the truth is a good one...and I am going to tell them why I don't want to have a facebook connection...and that I don't really want anything linking me to him....ever...because it is the truth...I will just skip the sociopath part....

Thanks for that [MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION]...it cleared it up perfectly for me...and thanks again for the gut sense...I know I am weird....but that is the perfect thing to say to me...and it makes me feel a lot more confident.....and less afraid...

[East]

it is not.

Ahh.....I am sorry meridan..I know you really liked this guy....

[Miles]

My problem is...he is a sociopath....and most people don't really "get it" when you tell them that...and I have not been in the same room with him for over 30 years now....he has been in and out of San Quentin his whole life.....mostly in...

Having said that...I do think your suggestion to talk to them and tell them the truth is a good one...and I am going to tell them why I don't want to have a facebook connection...and that I don't really want anything linking me to him....ever...because it is the truth...I will just skip the sociopath part....

In fairness, one or some of them might "get it". Maybe one of them has had to deal with something similar. You never know. If someone were to explain a situation similar to yours to me, they could stop at the word "sociopath" and need go no further.