Gay bars and going alone.

[Mark88]

So, i've been thinking about going to gay bars, ive never been before.
I wouldn't go alone, I know loads of people do it and its pretty normal but its not something I would feel comfortable doing.

If I was to go alone, what are the best ones to go to around London/Essex? Its not a hook-up thing, I just want to meet people.
Or is there any groups I could go with......if there is such thing?

[Lexington]

Here's the key thing to remember about "going to a gay bar to meet people". The onus is going to be pretty much all on you.

Most people go to (gay) bars to hang out and drink with their friends. It's not that they're averse to the idea of meeting new people, necessarily - it's just not their motivating factor for going. I for one have never said "Hey, guys, let's go to the gay bar this weekend and introduce ourselves to the solo newbies who are there." Just never really something people specifically go to do.

That doesn't mean you and they can't interact. It just means that it will probably be on YOU to make the first move. To introduce yourself. To engage people in conversation. A lot of gay guys go to a gay bar for the first time...then go home feeling "ignored" and like "all gay guys are stuck-up and only talk to their own clique." (Come on - if you were on a bar stool between a friend and a stranger, wouldn't you generally choose to talk to your friend?) Don't be one of those guys. Go. Start some conversations. See if they lead anywhere. Not all will, of course, but some might.

Lex

[ShiftyNJ]

Does meetup.com exist in England?

If your goal is to make real friends, don't do it in a bar. Take a hobby of interest of yours, and --in a metropolitan area like London-- there are almost certainly other gay people who enjoy it. If you participate in an organized activity like a game or hike and there are fun, social people, then by all means suggest going out for a drink as a group. That way you're not alone and won't feel so much pressure to introduce yourself to stranger.

[himself]

I have done so a few times. Some people might assume you're looking for a hook up if they see you on your own. But I suppose you can always turn them down. I have had mixed success. But if you go up to someone and start talking, they might assume you are looking for a hook up. I would never go up to someone and start talking to them if I were sober but, when I'm drunk, I can't help myself.

A few weeks ago, I met a boy at a bar and he invited me back to his house to 'spoon'. Of course, I said that he could do more to me than that, but that left me with a very sore ass the next day. But he was nice, like.

[East]

I don't know London...but in San Francisco and the rest of the Bay Area..when I was single..I LOVED LOVED LOVED going to bars and dance clubs by myself...

With a group..you might miss out meeting and talking with some really cool people ....and the other thing about groups...(GAG)...they seem to always end up in the "lets criticize what everyone else is wearing or what they look like" territory...a complete turn off for me....

I know a lot of people have a lot of fears...and maybe they are justified on some level...but I would just go out and meet people with no expectations...

[Kenny221]

Story of my life right here.

Everyone just keeps telling me " Oi, you're 19 now. Go clubbing, or to a gay bar and meet all those fabulous gay people! Get involved with the gay culture and everything!"

Well you know what, it's not that I don't want to , and normally I'm quite extroverted but dam going to a gay bar is just nerve-wrecking. Talking to people in a bar is nerve wrecking. |

"omg, he's totally judging me." "Oh crap, is there something on my face?" "FML, he must think Im a loser." "Wow, Kenneth, sitting in the fucking corner. That's just sad. " "Should I make eye contact? NVM, i'll just drink my beer. Wait, how else would I meet new people? What if they take it the wrong way? Dam. I'm leaving after this beer." "Im too full, I can't finish this beer....oh shit, is he walking this way? Nope, he's going to the washroom." "Wow. I must look like a pathetic loser right now, no wonder why no one wants to talk."

basically summarized my first experience to a gay bar.

[matty7]

I remember contemplating doing the exact same thing recently although the nearest places to me are like 30 miles away - but I did a google search and did find a fairly country wide gay meeting site that has different events all over the country - ie. theatre night in London, rock climbing in the Yorkshire moors etc - ill try and find it again and post - not saying join but it may give you other options too

http://www.outeverywhere.com/dates/comingsoon/ I think was the place.....managed to find it and amend my post