Worrying about my sexuality

[East]

Ironic for me..I never had a problem coming out as gay...a complete non issue for me with no waiting time...I came out five minutes after it occurred to me I was gay and I was done with it....

BUT...I had a struggle accepting my fantasy and my fetishes...a huge struggle...and I had to come to terms with them a step at a time. None of my fetishes hurt anyone...and they all involved consenting adults....but still...I didn't want to BE "that person".....

...and that line from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane would play over and over in my head '''

"But you are Blanche...you are..."

LOL...who said pop culture doesn't have it's value....

...and so...I slowly accepted it and embraced it and funny thing..much ado about nothing...truly...I put value judgements on my fantasy/festish and in the end...it is no different than a kiss..or a hug....that is mutually agreed upon.....

...so in closing...it might take awhile to get there...but DO try to embrace and accept your fantasy.and stop judging yourself. It is hard..I know...but it can be done.,...

[Beaux]

Ironic for me..I never had a problem coming out as gay...a complete non issue for me with no waiting time...I came out five minutes after it occurred to me I was gay and I was done with it....

BUT...I had a struggle accepting my fantasy and my fetishes...a huge struggle...and I had to come to terms with them a step at a time. None of my fetishes hurt anyone...and they all involved consenting adults....but still...I didn't want to BE "that person".....

...and that line from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane would play over and over in my head '''

"But you are Blanche...you are..."

LOL...who said pop culture doesn't have it's value....

...and so...I slowly accepted it and embraced it and funny thing..much ado about nothing...truly...I put value judgements on my fantasy/festish and in the end...it is no different than a kiss..or a hug....that is mutually agreed upon.....

...so in closing...it might take awhile to get there...but DO try to embrace and accept your fantasy.and stop judging yourself. It is hard..I know...but it can be done.,...

LOL The Golden Girls! :-D

BLANCHE: "It just twirled up! I tell you, it just twirled up!"

DORTHY: "But you weren't wearing any panties, Blanche!"

Back on Topic-- I think Gas Masks are HOT!!!

~Beaux

[ShyBoy]

I really thank you all for your opinions and advices

I am with my boyfriend these days so I have not enough time to answer properly, but I will later.

Btw, should I tell him?

[Virge]

I was fine with this until read this..........

and also fantasy about being put to sleep like for a surgery or something. These things turn me on and it makes me feel disgusted with myself.

......... and then I had flashbacks to my guy going on netflix and getting an old movie we'd never seen but he'd heard about. it starts off about teenage boy (your age) who's walking along one day and finding a human ear on the ground...

And I wasn't prepared for this. No one could be. It's unforgettable. Brain bleach will not erase it.

Nitrous oxide. There are more than a few people who use it during sex. It's what dentists use to knock out patients while they pull teeth or fill cavities.

[MikeW]

IBtw, should I tell him?

LOL!!!! I always have a laugh when someone asks TOTAL STRANGERS what they *should* do concerning another person we know absolutely nothing about.

As a general rule, i don't like to keep *too many* secrets from my relationship partner. It isn't that they need to know *everything* I've ever done....hell, even I don't want to know that! But when ti comes to sexual fantasies, well, that *is* interesting (if not down right tricky) territory. Personally, especially with my last (late, as in now deceased) parter, talking about and making real our sexual fantasies was one of the big things in our relationship. Sometimes these were acted out just between the two of us, sometimes others were involved... and I'm not going to lie to you, at times it got messy (emotionally), even scary.

So, I don't know. You *should* do what you *want* to do.

See, we don't know what the outcome of our major decisions is going to be, ever. We can speculate and we may even be more or less accurate, but it is still speculation. As soon as you make a decision and do something or move in a particular direction, your life takes a new turn, a new direction. Whether it is good or bad, the "right" decision or the "wrong" decision... you have to live with the consequences of having made it WITH NO REGRET... or at least as little as possible. You just make up your mind and decide you're ready for the consequences whatever they may be.

[ShyBoy]

So, I am sorry for not answering I've been bussy but I am finally back .

Darius: I think what you said is true, I have already been "interested" in some of these things as a little child and then it mixed into my sexuality. The problem is that I am afraid I might not be sexually interested in people at all (I's not true, I hope).

I think the reason I grew up like this is that I thought about being gay as a bad and disgusting during my puberty and I was for "the girl of my life" that I would fall in love with...... So I was like waiting for falling in love with a girl even I didn't find them attractive (sexually and romantically), but I was also denying I would fall in love with a boy (which I was actually wanting deep in my mind) and no boys were attracted to me. That was a good ground for my "non-human" sexual interests to become my main sexuallity. Later (about 3 years ago) I found out that I enjoy reading novels from girls perspective more (describing boys) and that my "dream girl" still didn't appear (I was kissing with a once and it did't do nothing to me). About a year ago I finally admitted to myself that i am gay and I started to look for a boyfriend. I have found him and we are almost half an year together. I met him on-line and we decided to be each others boyfriends after our first date (we were probably desperate for love O.o). I like him as much as I am able and he is super cute and so kind and everything. The problem, I hate myself for saying this, but he is not a boy I would notice walking down the street :/. I have a hard time to get aroused when I am with him, sometimes I feel a strong desire for him but it's very rare. So most of the time we do something sexual I think about other guys or about my fetishes/kinks whih helps me to go off quickly and to make him happy. I dpn't want to lose him and I know it can't be like this forever .

My writing is going quite messy I think and I don't want to write nonsense so I'll write some facts about me (maybe it will help you to understand) and continue another day...

I have suffered from depression, social anxiety and OCD since I was about 12 y.o.
My self esteem is very low.
I don't like my body.
I see myself as a very bad and unhappy person while others think I am nice, happy and cheerful.
I don't watch porn (or almost not, like once a month) because a video review of a new pair of Sennheiser headphones works for me as well :/.

Hard to tell if my interests are fetishes or kinks because it's like that: I can get off just imagining having sex with a very hot guy....or just watching a picture of an average guy involving one of my fetishes....or being/imagining myself wearing headphones or a button down. These things doesn't turn me on if a girl or an ugly guy is wearing them. They can help me to see an average guy as a hot one and a hot one as super hot. It helps me to go off in any case though :/.

I am grateful I have someone to write about it, no one around me knows about these things...

[Cobalt]

Considering there are people who get off to being kicked in the testicles and other lovely things like mutilation and severe physical harm, I would say you're pretty damn tame in your tastes. Borderline boring even!

Sarcasm aside, you're fine. Don't worry so much about these types of things. Life has enough of its problems without worrying about trivial things like this, you're okay.

[LeafBlade]

I am new here and I'd like to say hello to you all! I am also sorry for all my mistakes, English is not my mother tongue.

I don't feel very comfortable to post this problem of mine anywhere but it has been worrying me for a long time. The problem is that my sexuality and erotic fantasies has seemed to be quite messed up since I can remember.

I have absolutely no clue why, but following things cause a huge turn on to me: headphones, button-down, polo and henley shirts, oxygen masks and also fantasy about being put to sleep like for a surgery or something. These things turn me on and it makes me feel disgusted with myself.

I am almost 100% sure that some of these things had turned me on even before I started to think about guys as hot. I don't think it's normal and it scares me. I am also afraid it might cause troubles in my current (and first) relationship.

I'd like to know if I am alone who fells like this about his/her own sexuality. There are other things possibly connected to my sexuality that concern me but I don't like writing about it now. I would like to find someone I could freely talk about this subject as it makes me feel so bad about myself and I need to find a solution how to deal with my true self. What's wrong with me?

these are so specific, XD
it's like, fashion turn on