New to GaySpeak

[MikeW]

Hey everybody! I'm Alex....I'm currently single and its kind of bothered me and left me feeling down for quite some time. I'd really like a relationship but haven't found the right guy yet. ...

Ah ha! Here's the introductory thread. Sorry, I didn't see it when I replied to you in another thread.

Welcome to the forum.

So you feel lonely and you would like a relationship. So two things go through my mind right off the bat: When you say "the right guy"... what would he be like?

Second, my opinion is that 18yos should not be thinking too much about "relationships". Dating maybe, yeah. Going out with friends and having fun, absolutely. But a "relationship"? Hmmm... not saying it can't happen, obviously it can and does to some extent. But, you know, real relationships take a lot of work and if you're working a job, going to school and still trying to find yourself, do you really think NOW is the time to be thinking of a "relationship"?

I'm not saying this to put you off. I'm saying this to hopefully give you another perspective on your loneliness. For sure, it is great to have a special friend, and ESPECIALLY good if that special friend also happens to be as attracted to you as you are to him. I'm all for it.

BUT, OTOH, bear in mind that most gay boys don't date as teenagers. So... where most straight boys have gone through the dating thing, gone steady, broken up, maybe gotten back together again, or not, maybe had sex or whatever... mostly in our culture gay boys don't get to do much, if any, of that until they're away from home. Meaning your age into their early to mid 20s.

SO... you're going to run into a lot of guys who either just want to get off (nothing wrong with that, IMO) or, maybe, here and there, a few guys near your age who SAY they want the same thing you do. So you start dating and then you run into all the complexities of how that works. How no one really knows themselves, or really knows how to be honest with themselves or someone else, or doesn't really know how to communicate their real and true feelings about things. All that... the stuff relationships are made of... it takes time to learn it and quite often the first several attempts just don't work out.

Hope I don't sound too cynical or anything. My advice is to just enjoy your job and school as best you can, have as much fun as you can stand without fucking up either the work or school, and just "hang loose" for a few years. During that time you'll have the opportunity to date and enjoy that butterflies in the stomach feeling, all giddy and excited about someone. Having crushes and then, for no discernible reason, finding yourself going off him, or he off you.

If/when that happens, don't fret about it. It's part of learning to be a grown up. And little by little you become the man you want to be.... and THEN you FIND (and are found by) the MAN you want in your life.

[MikeW]

Ok so in the other thread you wrote:

Thank you! Technically I live about 45 minutes from actual chicago. I'm currently in the suburbs where there is a much smaller population of openly gay people. I don't know, I've just had a hard time finding a guy that's right for me. I don't know what it is, maybe I have really specific standards or something? I did make a small post introducing myself earlier. Maybe I'll make another one explaining my personal situation. Nice to meet you, and thanks for the advice!

You can talk about your personal situation right here in this tread if you want.

Yeah, it is fairly common for guys to have too narrow an idea of what they're looking for. Too many boxes to check off (or however you'd put it). Mr "right" turns out to be such a slim possibility he never appears.

So, what's your "personal situation" or whatever you want to talk about.

[Alehksh]

Wow, I really appreciate you taking the time to write about my situation. I guess growing up I really wanted all the things that other people in my life had when it came to dating. It just felt like I was missing out on the "normal" teenage experience. I've never looked at it in the way you put it. I've always just been so hooked on the idea of that stereotypical romance that it's stopped me from enjoying other things in life. I'm going to work on having fun and stop waiting around for the right guy or whatever until that time comes. Thank you very much

[MikeW]

Wow, I really appreciate you taking the time to write about my situation. I guess growing up I really wanted all the things that other people in my life had when it came to dating. It just felt like I was missing out on the "normal" teenage experience. I've never looked at it in the way you put it. I've always just been so hooked on the idea of that stereotypical romance that it's stopped me from enjoying other things in life. I'm going to work on having fun and stop waiting around for the right guy or whatever until that time comes. Thank you very much

LOL, you're welcome! And for sure, keep hanging out with us. There are a few guys here near your age. There's one in particular (can't think of his forum name right off hand) from Virginia Beach who is your age, a real nice guy, but I haven't seen him much recently.

We're a pretty good bunch, I think. Many of us way older than you but hopefully that doesn't matter too much. I'm 67 in life years but mentally I'm about a 30 something (some insist I'm more like a two year old but w/e). I'm an old, old soul; a foul mouthed intellectual who grew up on a farm in the midwest ages ago and have lived in the San Francisco Bay Area most of his adult life. So... there isn't much I haven't done at one time or another. :eek:

[Alehksh]

It's extremely comforting to know that there are great people like you on this forum! I've been meaning to look for something like this for a while now and tonight I finally decided to do so. I'm glad I did! :biggrin:

I love San Francisco BTW. I haven't been there in a long time but it is just amazing down there. Definitely one of the coolest cities I've been to.

[MikeW]

It's extremely comforting to know that there are great people like you on this forum! I've been meaning to look for something like this for a while now and tonight I finally decided to do so. I'm glad I did! :biggrin:

I love San Francisco BTW. I haven't been there in a long time but it is just amazing down there. Definitely one of the coolest cities I've been to.

Well thanks I'm glad you found the forum, too. I've been here a bit over a year but I've been hanging out on forums of various sorts since the 1990s. Some of them are *crazy!* Check out RealJock for example. TONS of eye candy if you're into jock looking guys. Quite a few of the profiles are total fakes but not all of them... and there are a lot of guys closer to your age. That said, the forum itself can be a pretty mean place. You have to wade in with your fire suit on. But it's a WAY bigger place than this forum and lots of interesting stuff happens. Some of it is totally bizarre.

I moved to Berkeley at age 23 and it was the first place I ever felt "at home" anywhere on this planet. So I've been here pretty much ever since. SF is a big city and I've never lived in "The City" itself... I've always been in the East Bay. I prefer it here, more open space, closer to nature... there are hills and trails for me to hike on just a few blocks from my apartment (not to mention UC Berkley which is a beautiful campus).

The Bay Area is a great place. It's getting incredibly expensive to live here, though. Not sure how much longer I'll be able to stay here for that reason alone. It's also changed a lot in the years I've been here. Was WAY more "Radical" a place in the 60s and 70s. It still has a left of center edge but nothing like the way it was.

[LJay]

Welcome, Aleksh. Hope you will find some happy times here.

[Alehksh]

Ooh, I think RealJock was one of the other sites I was looking at and I chose this one because it just sounded more general Lol. I'll check that one out in a couple days though. Where you live sounds really nice, I kind of like living in a suburb because it's always like a small vacation going into the big city. That kind of sucks about SF not being as cool now though. I wish I could have seen it back then. I'm going to New Orleans in a few days, I've always wanted to go there and heard it's just crazy- so I can't wait.

[Alehksh]

Thanks LJay, I hope so too!

[MikeW]

...I'm going to New Orleans in a few days, I've always wanted to go there and heard it's just crazy- so I can't wait.

Excellent! I've never been but, yeah, it's supposed to be a pretty cool city. You'll have to give us a full report when you get back. See if you can find some (safe) trouble to get into while you're there, yeah?

LOL