my mother makes me feel terrible

[Lexington]

IBecause I do not have the money to move out, and I'm not sure if I can live on my own.

Your odds of changing your relationship with your mother seem to be about nil. Given this, you have two options.

1. Continue living with her, and just do your best to avoid setting her off.
2. Move out.

As you're finding out, number 1 is getting extremely difficult to do. (If she's going to freak out about you not making gravy for yourself, she's going to freak out about pretty much anything.) This means option 2 is going to start looming larger. I'd say it's time to start investigating your options within option 2.

Lex

[TigerLover]

Hello I'm also autistic (asperger's syndrome)

It's a cruel a catch-22 that a lot of us struggle to live on our own but we also have trouble living with other people.

Honestly i think you're stuck for the foreseeable future and you've got to improve this situation your in.

If you're not paying rent try your very best to help out around the house. If you find that difficult sit down with your mother and calmly explain why.

Have you tried talking to an autism specialist.
Honestly if not you really need a professional to talk to. Believe me when i started talking to an autism specialist it took so much weight of my shoulders she helped me to gather my thoughts and really understand my symptoms and the situations around me.

Also touching you when you have an aversion to physical contact is really fucking uncalled for. Are you sure she knows just how bad it is?

I have the same problem with handshakes every time it have to give one I just want to use my other hand to punch them in the face.

Rock on my Autistic Bro

[Tyrion]

I'm not giving him any advice.

Then why bother replying to his thread?

I don't get the feeling that he wants sympathy, I get the feeling that he wants someone to help him make a decision.

[princealbertofb]

Then why bother replying to his thread?

I don't get the feeling that he wants sympathy, I get the feeling that he wants someone to help him make a decision.

I think it's more a question of coming up with a practical solution or some practical answers.

Ok, so the odds do seem to be against our original poster, since he's not financially independent yet, and he doesn't have many places where he could go.

Are there social programmes in the Netherlands for young gay people who are thrown out of their houses? Maybe you should try to see if there is a local help group for people who are gay and who are thrown out of their house by their parents. I know you may not qualify on account of being a little too old, but maybe you could at least find someone to talk to who can find some practical solutions for you and maybe for your boyfriend at the same time. I suppose there is also the doctor that you could talk to, or if you have had some interaction with a therapist, then you could tell them about this too. Maybe they could have that talk with your mum?

I think, somehow, she's seeing you growing up, and she's scared of seeing you leave the house. She may even be worried that you won't be able to fend for yourself, but she's not helping. She needs to hear from someone that you are growing into an adult and that you need to take your freedom.

It sounds as if your mother knows you're gay and she doesn't seem to mind? Am I right to think this?

[himself]

As far as I'm concerned, anyone who says anything along the lines of 'man up' doesn't have a fucking clue what they're talking about and are just acting on misogynistic impulses they have. It's funny how some many 'adult males' have these wild ideas about what it is to call themselves men, as if a man is anything other than an adult male, and they still call themselves men. They think that a man is some heroic creature and they think they themselves are men. I don't think of myself as a 'man' because I know about all of the things that are tied to 'manhood'. If I thought a man was a virtuous, brave / heroic, adult male, I wouldn't dare call myself a man. Many adults males do think that a man is some sort of fucking super hero and, yet, they call themselves men, as if they are super heroes themselves. It is fucking mind boggling. Get the fuck over yourselves. Talk about conceited. If anyone ever tells you to 'man up', I'd tell you to tell them where to go, but I bet those people who call themselves 'men' couldn't cope if they would just look in the mirror and recognise that they are just human beings, like any other adults male or female.

[princealbertofb]

Well, @himself, I'm not sure James can be accused of lacking sympathy. You probably don't know him well enough, so don't assume that you know what he meant, even though it may have sounded harsh and maybe like tough love.

Let him explain to our original poster what he meant, since the poster asked for an explanation. We all have different levels of patience with people's misfortunes and shortcomings, but we should not forget our own, or ignore our strengths. At this point, I feel that we need to find where our original posters strengths lie so he may use them, rather than point out what he's lacking. He's trying to be honest but he's lacking the understanding of how to overcome his plight. If we put our heads together creatively, we may help him find a solution that will work for him in his rather complex circumstances.

What I'm trying to say, [MENTION=22336]himself[/MENTION], is that though your outrage is legitimate, to some extent, you might need to tone down the language a bit (too much anger).
Manning up means finding the courage to do something that one hasn't dared to do before, doesn't it? But in some cases manning up is maybe also learning to stay put, not to create an unnecessary fuss or conflict, and to think things through, rationally, logically but also emotionally so that there's the least hurt involved. Now that's a hard task.

[himself]

I was very drunk last night. I am sorry. I was probably just trying to be offensive, which I try not to do when I am sober. I mean I was just being an asshole. I am sorry, James. I'm not sorry to OnTheBeach, though, since he didn't really say anything useful at all and if he lives on a beach, I'm sure nothing I say could offend him anyway. At least James talked about his own experiences. Maybe it is useful to advise someone to put things into perspective. I do hate the phrase 'man up' though. If there is any sort of bravery or virtuosity that is unique to adult males, I haven't seen it.

[Anocxu]

I was very drunk last night. I am sorry. I was probably just trying to be offensive, which I try not to do when I am sober. I mean I was just being an asshole. I am sorry, James. I'm not sorry to OnTheBeach, though, since he didn't really say anything useful at all and if he lives on a beach, I'm sure nothing I say could offend him anyway. At least James talked about his own experiences. Maybe it is useful to advise someone to put things into perspective. I do hate the phrase 'man up' though. If there is any sort of bravery or virtuosity that is unique to adult males, I haven't seen it.

I Loved that post..
You and I are starting a drunk posting thread Mr.

Wait!
I don't really drink..
I think I've had 4 alcoholic drinks in the last 2 months..

Guess that's another issue I have to work on..

[falconjam19]

This is an extremely tough situation to be in. I'm sorry that your own mother treats you so poorly. I know what it's like to have a close family member be abusive, especially one that's tasked with raising you. That being said, I'd suggest sticking up for yourself. Becoming financially independent is obviously an ideal and necessary option, but until such time you have to find a way to hold your ground. If you have people that care about you, seek out living arrangements with them.

[darren23a]

Move out. I've been in a similar situation to this and the only way to stop it from happening is to physically remove yourself from the situation.

Don't be cruel to your mother though. It might seem strange but sometimes this extreme form of controlling behaviour stems from a frustrated sense of love. She may not even realise she is doing it and might think she is trying to protect or care for you in some way.

Realistically though you can't live your life with somebody treating you that way. Move out, be kind to your mother whilst you do it and be kind to her after you've done it. Don't let her convince you she will change as people rarely do.

Good luck.