my mother makes me feel terrible

[Anonymous]

I see that the idea of moving out has now grown in your head, and that's probably a good thing. I really think you should try to see with organisations, as I suggested, which could maybe help you (socially) to transition from your family home to your own home, rented by you once you get a job. This is why I suggested such organisations as those who house teenagers who are in trouble with their parents. I know your mother is not throwing you out, but for the moment you can't really afford to take a place on your own. My suggestion is to find that organisation that can help you with the transition.

I know of Joseph (once a member on here) who has learning difficulties. His mother wasn't abusive with him and he has a nice couple of sisters, but he was able to move out to assisted accomodation because he was becoming too old to remain at home with his mum. I believe this was a great move for him, even though he found it hard at first. He has since found himself a boyfriend too.

Does your autism give you any rights to that type of social programme, I wonder? See a social worker about it.

As for how to treat your mother, let her see that you are not incapable of living on your own, and growing up. Find the association or organisation first that will help you with the transition then tell her how it's going to be; There's no reason why she shouldn't visit you, or you shouldn't visit her. Her attitude might change completely when she finally realises that she isn't your boss, nor needs to be there for you 100%. What do you think? Do you wish to continue seeing your mother? Do you need a break from seeing her? You can always phone or text to keep in touch. It all depends on how far from your current home you'll live.

well people from a organization visit me twice a week to explain to me and show me how to live on my own, what bills there are how to pay bills, what you would all have to do in the house, making dinner and such, however they do not want to discus any of the problem with my mother. and I'm not a teenager because I'm 21 so not sure that if such a organization exists they would help me.

I have already been using google to search for such an organization but can't really find anything yet, not really good at using the right words to find something.

at the moment I don't want to see her at all, she continues to dictate my life and she basically wants me to do and live how she tells me to, will probably change once I got some peace without her around me.

Just sounds like someone who is afraid of taking responsibility, dealt with many, Man up means, Take responsibility, afraid she will hit you? Afraid of life? give us more to deal with. if you need too, what you show is the answers you get, jIM

I'm afraid I still do not fully understand, how should I take responsibility? and what do you mean with ''give us more to deal with'' ?

When giving advice, guys, remember that the OP has autism. Interacting with others socially and communication are big deals. So, telling someone to man up or just move out, could be unreasonable advice. If the OP is high functioning, he could very well make changes in his life leading to independence, but only he knows that. There are therapies and therapists who deal exclusively with those with autism spectrum disorders. The OP needs to work with one of them to head into a healthier life for himself. His mother might sound toxic to us, but we dare not be too glib in giving advice that might not be appropriate for someone with his challenges.

I do have an appointment with someone specialized in autism monday so should I discus all of this with that person then?

OP. after reading everything I would just like to say I feel kinda bad your in your position .
The best thing to do I believe is
1. Talk to her about it
if that doesn't work
2. move out if and when possible

I would only cut off contact with her if that's what SHE wants, otherwise, she is your mom and being a butt is not deserving of "washing your hands of her" . It sounds like good advise until something happens to her, then you will feel terrible.

talking doesn't really work, I tried but she's stubborn and set in her ways, she also tries to make me feel guilty and I always submit then.

guess my opinion of not wanting to see her will change once I live on my own

[princealbertofb]

Good luck, Anonymous.

[wayward]

Anonymous. Adults can be very immature, and immature seems a good way to describe your mother. She is clearly intolerant of change and the unexpected, I suspect that is common in parents of autistic persons. Accusing you of not loving her is cruel, manipulative, and again, immature. It is not your job to appease her. Refuse the behaviors you disapprove from her. Assert that she will not touch you, and maintain distance and privacy when her outbursts of disapproval begin. That is how I have coped with similar situations.

[princealbertofb]

Anonymous. Adults can be very immature, and immature seems a good way to describe your mother. She is clearly intolerant of change and the unexpected, I suspect that is common in parents of autistic persons. Accusing you of not loving her is cruel, manipulative, and again, immature. It is not your job to appease her. Refuse the behaviors you disapprove from her. Assert that she will not touch you, and maintain distance and privacy when her outbursts of disapproval begin. That is how I have coped with similar situations.

That sounds like good advice, [MENTION=21087]wayward[/MENTION].

[Eru]

Well, none of us here is an expert for giving accurate advice for your circumstance, but if you are already seeing a therapist of some sort, don't you think you should share all of this to him/her? I think since they are professionals, their advice would be more worthy to take in, i read through the whole topic and the main advices surround several critical points: keep distance from your mom when she's mad, leave home and "man up"? I think since you have autism you must be really confused by now. My advice is, no matter what happens, just so you know we are here for you and we are willing to listen, if anything happens, keep sharing with us. While you are on that, get practical too by sharing all of your problems with the therapists as well. Good luck, friend.