Should I continue to pursue my friend?

[princealbertofb]

I'm not against sex without a relationship generally. I think I stopped it because he's a friend. If it was a stranger I'd hooked up with then I wouldn't be bothered as it would have just been a bit of casual fun.

I'm already emotionally invested in this guy, we have a history and because of the previous flirtation leading up to the moment, at the time it just felt like having sex with him would have largely complicated matters and until we were more clear about each others motivations I felt it would have been a mistake to go along with it.

'Friends with benefits' just doesn't work for me and I have tried. I'm fine with casual hookups but any prolonged relationship with somebody becomes predominately emotional for me. Sex with somebody I have built a relationship up with is like the icing on the cake, something extra on top of something more fundamentally important. I guess that's why I don't have a specific type when it comes to sexual partners.

Beautifuly said.

[darren23a]

I guess what you're really saying is that now he's a 'friend', there is definitely more there to lose (especially his company and friendship) should anything go wrong sexually, in the relationship once sexualised. However, the fact that he felt in the mood to do something sensually, emotionally, sexually with you the other day, means he's ready to have some kind of relationship. I don't think it would have been a hookup, for he too knows you as a 'friend'.

Therein lies the problem. I've got these large complicated feelings for him and it's the suspicion that he might share those feelings but might be feeling scared to explore them that are frustrating me. When it comes to it though I'm not willing to lose his friendship. I'd like to think that if I've learnt anything from my past relationships its that as painful as things might seem now they will pass eventually. I'm not willing to risk something that is likely to be permanent for something that is potentially temporary if he's not willing to pursue it in the same way I am.

I saw him again tonight briefly. I live with our mutual friend and he had come over to watch a film. I sleep during the day as I work night shifts. As I was getting ready for work, it felt like he was flirting with me. He kept making coded references to things we discussed that night together, holding eye contact and smiling. Although it was funny and a little exciting as our friend was completely oblivious, it was driving me crazy at the same time. I don't get the impression he's toying with me though. It really feels like he want's to explore it but is second-guessing himself.

[princealbertofb]

Be patient, then, @darren23a, and enjoy the flirtation. It must be fun to see that your mutual friend can't see what's going on. On the other hand, should you open up to him about how you feel? Would he give you good advice? We don't know you as he does.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Chloroform and rope can change that no into a yes.....

Are you the type of person with the courage to have the body of a 25 year old - tied up and locked in your closet? If no, then drop this.

If yes then you might want to consider some professional emergency help before someone gets hurt.

[darren23a]

It must be fun to see that your mutual friend can't see what's going on. On the other hand, should you open up to him about how you feel? Would he give you good advice? We don't know you as he does.

We've both agreed not to tell him what happened between us. We love him but he's the male GloZell, entirely unable to keep anything to himself or speak at a volume that is considered appropriate for normal speech. For example, we were in a bar that has live music and singing last week and the bar staff had to come and ask him to stop singing louder than the woman on stage with the microphone, particularly as they were paying her a significant sum to sing. He didn't seem to see what the problem was. We're both very private so him knowing wouldn't work for us.

Are you the type of person with the courage to have the body of a 25 year old - tied up and locked in your closet?

I resent the accusation. He's 21. He's also taller and broader than me so I'll have to train my cat like reflexes before I decide to go ahead with this plan.

[princealbertofb]

[MENTION=21237]darren23a[/MENTION]; I didn't know whether it was a good idea or not to confide in your mutual friend, apparently it isn't. Actually, this is between the two of you and it's nobody else's business, really. (except that we on the forum know now, lol) but what I mean is that a private life can be just that, private.

[Juanton]

Chloroform and rope can change that no into a yes.....

Are you the type of person with the courage to have the body of a 25 year old - tied up and locked in your closet? If no, then drop this.

If yes then you might want to consider some professional emergency help before someone gets hurt.

I second this course of action. Maybe adding on shock therapy would help the relationship move forward