Should I continue to pursue my friend?
08-14-2015, 03:01 AM
Hi guys and gals,
I find myself in a dilemma and I need some different perspectives. If you could help it would be much appreciated.
I've had a quiet crush on a friend of mine since I met him and I've always suspected it might of been reciprocal. I met him through a friend and the three of us would always hang out together. He would drop comments every now and then which made me think he was interested and then he asked me out for the dinner just the two of us. I wasn't sure if the dinner was just two friends hanging out or something more. At dinner he told me that our other friend had known we were going for dinner and wanted to come along but he said he wanted to spend time with me alone, so I thought 'huh, interesting.'
Anyway we had a great dinner and went for cocktails afterwards and got drunk. We stayed out until 6am and ended the night sat on a wall talking for an hour about past romantic relationships we have had. He dropped a strange comment about timing in relationships that I felt was directed at me but didn't really understand. We finished the talk and hugged for a really long time and went our separate ways.
I sent him a text saying that I had a great night and that we should hang out just the two of us again, he responded that he'd love to. A week later we made plans to go out again. We did the same as the time before, dinner, cocktails and a club. We were walking back from the club when he asked if I wanted to come back to his so we could keep chatting. I accepted and we walked back to his. He lives in student halls so his room is just a desk and a bed so we're led on his bed chatting when he leans over and kisses me, I kiss him back and he pulls me on top of him and starts to undress me. I stop him and tell him I think it's best if we don't do this as we're both drunk. He agrees and suggests we just cuddle. I offer to leave but he tells me he wants me to stay.
I spend the morning led next to him, not being able to sleep, wondering what all this means. When he wakes, I ask him if he wants to talk about what happened and he seems a little unsure. I tell him that I've had a crush on him, which he seemed genuinely surprised about. I asked him if he wants to start dating but he says he's worried to do that. He tells me that me and our other friend are the only true friends he has had since moving to the city, that he doesn't want to risk us falling out as friends if we date and it doesn't work out. I reassure him that would never happen, that he'll always have a friend in me, which is true, I've never fallen out with an ex boyfriend and still talk to all my ex boyfriends, our mutual friend is an ex boyfriend of mine.
He tells me that his last relationship ended badly. That his ex had HIV and knowingly slept with him without using a condom or informing him that he was positive. I know all this obviously, as he came over mine freaking out at the time and I went with him to the clinic. He didn't know his boyfriend already knew he was positive at the time and they tried to keep things going between them but then when he discovered that his boyfriend already knew but didn't tell him he felt betrayed and couldn't trust him anymore and ended the relationship. His boyfriend got upset and said some very cruel things to him, he didn't expect that and he said he doesn't want to go through it again. He then mentions the thing about it being bad timing.
I say I understand, that I appreciate him being honest. We lay on the bed in each others arms for a while longer and talk a little more about relationships. He has to get ready for work, so I say goodbye and we stand and hug each other for a really long time again and I go home.
The thing is, I'm confused as hell now. I really want to date him and see where it goes. We both agree that we have a real connection and I'm fairly certain from my end that things won't end badly if we don't work out as a couple but at the same time I don't want to be pushy and frighten him off. I'm having dinner with him again next week and I really want to talk to him more about it and try and convince him to give it a shot but another part of me thinks that maybe I shouldn't push it if he's not ready or perhaps he's just giving me an excuse and he's not really that interested and I'm not getting the hint. I also worry that if I don't try and talk to him about it, even if he changes his mind he'll fear approaching me about it as he's already turned the idea down once before.
Do you guys think I should I pursue him or should I wait until he's ready? Am I kidding myself and should I just try and forget about it and move on?
Thanks in advance xxx
I find myself in a dilemma and I need some different perspectives. If you could help it would be much appreciated.
I've had a quiet crush on a friend of mine since I met him and I've always suspected it might of been reciprocal. I met him through a friend and the three of us would always hang out together. He would drop comments every now and then which made me think he was interested and then he asked me out for the dinner just the two of us. I wasn't sure if the dinner was just two friends hanging out or something more. At dinner he told me that our other friend had known we were going for dinner and wanted to come along but he said he wanted to spend time with me alone, so I thought 'huh, interesting.'
Anyway we had a great dinner and went for cocktails afterwards and got drunk. We stayed out until 6am and ended the night sat on a wall talking for an hour about past romantic relationships we have had. He dropped a strange comment about timing in relationships that I felt was directed at me but didn't really understand. We finished the talk and hugged for a really long time and went our separate ways.
I sent him a text saying that I had a great night and that we should hang out just the two of us again, he responded that he'd love to. A week later we made plans to go out again. We did the same as the time before, dinner, cocktails and a club. We were walking back from the club when he asked if I wanted to come back to his so we could keep chatting. I accepted and we walked back to his. He lives in student halls so his room is just a desk and a bed so we're led on his bed chatting when he leans over and kisses me, I kiss him back and he pulls me on top of him and starts to undress me. I stop him and tell him I think it's best if we don't do this as we're both drunk. He agrees and suggests we just cuddle. I offer to leave but he tells me he wants me to stay.
I spend the morning led next to him, not being able to sleep, wondering what all this means. When he wakes, I ask him if he wants to talk about what happened and he seems a little unsure. I tell him that I've had a crush on him, which he seemed genuinely surprised about. I asked him if he wants to start dating but he says he's worried to do that. He tells me that me and our other friend are the only true friends he has had since moving to the city, that he doesn't want to risk us falling out as friends if we date and it doesn't work out. I reassure him that would never happen, that he'll always have a friend in me, which is true, I've never fallen out with an ex boyfriend and still talk to all my ex boyfriends, our mutual friend is an ex boyfriend of mine.
He tells me that his last relationship ended badly. That his ex had HIV and knowingly slept with him without using a condom or informing him that he was positive. I know all this obviously, as he came over mine freaking out at the time and I went with him to the clinic. He didn't know his boyfriend already knew he was positive at the time and they tried to keep things going between them but then when he discovered that his boyfriend already knew but didn't tell him he felt betrayed and couldn't trust him anymore and ended the relationship. His boyfriend got upset and said some very cruel things to him, he didn't expect that and he said he doesn't want to go through it again. He then mentions the thing about it being bad timing.
I say I understand, that I appreciate him being honest. We lay on the bed in each others arms for a while longer and talk a little more about relationships. He has to get ready for work, so I say goodbye and we stand and hug each other for a really long time again and I go home.
The thing is, I'm confused as hell now. I really want to date him and see where it goes. We both agree that we have a real connection and I'm fairly certain from my end that things won't end badly if we don't work out as a couple but at the same time I don't want to be pushy and frighten him off. I'm having dinner with him again next week and I really want to talk to him more about it and try and convince him to give it a shot but another part of me thinks that maybe I shouldn't push it if he's not ready or perhaps he's just giving me an excuse and he's not really that interested and I'm not getting the hint. I also worry that if I don't try and talk to him about it, even if he changes his mind he'll fear approaching me about it as he's already turned the idea down once before.
Do you guys think I should I pursue him or should I wait until he's ready? Am I kidding myself and should I just try and forget about it and move on?
Thanks in advance xxx
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