Guys that say they're "Busy"

[meridannight]

Probably true in most all cases..including my own...but the problem for me is that so many times...the guy takes it personal and expects an explanation...

I have been harrassed by a guy MANY times...I couldn't get away because I was stuck behind the bar...where they asked me for "the truth"...and I learned to tell them in the nicest possible way because when I was blunt in my younger days..I paid for being honest..a price that wasn't fair at all to me...so I am suspicious of people who say they want to hear the truth,,,,

Saying you are busy is alot easier than getting an ashtray thrown at you...or your tires shlashed...

i would much rather a guy tell me that he isn't really interested than say he's busy. because when you think about it, the busy excuse really doesn't work at all. which means you're being fake when you say that. i fucking hate fakeness of any kind.

people who are busy and who are also interested in spending time with you still have other times that would work for them, and thus they would inform you in the vein of, ''i probably can't do it for the next x number of days/weeks, but after that let's do it''. you're all forgetting the key point here is when a guy consistently says he's busy, without offering any alternative times/ideas on rearranging plans. clearly, not interested then. you'd have to have some logical reasoning deficiencies not to see it.

and you might think it's a nice way to let somebody down, i'd think it was disrespectful or just plain rude, that you couldn't be truthful. there's nothing nice about lying to somebody's face.

[Cridders88]

i would much rather a guy tell me that he isn't really interested than say he's busy. because when you think about it, the busy excuse really doesn't work at all. which means you're being fake when you say that. i fucking hate fakeness of any kind.

people who are busy and who are also interested in spending time with you still have other times that would work for them, and thus they would inform you in the vein of, ''i probably can't do it for the next x number of days/weeks, but after that let's do it''. you're all forgetting the key point here is when a guy consistently says he's busy, without offering any alternative times/ideas on rearranging plans. clearly, not interested then. you'd have to have some logical reasoning deficiencies not to see it.

and you might think it's a nice way to let somebody down, i'd think it was disrespectful or just plain rude, that you couldn't be truthful. there's nothing nice about lying to somebody's face.

Completely agree with this. I'd much rather people be completely honest with me. That's why, as I said in my original post, that "I'm busy" is fine, but not repeatedly with no suggestion of an alternative date. You may as well jut say you aren't interested, and be honest about it.

[East]

and you might think it's a nice way to let somebody down, i'd think it was disrespectful or just plain rude, that you couldn't be truthful. there's nothing nice about lying to somebody's face.

No...not at all. I would much rather live in a world where telling the truth the truth was the norm...and not something people freaked out about....or made you pay for.....

"The truth" is also one of the reasons I had a series of stalkers when I was younger...but that is opening another door I want to stay closed now forever..I am done with it.....

So...I was conditioned by a desire to survive...and to have my tires intact....

I have never wanted to be untruthful ..though I would have liked to be "nice" for the sake of making the world go around a little smother...IF people considered the truth nice...it would be an ideal situation for me....

Meridan..you are rare...most people do NOT want to hear the truth...even if they ask for it..I know....much experience....

An example.....
When I was on the prowl...I would go right up to a guy I never met before and say "Wanna Fuck?"....and my success rate was good but I often got a negative response...at which time I thanked them for giving me the opportunity not to waste my time...and I would buy them a drink and wish them well...and I SINCERELY meant it...

I didn't trash them...or go on about what was wrong with them,...or pick them apart.,...or be mean to them if I saw them again....or whine about what is ":wrong with gay men" LOL......but my type...also rare...you won't find alot of people like me....hardly any....

Most people handle rejection very badly...and rejection...it is THE TRUTH...and most people don't like it....at all....

I think they should be grateful...so my POV is way at odds with the norm...

[princealbertofb]

My take on this is that there is virtue in PATIENCE. The world has gone mad since the invention of cell (mobile) phones and texting. Anyone who doesn't get an answer within seconds of sending a text message immediately starts to think the worst if/when the text gets no reply.

This is NOT a perfect world. For an example, my father sent me a text message with a question about when I was coming. I saw the message some six hours later and answered it. I left another question for him, to see if he had any plans which took my arrival time into consideration. He did not answer. No wonder. He never got my message (at least, he didn't think he'd got it). Some messages get lost, and some get deleted by mistake, and some take longer than a second to arrive and are stocked somewhere in virtualland.

My father may not be the best user of a mobile phone, but when I eventually got to his place, I showed him that I had answered his messages on my phone. He said : "That's odd, I never got those answers."

As it turns out, the messages were in a place/folder of his phone where he was not used to fetching his messages, I can't remember why, nor the settings that made my messages go missing from his usual IN BOX, but for all intents and purposes, he didn't get my answer, nor my subsequent question.

Incidentally, why not use a phone call if you need an explanation or to set up a fixed date or time for something? No one seems to use calls anymore. Is that a new ethical rule?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Just wanted to start a discussion, how many of you have tried to ask a guy out and when you do he comes back to you saying he's busy? There's more to the story of why I'm asking but I just wanted to get some thoughts first. If this has happened to any of you guys what do you do? Do you let some time pass and ask them again at a later date, or do you move on to another guy thinking this person is to busy to care?

There is insufficient data here to make a reasonable reply.

Busy means what exactly? Well I would of course ask "Busy how? - work, taking care of your ailing parent, busy scoring a back of crack?"

Right now I'm at a point in my life that when a guy asks me out on a date I tell him at this point in time in my life I am too busy to get in a relationship.

If he wants to know more then I tell him, I'm currently transitioning from a physical rehabilitation center to my own apartment (which if my cardiologist doesn't put me in hospital Wednesday, I can be moving into my new place as early as Thursday). I'm also "busy" dealing with health issues - both physical and psychological.

So yes, there is at least one gay man in the world who is too busy to date, get involved with kick starting a relationship, or for that matter even dating.

IF you ask him what he is busy with and he tries to give you a weak or unclear reply, then either he is currently not interested in YOU or his mind is busy with trying to find a way to dispose of the body of his most recent 'date'.

This is a thing of communication, not a thing of you giving us a general subject without details and then expect anyone to make a rational answer of yes or no.

IF this guy is busy as in he has a job and works 50+ hours a week, then let it be until he manages his time better. IF he is taking care of his ailing mother then offer to assist with that care because you are a kind, helpful human being, not because you think it will win you brownie points and score in bed.

IF he refuses to say how or why he is busy, or gives a clear as mud reply, back off and leave it be - he is either hiding something, or he is trying to nicely let you know that you are not his type and the interest is not a two way street.

[SilentFilm1988]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I wasn't expecting so many. I appreciate everyone's imput, I realize I didn't give that many details, but I just wanted to get a few general thoughts before I elaborated more.

To begin my post is not about 1 guy in particular. It just seems in the past 2 years or so more often than not guys would tell me that, that they're busy. 2 different guys I talked to online at different times about a year or so apart from each other. Situation was pretty much similar with both guys. Started out emailing online, then numbers were exchanged, some texts followed. Then I ask both guys (again keep in mind there both a year apart don't want to confuse anyone thinking I was asking 2 guys at the very same time) on a date and they replied they were busy with work. I thought okay that's fine I went chatting about other things with them. Couple days pass and I ask again and same reply from both very busy with work. So at that point I decided I don't want to make it seem like I'm being "Pushy" that they both do have lives. So in both cases I let some time pass to give them some space (little over a week in both cases) on focus on stuff for me my friends, my work, doing fun stuff for me like going to the movies, bowling, etc. Now after the time had passed with both I asked them how they were doing started a conversation with both and then subtly brought up meeting up again. And in the case with both guys they told me they were seeing another guy. Being the nice person I am I said something to the effect of "well my loss is there gain" and they said thank you so much for being understanding. I wanted to reply "Go fuck yourself" but I did not.

So based on those 2 guys I sometimes wonder the guys that say they're busy are they really busy? They're gets to be a certain point, and I'm sure some would agree, where you just get tired of asking. I agree I 100% would rather a guy be honest with me than lie if he isn't interested. Why give out your number to somebody if they don't interest you sexually? But I admit it's my fault to. When talking online or text I don't believe in talking endlessly about things telling everything about yourself through text before you even meet. I am very much an in person kind of guy and not just dating even with my friends. I could be like I've got this really funny story I have to tell you are you free later so I can tell you? I feel in person you get so much more than through email/text.

[meridannight]

I agree I 100% would rather a guy be honest with me than lie if he isn't interested. Why give out your number to somebody if they don't interest you sexually? But I admit it's my fault to. When talking online or text I don't believe in talking endlessly about things telling everything about yourself through text before you even meet. I am very much an in person kind of guy and not just dating even with my friends. I could be like I've got this really funny story I have to tell you are you free later so I can tell you? I feel in person you get so much more than through email/text.

i'm exactly the same, SilentFilm.

[Virge]

[MENTION=21084]Virge[/MENTION], [MENTION=22709]JohnSomebody[/MENTION]
i also sometimes get very busy at my work, but i can always find a couple of hours -- at the very least! -- whether at the expense of my personal time, sleep time, or work time to spend time with a man i am interested in getting to know. if i am not willing to find the time for him, then i am not that interested in being with him. that's the bare truth.

this applies to everyone. honestly, no person on this planet is that busy that they can't spare two hours from their week! that's just nonsense. then they apparently are not that interested in spending time with whomever it was that asked. this has to do with the guy who asks, not having the whole 168 hours from your week scheduled for. unless, you're the President of the country, you are not that busy.

That would be your situation which is fine. I'm talking in terms broader than romantic interests. We had a call from a friend on Thursday wanting us to come to his birthday party at 6 pm tonight. (Saturday) There was no possible way because I'm running the B&B all all alone weekend. Jay didn't want to go without me and he's just fine to hang out right here doing his lazy weekend stuff being with me... that's married life. But boy oh boy!!!! according to the birthday boy we were supposed to drop everything and rearrange our schedules on two days notice just to meet his expectations... There were all sorts of accusations of us not being friends - which we might not be after this.

I said,

Anyone who does this about being told "I can't I'm busy" is likely to do it about, "I'm late because I had to work late" or "I slept with him a long time ago but now we're just friends"

totally false. now you're imposing your subjective something onto it. these are completely different circumstances.

I may be wrong. Still it's basically the same type thinking that leads a guy who overreacts to being told "I can't. I'm busy" as to the others things I pointed out.

[East]

It sounds to me like the real problem is that you re meeting men who are trying to cheat on their boyfriend and are just playing games with you.

[meridannight]

That would be your situation which is fine. I'm talking in terms broader than romantic interests. We had a call from a friend on Thursday wanting us to come to his birthday party at 6 pm tonight. (Saturday) There was no possible way because I'm running the B&B all all alone weekend. Jay didn't want to go without me and he's just fine to hang out right here doing his lazy weekend stuff being with me... that's married life. But boy oh boy!!!! according to the birthday boy we were supposed to drop everything and rearrange our schedules on two days notice just to meet his expectations... There were all sorts of accusations of us not being friends - which we might not be after this.

i'm also talking in terms broader than romantic interests. but yours is a completely different scenario than what was brought out by myself and others. as we have repeatedly said, we get it when someone is busy once, or even twice. of course it happens. when a friend can't make it on specific time, on a specific date, we all get it. we were talking about an event not limited to a certain date. a getting together with a friend just to see him, whether it's two days from bringing the subject up, or two-three weeks from bringing it up. when they're always busy, and never reciprocate interest. your example is nothing like that. you and i are talking about two completely different things. there's no way to approach them on an equal footing, and talk of them as being alike.

Still it's basically the same type thinking that leads a guy who overreacts to being told "I can't. I'm busy" as to the others things I pointed out.

it's not the same thinking.