does knowing my sexual orientation matter ?

[Cuddly]

edit : what did you do when you started to identify your sexual/emotional interests

I worried for a while and hoped I could change it. I couldn't believe this happened to me! Why me? I considered suicide, but gradually changed it to just staying single and closetted until everyone I knew had died of old age. Then I met a guy and came out. Suddenly life was amazing.

It sounds like you are bi. You can't change that. I guess you should try it... (having guy on guy action - not changing it)

[MikeW]

so you guys think i should just not worry about it and keep my options open ?

what did you do when you started to identify your sexual interests ?

Worrying about anything is always a waste of time. Thinking something through, yeah... but that isn't "worry". "Worry" is an emotional thing, like fear or concern, and it is specifically about an imaginary "future" that may or may not even ever happen. Stay in the present. What's happening right now? Let that guide you.

There's a URL in my signature that goes to a long ass thread on how I learned I was "gay"at age 16. Half a century later things are very different (and very much the same). For me earlier on than that, I knew damn well I was a "cock sucking faggot". And, yeah, I had sex with girls, too. Even lived with a woman for ten years.

But what is in a word like "gay" or "bi" or "straight"? Does it matter what we call ourselves and one another? Recently, I've read, the "hot urban sexual identity term" is SEXUALLY FLUID. In brief: Have fun. Be safe. Don't worry. Be happy. Enjoy your life. It may very well be the only one you'll get.

As for parents... I don't know how old you are but do they really care what you do with your dick and who you do it with? What business is it of theirs, anyway? Unless it is getting "serious" and you're starting to nest... creating a family of your own that you want acknowledged by your existing family. MOST (obviously not all, unfortunately) parents want their children to be happy... whatever that means to them. If its outside their social experience they might have to go through a "get used to it" phase, as we all do. So?

[TigerLover]

Well I think this is the bisexual golden rule. Just relax and date people on a person by person basis. If you're out there focusing exclusively on guys you might miss out on a sweet girl who's just right for you and vice versa.

You might want to experiment with a guy first to be sure of your sexuality but it's not mandatory. If you can, take all those thoughts about being gay, straight, bi and get them the hell out of your head, those thoughts are no good. They're just pointless stress.

[TwisttheLeaf]

So.... in my case my interests were very clear even from a very young age. I never really had a chance to be 'in the closet' or to debate through all of this.

From observation of others? I would say that trying to suppress one's needs and interests is a path to being miserable. So.... yeah man. Keep your options open and if the opportunity presents itself, let things go the way they go, yeah?

That said? You might want to consider moving out and getting yourself some independence. It would be MUCH easier to stay in the closet (should something come your way) while -not- living under their roof.

I _DO_ understand your desire to stay in the closet, though, yeah? Abbotsford is right in the middle of what is generally considered the British Columbia's "bible belt". It can be... a very intimidating place to consider coming out.

[Darius]

Third Eye, you won't always live with your parents, so no need to tell them you are curious. Wait until you have it figured out.

Do you watch gay/bi porn or just straight?

Others might not agree with me, but I don't think a guy having sex with another guy and enjoying it is proof that he is gay. Having alot of sex with another guy is another story, however.

You could be bisexual.

[ThirdEyeGaze]

i know everyone has been saying i need to move out and this is very true.

just wanted to update about this.
I will be leaving for Quebec in a couple months ( staying for around 3 months )and then will be going to new Brunswick for another few months and finally, ending up living in Alberta, i should have my own place in hopefully 5 months later.

so my current living situation and around the next year of my life is all very temporary

[ThirdEyeGaze]

If he hadn't have been so proactive in saying he was coming to see me, I don't know how long it would have taken for me to get it on with a guy. I'm still a little shy at first but nowhere near as shy as I was back then. Although to be fair, when we broke up and he got all arsey and I ended up standing up to him at a birthday thing (long story), it started to grow my confidence even more. I guess I have a lot to thank him for

do you still have a hard time being confident ? and do you have any advice for being confident ?
i tend to be nervous in social situations but im actively trying to be more involved in conversations and interactions with the people i meet

[IanSaysHi]

[MENTION=22252]ThirdEyeGaze[/MENTION] Confidence is one of those things that grows with time... Mine grew from realising people liked me and from letting my sense of humour out. Sometimes you have to risk things and just say what's in your head... I used to worry about/analyse things I said if they'd not got the reaction I was expecting, but as a friend said to me "is the other person thinking about this right now? Are they even going to remember what you said?". I don't struggle with date-shyness anymore, although my flirting skills in date 1 are shambolic. My only 'confidence nightmare' setting nowadays is being thrown singly into a random stranger group setting. I went to a networking event earlier this year, I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I find striking up conversation and asking questions about people's careers, where they're from etc awkward and doesn't come naturally to me. I'd rather go off on a tangent and talk about a load of rubbish.

[Insertnamehere]

Focus less on the labels if you have trouble with them and more on your personal likings

You like a guy? go get him
You like a girl? go get her

Don't go using any shoe that doesn't fit you, and you know by shoes I mean labels.

Talking about any sexual orientation other than "straight" with the family might prove difficult or might be easy. If you care to risk it, live on your own and be economically independent first. Then, any negative reaction will have little practical impact on you (can't say anything about the emotional side, though)

[JackTX]

Of course having sex with a girl will feel good. But I always felt the test was easy: what do you think about when jerking off?

If you're afraid/hesitant/unconfident/whatever of being a "gay," you can hang on to straight things but if all you ever think about is dudes when you jerk off, you gay Not everyone can be comfortable with that in this society. I know a guy from high school who I'm pretty sure is gay but he still runs around talking about girls. I'm not sure if he does gay stuff on the down low or not. I have somewhat logical brain and took the other path: I knew at 13 what my attractions meant (thank you After School Specials) and gave up dating girls shortly after. I knew enough to keep it secret for a while and from certain people but I otherwise didn't want to live a lie.

Bisexuals issues I can't really explain. I think sexuality is experienced differently for a lot of people so I don't discount their experience.

It's great that you're getting your own place. That might make a coming out much easier, if that's the road you take. Hopefully they are the unconditional-love type of family.

Good luck