Unrequited love

[Phantom]

Hello dear friends.

A desperation beyond repair forced me to sign up here and pour out my pain. You can guess why from the title- I am in love with a person who does not share my feelings.

It is almost an year now since I fell for him. I don't know how did it happen. This man is older than me and partnered. He never gave me hopes for a relationship before and then. He is a handsome, sexy man. We met several times and made love. I loved his attitude to me. I felt that I am liked and appreciated. For a long time I refused to believe that I love him. I poured out my heart in front of him.

Pain is unbearable- everybody knows that. I suffer but don't cry. Just wear my rose- coloured glasses. I try to put myself in order, do my hobbies, trying sports, meditation etc. Nothing helps. I am lost. I LOVE HIM SO DEEPLY!

Although we are separated by many miles, he is still in my life- on facebook. I am in touch with him twice a month- my pain just gets so unbearable, that I have the need to tell him hi, to hear something from him. He says so many lovely things to me as a person (not related to being together or sex). I/we try hard to stay friends. Nothing could change the focus of my attention.

There are moments that I blame him for all this stuff. It might due to the fact that I am in a bad state and my blames are not wise. On the other hand, I am in a state where I refuse to accept truths.

Dear friends, please help. I want to get out of this mess. I need advice.

Thank you.

[Insertnamehere]

You already know what you have to do and what you have to stop doing.

You have to stop indulging in something that's not going to happen.

You have to stop having contact with him , plain and simple, until a time you don't feel what you do.

All those feelings can be put to good use in someone who will reciprocate then, so, please, start doing the things you need to get moving on from this and NOW..

RIGHT NOW, cut him loose.

[CellarDweller]

Hello Phantom,

You talk about looking through rose colored glasses at this whole matter, maybe a different way to define it will help you.

This man is older than me and partnered. He never gave me hopes for a relationship before and then. He is a handsome, sexy man. We met several times and made love.

So this older letch of a man basically led you on, used you for sex, cheated on his partner with you, and now helps to prolong the pain by contacting you.

It is time to turn your back and move on. It won't be easy, but you'll be a better person for it.

[jimcrackcorn]

It is unfortunate that you have to go thru this. I wish there were some quick way to relieve your pain, but none exist. Time,,,, is the only cure for unrequited love.

As the other posters have already said; break all communication with him. Avoid seeing him... It will take a couple months before you start having days where your not thinking about him constantly, be patient and continue staying busy.

You have learned a valuable lesson with this fella. Never get sexually or emotionally involved with a married man. 9 times out of 10 they will stay with their partner and leave you feeling lost & miserable.

For now,,, be kind to yourself. Go out and have a drink with friends,, buy something nice for yourself, and keep your head-up...

Sincerely,
Jim

[East]

This is tough..I know....

My advice...if it isn't going to go anywhere..I think you should find a way to pull back. It isn't good for your mental health to keep torturing yourself....

I know it probably doesn't seem possible at this moment..but if you manage to pull away...it will fade after awhile....

[meridannight]

So this older letch of a man basically led you on, used you for sex, cheated on his partner with you, and now helps to prolong the pain by contacting you.

or --- he's in an open relationship and met with the original poster for sex only.

or he's not, but either case he obviously didn't lead him on with telling him that relationship between them is impossible.

[Phantom]

Hello.

Thank you for your compassion and quick answers.

This person and his partner are in an open relationship. I am not sure that they consider it as a cheating. There was sex once between me and the subject of my affection, but other things too. We are trying/ working out to remain friends. He clearly stated that he wants friendship.

I don't see him, but we are friends on facebook. However, I need to move to the city where he lives, due to my work ( a new chapter of my life starts, as I finished my MSc degree this September).

I am trying to do my hobbies and some sports but sometimes that goes mechanically. My body is doing the physical activity, while my mind does not.

Guys, the hardest thing would be to turn my back and walk away. I don't know how to do it.

Thank you for your compassion.

The Phantom.

[kindy64]

Block him on facebook, block his number, get him out of your life and move on...

Yeah, it's painful, but continuing to pine after this taken man is only going to waste your time and emotions.

Find someone else.

[Camfer]

Nothing could change the focus of my attention.

^^^This is your problem. Drop that thought.

This obsession doesn't serve you at all. Move on and forget about this guy.

[Phantom]

How to move forward? Should I delete his phone number and block him on facebook? I don't know what to do, because I am unable to make rational decisions