Stupid questions from an unexperienced guy

[Anonymous]

I never had sex, but have a lot of questions, concerning sex and relationships. Some must surely sound stupid for experienced guys.

1. How early should I warn him about some of my body flaws, and that I'm unexperiened?

2. I love feet, is it normal to ask him if he can wash his feet before I play with them, or is this awkward?

3. Am I supposed to do the same things? Like, if I get a blowjob, am I supposed to give him a blowjob as well, or can I say that I don't like to? Isn't that unfair though? Are there any unwritten laws about this that I might break?

4. What if he is very experienced? My first time will be something special for me. If he had dozens or hundreds of men before, how can I cope knowing that it's nothing special for him?
Does an experienced guy even want to have sex or a relationship with a virgin?

5. What if I have to cry during or after my first sex?

6. Is it ok to cuddle and kiss even on a hookup, without meaning anything, i.e. he shouldn't think that I want a relationship? I am just very cuddly.

7. What if I suddenly want to not go any further without hurting him?

8. The thought of letting a stranger into my place (or going with him) kinda freaks me out. How come it's so normal for others? Am I paranoid or do others just ignore the risks?

9. I might like him, but find something about him that disturbs me or that I have personal issues with. Some of them might not be understandable for others. How should I deal with that?

[LJay]

1. Unless you have a colostomy bag or three knees, don't bother. He will find out soon enough.
2. Talk him into the shower and wash them for him. Be sure to remove shoes and socks first.
3. Just make him happy. If we told you about the unwritten rules here, they would be written and then there would be none.
4. He didn't get to be very experienced by just thinking it is nothing special. Some guys even specialize in virgins.

5. Don't. Just don't.
6. Cuddling can be OK. Just don't say things like, "I was with my last guy for ten years and all we did was cuddle." or "I think my teddy bear would like to join us."
7. Hurting him is a NO-NO, unless he asks you to and then you may still not use knives or hammers.
8. It is normal for others because they are horny. As for the rest of it: Yes. One way to deal with this is to meet in a public place. the fire station is not a good public place.
9. If you like him you will probably be able to overlook his wanting to bring his Grandmother along on your dates, eve if she has been dead for six years. Most other things will be tolerable.

Remember, communication is the real key to good fun, so remember to say hi before you start licking.

[TigerLover]

I never had sex, but have a lot of questions, concerning sex and relationships. Some must surely sound stupid for experienced guys.

1. How early should I warn him about some of my body flaws, and that I'm unexperiened?
-Depends on the body flaws..........
-Tell him upfront before you meet up that you're a virgin..... seriously he'll wanna know. And frankly it's a bit of a dick move not to tell him.

2. I love feet, is it normal to ask him if he can wash his feet before I play with them, or is this awkward?
-Yeah thats gonna be an awkward conversation, best saved for a little into a relationship or advertised as part of a casual sexual meeting so you know in advance that the guy is into it. But hell it's probably best to leave out the kinky foot-play for now.

3. Am I supposed to do the same things? Like, if I get a blowjob, am I supposed to give him a blowjob as well, or can I say that I don't like to? Isn't that unfair though? Are there any unwritten laws about this that I might break?
-Nothing about sex is mandatory, again if he knows you're a virgin he'll understand. Still my momma always said to try everything once, I think you should at least try it to see whether you enjoy it or not.

4. What if he is very experienced? My first time will be something special for me. If he had dozens or hundreds of men before.
Does an experienced guy even want to have sex or a relationship with a virgin?

-There are guys out there who specifically look for virgins there's a certain thrill to being someones first sexual experience. Plus relationship-wise if a guy really likes you then he's not going to care about something as temporary as your virginity.

5. What if I have to cry during or after my first sex?
-Then cry, again if he knows you're a virgin he'll understand.

6. Is it ok to cuddle and kiss even on a hookup, without meaning anything, i.e. he shouldn't think that I want a relationship? I am just very cuddly.
-Depends on the guy you're hooking up with, just list it as a requirement on your profile.

7. What if I suddenly want to not go any further without hurting him?
-Then tell him so. To repeat myself, if he knows you're a virgin i'm sure he'll understand. And if he doesn't he's probably not a guy you want to lose your virginity to anyway.

8. The thought of letting a stranger into my place (or going with him) kinda freaks me out. How come it's so normal for others? Am I paranoid or do others just ignore the risks?

-No there's obvious risks which is why you should meet a hookup in a public place. I recommend coffee shops, no one pays attention to strangers in a coffee shop.

9. I might like him, but find something about him that disturbs me or that I have personal issues with. Some of them might not be understandable for others. How should I deal with that?

-Honesty is the best policy man. I'm not sure what it is you're talking about but I bet they'll bother you less in bed than you think.

It's easy to imagine that any guy you hook up with is going to be a selfish narcissistic pervert who's only interested in getting his rocks off. But you gotta remember they're guys just like any other many of them wont want to hurt you and will care about your feelings. I'm sure if you're careful you can find a nice guy to hook up with for the first time.

how can I cope knowing that it's nothing special for him?

If you really care for the symbolism of your virginity that much then I strongly recommend losing your virginity to a guy you're dating not just some casual hookup.

[Anocxu]

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1. How early should I warn him about some of my body flaws, and that I'm unexperiened?

You: "Hey . Just wanted to give you a heads up .. my body is a work in progress .. I'm really shy and a little inexperienced "
"Will that be an issue"???

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2. I love feet, is it normal to ask him if he can wash his feet before I play with them, or is this awkward?

I won't encourage this .. only because you don't know him well..
What if he has foot fungus?

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3. Am I supposed to do the same things? Like, if I get a blowjob, am I supposed to give him a blowjob as well, or can I say that I don't like to? Isn't that unfair though? Are there any unwritten laws about this that I might break?

Sharing is caring. .
You need the practice anyway..
At least try..

Remember. .
Spare the Meat!!
No Teeth!!

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4. What if he is very experienced? My first time will be something special for me. If he had dozens or hundreds of men before, how can I cope knowing that it's nothing special for him?
Does an experienced guy even want to have sex or a relationship with a virgin?

Like the others said..
Wait..
How about finding a guy that's not a pro pornstar..?

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5. What if I have to cry during or after my first sex?

Pass!!

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6. Is it ok to cuddle and kiss even on a hookup, without meaning anything, i.e. he shouldn't think that I want a relationship? I am just very cuddly.

See what he's into..
It's OK to ask if he's into cuddling.

.
7. What if I suddenly want to not go any further without hurting him?

Ask him politely to stop..
You could take a break if he's ok with that..
Just don't give up for a silly reason.

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8. The thought of letting a stranger into my place (or going with him) kinda freaks me out. How come it's so normal for others? Am I paranoid or do others just ignore the risks?

That is a reason to get to know him before you hookup.

Some of us are better at reading personalities. .
Some of us are Purple Belt in Karate. .

.
9. I might like him, but find something about him that disturbs me or that I have personal issues with. Some of them might not be understandable for others. How should I deal with that?

Remember. . He might end up feeling the same about you..
So ..
Get to know your guy ..
For your peace of mind and his..

[TwisttheLeaf]

1. Body flaws? Seriously, unless you have some hideous GROWTH that needs to be warned about, this isn't an issue. Trust me, I have more scars than the below-average shark trainer, yeah? Never had an issue with someone hot and bothered going "oh fuck, get off my dick" when he sees my scars.

The inexperienced thing? Before you fuck him, but not until then. Some have fetishes about being the first. Some have aversions to it. It's important to some people, so you -should- tell them before you screw them just to make sure they're aware.

2. If I had a guy that liked to play with my feet? I would 100% appreciate a foot bath before whatever play commences. Feet are dirty, yeah? If you want to touch them, play with them, etc, it makes sense you'd want them clean first.

3. Reciprocation can be nice but isn't required. In my experience, as long as you both get off in the end, how you get there is all about who likes what and who likes -doing- what. Nothing unfair about that.

4. Just because he's had other partners doesn't mean your first time won't be special for him. And yes, some experienced men are -totally- into virgins.

5. This is going to depend on your partner, yeah? Some guys will freak out, some won't. [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION] loves it when he makes me cry because he knows it means he's got me emotionally, deeply invested in what we're doing (whether it's D/s related, sex, BDSM related, etc.) On the other hand, I've known guys that it would freak them out.

6. I don't think this would be a problem as long as you make it clear it's not heading anywhere, that it's just part of the whole package of "sex" that you enjoy, yeah?

7. Any time you want to stop, you say stop. And if he has an issue you KICK his ass OUT. Period. Not hurting him isn't an issue. You -always- have the right to say stop, man.

8. In my case, I -never- allowed male hook-ups to come home with me. Ever. I would go to their place (which allowed me to leave whenever I want to). Or, sometimes find a hotel, car, bathroom, alley, etc. I suggest carrying a self defense mech of some sort. Pepper spray, taser, something along those lines.

9. Again, as in #7 ... No means no, man. No need for explanations if you feel it would make things worse for either of you. Don't go along with shit just to save someone's feelings or because you don't want to be embarrassed. And of course.... always think of your safety first (and I'm not just referring to using condoms here, although that should be a #1 high priority).

[Darius]

I think you should stop trying to figure out a relationship until you are in one and can work it out within it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your replies, it's really appreciated and already helped me a lot.

I see that on some questions, there's not a consense, which suggests that I should answer this in any individual case.

I guess I always thought that I have to perform like a porn star on my first experience.

Also probably my best bet is to not rush things, and date someone for a while before the first sex happens, if I can go by a plan. If there's anything spontaneous (i.e. unplanned) happening, I will decide if the situation feels comfortable enough and then I should be able to go, I hope.

Thanks!

[Anocxu]

~>Based on your concerns. .
It's better to wait.

[Cridders88]

I guess I always thought that I have to perform like a porn star on my first experience.

!

Lol! Porn, in most cases, is not at all realistic. Don't base your first time on what you see in porn

Agreed with Alvin, probably best to wait.

[Scootaloo]

Lol! Porn, in most cases, is not at all realistic. Don't base your first time on what you see in porn

Agreed with Alvin, probably best to wait.

However, don't be afraid to try things you see in porn, just don't expect it to work out exactly the same