First...Love??

[Fairwooz]

Well hello everyone. Welcome to my thread full of confusion.. such a warm welcome,eh?

Brief intro; I'm a 21y/o single (?) gay male. I've got plenty of experience on the sexual side of things, lets put it that way, but my relationship experience is fairly close to non-existent.

I recently moved to a new place for work and for the first few weeks I was fully content with exploring the local guys on grindr and making arrangements for the good old 'fun'.. I was getting sick of it and wanted to take my life onto the next stage, lets say, but really didn't know how exactly to achieve that.. Long story short, I started talking to that guy on grindr and things began to change slowly... We met up few times for a casual walk, coffee, etc.. Over the course of few weeks I started feeling like I need to see that person.. continously.. for as long as possible..And my desire really wasn't sex driven. One time he invited me over and it was a lovely evening with a lovely ending.. we had our first kiss and I was the happiest person, smiling from ear to ear on my way back home. I realised how quickly things have changed- few weeks back I was doing the walk of shame back home after the usual hookup, feeling like shit and slightly hating myself.. and now i couldn't be happier from only a kiss.
I started being obsessed with that guy, and he seemed to share the feeling.. He came over mine the day after and things were going great, everything felt so natural and right- feeling that I'm really not familiar with.

Then all sorts of confusing thoughts started creeping into my head. What is he doing right now? Why am I so obsessed with him? Am I inlove? What do I do with my life now..?? I couldn't stop thinking about him- everything started revolving around THE person.. ''I'm going to the gym, because I want to look better for him''; ''I'll stay up way past my bedtime so I can see if he comes online after he's finished work'' etc.

Everything else in my life was kind of put on hold.. I couldn't focus at work, I didnt read my favourite articles anymore, I wasn't very interested in reading the new book I just bought.. It was just him now.

I consider myself VERY mature and responsible (maybe a bit too much, for my age, as I keep getting told), but this situation has made me question my 'maturity' a lot. How can i lose complete control over my life because of one person?!!?

And obviously there is that constant thought of uncertainty that causes explosions in my brain-what if he doesn't feel the same way for me? what do I do if he decides that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me? Is he getting less and less interested (judging by his messages and behaviour..).? Just a brief list of questions I ask myself on a hourly basis, REALISING how stupid and mindblowingly pointless they are- can't help myself I guess?


Appologies for the EXTREMELY LONG post.. I guess my point is to seek.. understanding? It's more of a confession, which I had to do to keep my sanity. I'd love to hear about your first.. experiences with love.. any advice on how survive through this is more than welcome!

well, thanks for the attention?
cheers

[East]

I have been in your shoes...more then once....and it used to piss me off that anyone had that much of an effect on me.....I wasn't happy about it.....

I never wanted a relationship though so I spent time ignoring the feeling and telling myself he was probably not interested anyway....which turns out to be the key to making sure they ARE interested LOL....a little indifference can sometimes be like catnip for the other guy...

In other words..take a cold shower and play it cool if you really like him. Too much attentiveness or obsession can make a guy run...

[IanSaysHi]

Okay first of all - I'm really happy I've got to the end of your post and not got to "But then I did this and didn't hear back from him in 5 days so I text him and he said he doesn't want to see me again". Sorry but too many topics end like that nowadays.

Second of all I'm pleased you've found a nice guy. I'm very dubious of anything serious starting from Grindr but I always say, never say never.

Thirdly... I can completely understand your feelings. They are INTENSE. It's all in the chest area and amazing and happy and wow and great. But I think you made the right decision in posting because it sounds like you know your feelings are making you act out of the ordinary and yes, you need to rein them in a bit. I'm not sure how but maybe this will help.
A few years ago I moved to a new city with my office job. I knew no-one, and was bored on weekends, so decided to get a weekend bar job. On my second shift I was introduced to a guy who was just so different to anyone I'd met before. He was my type, showed a genuine interest in my history, was helpful, kind... When he text me the first time to ask if I wanted to go with him and the others to the cinema I was very happy. Over the weeks we started going for food and stuff... I really fell for him.
One night we were walking home (we lived in the same area) and I just couldn't handle my feelings anymore. I basically told him I was struggling to be his friend. He went quiet and asked why and I just told him that I had feelings for him... He went quiet again for the longest 5 seconds EVER then asked me "well what if I have feelings for you too?". I was going through a phase of 'why would anyone want me' so I was all "you don't mean it etc" but (eventually) luckily I ended up at his on his sofa, kissing with his arm around me. I was so happy. We slept together then pretty much saw each other each day. He'd meet me after my 9-5, we'd have food... At work we'd secretly snog etc or I'd feel him gently brush my back or arm with his finger. I was happy.
Apart from having to keep it a secret.
This guy we worked with at the bar who was his friend apparently had feelings for him, and my bf didn't want to hurt his feelings. He said he'd tell him when the time was right. Well, time went on and I started to get a bit frustrated having to keep it all a secret. I still felt INTENSE feelings and he was the centre of my world at that point.
Anyway one day I went to his before we were due to start shift and I said it was over. He asked why and I said I couldn't be a secret anymore. He then said he was going to tell the other guy that night but I just thought it was a load of shit and it was over.
Inside I thought he'd beg me to stay with him. That it would reaffirm how he felt for me. That it would be like some romantic film (I was clearly not emotionally mature enough). But turns out I hurt him a lot. So it all backfired and then two weeks later when I kinda pleaded for him to take me back, he didn't want to know.
My life became a mess. I did all kinds of crazy things for a few months just to try and feel again. I ruined that year of my life.
Now obviously I look back and almost laugh thinking how crazy I was. And I'm not saying you'll do what I did. What I guess I'm saying is that when these feelings are intense, you have poor judgement. You need to try and somehow cool yourself a little. Easier said than done, but I think it's about remembering you have a life outside of your bf. He'll hopefully be a big part of it going forward, but also make time for your friends too, and also for yourself and your interests. If you make your life all about him you risk losing your identity and what he's fallen for.

Lol I've really rambled here but I hope this helps. Enjoy it, and don't make any stupid mistakes like I did

[Fairwooz]

Thanks to both of you guys, your responses are highly appreciated.

I do realise I need to calm down a bit and just let things happen, instead of overthinking every possible outcome.. but yeah, easier said than done. I've probably been a bit too pushy with messages in the last week, but I'd just like to know what his intentions actually are. Are we going to try to make it work, or..? Usually I'm as far as you could possibly be from drama and all that cheesiness ''I want to know what he's doing every second of his day'', but i feel like this whole experience is making me turn into that kind of person precisely.. And I hate it.
There's one major point, which I missed out of my first post. He's just started his education here (meaning he'll be around for a minimum of 4 years). Myself, however.. I am only here for 8 more months and then I'm flying back home. He pointed that out and said that he couldn't help but think what would eventually happen when I leave. I do understand how many variables there are in this hypothetical relationship and maybe I just need to give him some space to think about it and figure it out himself. But meanwhile I want to make it quite obvious that my intentions are serious, without being creepy, overly obsessive and pushy.
That thought is just constantly bugging me- how do I show my intentions without appearing desperate and pushy,and without pestering him to make a decision straight away? Tricky..

[Beaux]

Thanks to both of you guys, your responses are highly appreciated.

I do realise I need to calm down a bit and just let things happen, instead of overthinking every possible outcome.. but yeah, easier said than done. I've probably been a bit too pushy with messages in the last week, but I'd just like to know what his intentions actually are. Are we going to try to make it work, or..? Usually I'm as far as you could possibly be from drama and all that cheesiness ''I want to know what he's doing every second of his day'', but i feel like this whole experience is making me turn into that kind of person precisely.. And I hate it.
There's one major point, which I missed out of my first post. He's just started his education here (meaning he'll be around for a minimum of 4 years). Myself, however.. I am only here for 8 more months and then I'm flying back home. He pointed that out and said that he couldn't help but think what would eventually happen when I leave. I do understand how many variables there are in this hypothetical relationship and maybe I just need to give him some space to think about it and figure it out himself. But meanwhile I want to make it quite obvious that my intentions are serious, without being creepy, overly obsessive and pushy.
That thought is just constantly bugging me- how do I show my intentions without appearing desperate and pushy,and without pestering him to make a decision straight away? Tricky..

You, my friend, are in Rut! XD
~Beaux

[Fairwooz]

[MENTION=13210]Beaux[/MENTION] ... indeed I am

[thawoods]

man, I'm afraid alot of people would get jealous with my experience......

so here goes.....

Once upon a time, i had a crush on this really cute classmate of mine, he was my crush for 3 years (even until now i guess). I thought I could never get a hold of him or even see his dick (i think you know the feeling). Until one night, during my birthday party, something unexpected happened. 'twas the best birthday gift ever! Your crush coming to you and asking you to show him your dick? Man, I felt so honored exy-kisses-smiley- . So i brought him to a secluded place, but me of course being the opportunist that i was asked him to show his dick first. man was i impressed, it was a big one, topped off with a fluff of hair . then of course, being so excited, he groped mine, and we ended up masturbating each other,,,,, ahhhhh the feels,,,,,

[Anocxu]

man, I'm afraid alot of people would get jealous with my experience......

so here goes.....

Once upon a time, i had a crush on this really cute classmate of mine, he was my crush for 3 years (even until now i guess). I thought I could never get a hold of him or even see his dick (i think you know the feeling). Until one night, during my birthday party, something unexpected happened. 'twas the best birthday gift ever! Your crush coming to you and asking you to show him your dick? Man, I felt so honored exy-kisses-smiley- . So i brought him to a secluded place, but me of course being the opportunist that i was asked him to show his dick first. man was i impressed, it was a big one, topped off with a fluff of hair . then of course, being so excited, he groped mine, and we ended up masturbating each other,,,,, ahhhhh the feels,,,,,

Aw..
I thought it would have been something wilder..

Why would most gay guys be jealous of that story?

Just curious?






And trolling you slightly. .

[thawoods]

because it's rare for a handsome guy to like me.....

[Anocxu]

because it's rare for a handsome guy to like me.....

Aww don't say that..

Remember. . Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. .

Sometimes it is impossible to see ourselves the way others see us..