I am gay, ugly depressed. My friends make me feel worse. What should I do?

[Anocxu]

Any advice?

Before you read this post..
I need you to understand.. I have lived your life..

The boys will tell you around here that I'm a nice guy .. but I have to deliver you some HARD truth.
(Hugs)

*Are you grateful for anything that's happening in your life?

*You have to figure out a clever way how to get a hold of this toxic depression you described in your opening post.

~>A boyfriend will not help or solve your problems.
If you are having issues placing your happiness in reach .. That should be your priority.
A boyfriend is not your answer ..As [MENTION=23123]Alto[/MENTION] said in a thread...
Change your life.

Now about your friends..
You should be grateful that you have so many first of all..
Instead of wanting what they have.. you should pay some attention to how they got these things in the first place.

I had a very close friend describe to me what he called his Outer Body experience. .
~>An out-of-body experience*(OBE or sometimes OOBE) the feeling of perceiving one's physical*body*as if from a place outside .
~>Pay very close attention to the things that are making you depressed. .

You can be depressed for only so long before you become toxic.., eternally bitter or Jaded.
Make the decision to end the self loathing and discomfort now!

The positive details in your life are ...*your studies and *your friends. . Make the best of those.. figure out a way to turn the frowns upside-down .. that's a good start.


Answer this question. .

If you met a guy exactly like yourself.. (Frustrated, lost, unhappy. . Indifferent )
Would you consider dating him?

Change your life...

No disrespect. .No judgement. .I promise.

[koseku]

I think physical look can be changed to some degree, maybe you should try it if possible(but i dont know what you mean by ugly) but you shouldnt feel ugly, it will only make you feel more ugly, try to do things that will courage you, to restore your self-trust first

[SilverBullet]

I agree with what several people have pointed out. Do not be so negative with yourself. you MUST find a way to build confidence.

[kindy64]

Everyone gave good advice, be proud of what you have accomplished, and where you are right now in your life compared to where you were. Phew... that alone should bring a smile to your face. There is someone for everyone my cousin says. I look for personality before looks, because the most beautiful person on the outside can still have an ugly soul.

Now some practical advice: since you are already in the gay club, put your phone in your pocket, start looking people in the eyes, and talk with them. Don't be desperate, everything starts with an introduction, so figure out your "elevator pitch" what are you going to say when you walk up to a stranger and say hello. Think about it ahead of time before you even get to the bar.

Do you dance? Then learn, no matter how awkward you feel. You need to break out of your current social comfort zone. What interests you? Make sure you know the latest news. Have things to say.

Seek activities you can do that you are comfortable with. Like reading, look for a book club, gay or otherwise. A lot of straight people know other gay people. It's all about networking, odds, and putting yourself out there.

[Kenny221]

Hello! I totally understand what you're going through. Just few weeks ago, I was facing a similar problem. I had a friend in New York, and he basically had everything I hoped to achieved. He moved to New York, studied in Musical Theatre, and guys are lining up for him left and right. It was kinda hard for me to listen to his adventures in the Big Apple because my dating life just couldn't compare. I've been on only 2 dates since I came out, and he had 10 dates by the end of next week. Just like you, I just didn't really wanna talk to him because, hell, yeah, I'm jealous. Yeah, I kinda felt like I'm pretty useless and ugly compared to him. But just like what I did, you need to realize that's not true. You are not useless nor ugly. Others of course, will tell you to build your confidence, but I understand it's hard when everything else seems to be tearing you down. Building your confidence will not be easy, but just like me, I know you'll be able to do it. Learn some new things, that you might be good at.

You need to know that it's natural for you to feel sad when others accomplish what you've been trying to all along with ease. It's okay to feel sad. What's not okay, someone told me, is to take it out on your friends. Your friends love you, and it's evident in the way they've worked you into their lives. Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't have some alone time, because yeah, what you're going through is understandable, and alone time is probably going to be needed. Just don't shut them out alright? If it's really bothering you , you should talk about it to your friends. I'm sure they'll understand why, and you'll feel better. This is really something I'm still somewhat struggling with myself from time to time, but I really wish both of us the best of luck!

[TwisttheLeaf]

As another above said, a boyfriend isn't going to help you solve your problems, man. I know it looks like the answer, but a relationship will only add a new variety of hurdles for you to work through.

My suggestions are as follows...

1) Seek out counseling for your depression. Even if you don't want to go on medication (which is understandable), going into counseling will help. If you can't afford to pay, look into public mental health initiatives and see if they have anything like a "pro-rated" plan where you pay what you can afford rather than a flat rate.

2) Appreciate your friends. Life isn't about having a boyfriend, it's about enjoying the company of those you choose to be around and that are around you. Boyfriends aren't the be-all end-all of everything... but friendship can come damned close.

3) STOP screwing with your phone when out at the club. You're going there to meet people, right? I mean, that IS why you're there isn't it? So stop putting yourself in a corner and making yourself appear unapproachable.

I think that about covers it, yeah? Good luck man.

[Rod]

Hello. This is my very first post here. I am going to make this as short as possible:
I am a 28 year old gay male, I am from a small and homophobic town, homophobic parents, most of my childhood, adolescence and and even now as a adult I've been dealing with depression.
I have some gay friends (which live in another city) that I met several years ago and a casue of my internal issues I decided stop talking to them, and then I got even more depressed and lonely. 2 Years later I got in touch with them again, because I couldn't handle living in my house around those closed minded people anymore in that shitty neighborhood, so I found another job and move out to the city where they live.
They have been very nice to me and intoduced me to their friends, so we hang out a lot to their houses and gay clubs, etc, but here's the problem:

All of them are in long term relationships, they have their lives figured out, they travel, are out and proud, are professionals, etc. While I have nothing, I've wasted most of my life feeling depressed. I've never had a boyfriend, still studying, still hiding from my family, so I feel horrible when I am with them, like I don't fit there. Seriously, I really don't know when feel the worst: alone or hanging out with them.
They want me to find a man, but I've tried every freaking dating app without any luck, I'm just average/ugly, not really handsome, so I am pretty insecure about how I look and that make things even worse, I have a crush on a guy at work but there is nooo way that I am going to say anything to him. He is very handsome and I don't think he is into ugly guys like me
I don't really know what to do, when we go to gay clubs is very awkward, when they dance with their patners and kiss each other While I'm in a corner checking my Instagram, I don't know what

to do or where the F I belong.
They are very nice and have good intentions, they want to see me happy, but I don't know if this is healthy hanging out with people that have everything that I don't.
When we go out I feel 40% great and 60% down.....
(We are 9 people 3 gay couples and 1 lesbian couple).
Do the math.
Just last night one of them invited me to a restaurant next Sunday. I really don't now what to do. Any advice?

no no no no no.

you stop that right there mister.

you are beautiful. if you are having vanity issues post a pic of yourself and i will gladly help you myself on how to make yourself feel more confident. every man i have ever met has a feature that can be chiseled and accentuated to really make him handsome. ill give you make up tips or anything to make you stick out for your crush.

and you better make sure your opening doors for him to peek into your life.if hes single and gay he will surely give an ear, you be sure to drop hints that your into boys. talk about anything to other co workers. how hot X celebrity is, how you like how he dresses. ANYTHING to make him feel like he can approach you. you need to stop thinking about age because its clouding your mind. your impression of time is making you think recklessly in a situation you should be treating with great care and great attention. every detail counts. theres no such thing as an average guy. all of them are beautiful and unique. and you need to find out what people like most about you and REALLY POLISH THAT FEATURE. if you believe your personality is amazing than by god i want you out there really giving it your all to people. be sincere with every compliment and mean everything to the last word. make someones day brighter and be humble with everything! you post a pic of yourself and ill gladly give you tips on how to really shine yourself up to impress mr hottie. you go out there and fight to be his friend first and formost. toss your fears away and take little risks. open your arms figuratively and let him know you are here for him and you want to be with him. if hes having a bad day at work you better bring him a coffee. youd better reassure his ass and offer him help. show him your worth having. if you never say or do anything than your just gonna remain a fly on the wall, invisible. MAKE YOURSELF KNOWN. Its not about sex but about intergrity, honesty, and love. if you arent confident enough that what we're here for. let us help you become stronger.

[EONP0987]

Well I can relate because I am 29, single, pretty much average and not the greatest looking person and kind of overweight. I'm insecure about my looks and although I have learned to overcome some of those demons it still gets me down. I live in rural area in western NC and most of the people aren't the friendliest when it comes to gays. I have several friends who are in long term relationships, they're wealthy, live in a nice home and been togeather almost 10 years and another older friend of mine over 20 years. I often feel that I'll never meet anyone.

It tough, there isn't an easy way to deal with it but knowing you're not the only one feeling the same way and knowing that there isn't anything wrong with you. If there's any advice I can give is that you got to learn to love yourself and to accept yourself. Easier said than done, I still struggle with all that but I'm getting better and so can you. You never know how quickly things can change but you got to let it happen. Hang in there, don't dwell on the fact that you're single, and dating apps for the most part probably should stay away from. I don't know how many times I get depressed and bummed out by trying to look for dates with certain dating apps.

Hey man, thanks you know what gets me more sad? The fact that they aren't "models" at all, one of them just flew to the United States last week to get married on December the 19 and start a new life in a beautiful house in North Carolina, another couple is going to make a big celebration because they finally are going to live together here some blocks away from my house.
They are not "ripped" or "masculine" even the one that isla getting married is overweith and he's the happiest man ever. We met through a Britney Spears fansite in 2005 I believe.

What hurts me the most is that I don't know what's wrong with me. Everybody is likeable but me.
They don't mind dancing Beyoncé songs like crazy ( I hate her) they don't give a F about stereotypes. They do what they want and they patents had a really bad time dealing with the fact that their children are gay.


I don't like be the center of atention. I try to be "normal" you know I don't even dance in gay clubs.
If they were extremely hot I'd understand but most of the time that I am the only unloveable person in the planet. I also decide to set a pic of myself as avatar here so you guys can have a better perspective about me.

When it comes to you, I don't see any flaw on your pic and I REALLY appreciate that you guys have take some time just to write such nice words. You deserve the best. Thanks.

[EONP0987]

you are beautiful. if you are having vanity issues post a pic of yourself and i will gladly help you myself on how to make yourself feel more confident.

I just set a pic of myself as avatar. Best of the luck finding something good there my friend. :/

It is hard because that guy makes me feel a mix of desire and jelousy: I like him but at the same time I wanna be like him I can't. I prefer things stay the same.

Guys on Grindr remind me how not hansdome I am. I don't need to hear it from him.

[Cridders88]

Wtf Eon? Wtf? You describe yourself as ugly. So that was not how I was expecting your avatar to look like. Ugly? Far from it. You are actually a pretty attractive guy. And trust me when I say that, as everyone close to me knows, I am a straight forward guy. I only say what I mean. If you really were unattractive to me, I wouldn't be saying this.

You need to stop comparing yourself to others. When you go to bars, get your head out of your phone. I'll say it again. You are far from ugly. So stop hiding away.

Edit: Just seen your most recent post. Get off Grindr. That app is shallow and soul destroying. Do not base opinions of yourself from people on there. They are "model" types who are just after a fuck with other "models". It'll get you nowhere.

You don't have to be a stereotypically gorgeous, ripped model type to get anywhere in life. Not all guys are so shallow to be only attracted to that. You need to realise this dude. I actually find ripped guys a turn off.