Making friends

[AlfredM]

Yesterday, I had an anxiety attack. The trigger was so trivial; somebody that joined GS later than me used another name to address another somebody, talking about their chats the other day. The second somebody, we messaged once with each other, but the conversation died rather quickly, I didn't even get to know his other name.

Now, I've always had this invisible wall when I try to make friends IRL. Actually, the second part, maintaining friendship, is even harder for me. You could say I'm an introvert who's socially awkward. I haven't been diagnosed with social anxiety yet, but I suspect that I do have it. What I don't get it is,most people who's socially awkward IRL is not so online. But not me, I still face difficulties in making friends in the internet.

For example, when I was playing online game, I prefer to play solo most of the time to level up, and even after I joined a guild, it was hard for me to mingle with my guildies on personal level. Sure, I joined guild activities from time to time like going to dungeon or guild war, all on what IRL would consider as acquaintance level, nothing sort of friendship level.

Here on GS, I tried to participate giving advice to people with my little experience and knowledge, and recently started being active on word games as well. Fuck it, I still am way behind in connecting with others here on personal level. It feels like everybody else are friends with each other but me. Like I'm trying to join a group of friends.

I was actually quite happy with my progress after participating in word games, cause I got to get to know some people even if it wasn't on friendship level. But I just had to get that anxiety attack from that stupid thing.

I guess I'm stuck at how to go to the next level. Messaging people randomly could warrant for premature ending of the conversation, like what happened with that second somebody. I just wanna know how do you guys make friends here, on a personal level. Seems like everybody is always chatting with each other. I wanna join too!

Fuck it, I wanted to make this post anonymously, but what's the point if I wanna make friends. Now excuse me for the late reply after this, I usually get anxiety attack too from just posting a new thread and waiting for a reply, so I'll just go sleep and cut off the internet for now.

[Anocxu]

I see exactly the point you are making here..

Now..
Are you blaming yourself for how this conversation went?

[trywait]

you're doing fine [MENTION=18776]AlfredMamza[/MENTION]

[Insertnamehere]

[MENTION=18776]AlfredMamza[/MENTION]

Man, first of all



So hey, I'll just put it here. At one point it got like this: I went out and the first crowd encroachment got me freaked out to the point I had to go hide somewhere and cry. YAY! :eek:

Up to this point it still sort of happens when I get off the train and the mob is coming towards me.....

Honestly, man, you're a not alone in feeling like that and you'd be surprised how many indeed pack this kind of issues.

For me, obviously online is easier than real life, but a few peeps here will tell you it wasn't quite like that at first.

I've heard a few times the words "you've come out of your shell" said to me.

The little chat bar below, that was anxiety inducing. Most times peeps had to initiate convos with me.

Chatroom....oh man....no, no, no, no, no......not me.....and then it was...I needed coercion for that.

PM's......OMG I thought telling my boss I had fucked up at word was hard....and then it wasn't.

The process differs for everyone. In length and in form.

All I have to say...don't give up. At first, you maybe reactive more than anything...I still am...it will pass.

Some will talk, some will not...some will be weird, other super approachable, some tend to be fluid, some are not so much lol, we all have a our perks.

Don't let yourself be troubled here, at least. Trust me, there is a good lot of people and I for one, have found pleasant getting to know you a bit from posts. , which means, and take note, that you are doing a good job at presenting yourself! You are not some random stranger in this forum!

[Cridders88]

Aww, Alfred, I had no idea you were feeling like this. I have enjoyed your presence in the gaming forum and in the main forums aswell in the times we have talked to each other. Big hugs to you man. I felt similar when I first joined. In fact, I promptly left again. The I rejoined, and it was months before I chatted to anyone on the chat bar or chatroom or anywhere not on the main forum itself. Even on the main forum, I got nervous about posting. I am much more comfortable now behind a keyboard, but meeting new people in real life in unfamiliar social surroundings fills me with dread. I guess what I am trying to say, is you aren't alone. I for one, really hope you stick around buddy

As the others have said, from your interactions and postings so far, you are coming across well

[CellarDweller]

You're doing fine, Alfred! Don't put so much pressure on yourself.

[InbetweenDreams]

Well I consider myself a bit socially awkward... I'm very much an introvert myself and hard for me to make friends and sometimes it is hard for me to connect with some people.

But just putting yourself out there and trying will pay off...just push yourself a little bit more as you go. It's not going to totally disappear, don't expect to become extroverted. Embrace who you are.

I has taken me a lifetime to come to terms with who I am and be able to get out of my shell a little bit enough to make friends and have relationships with people.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Hey man. I really like you being around and, although we haven't really talked one -on-one, I enjoy your company here on the board regardless of that.

Like you, I have a hard time making friends. In my case, it has to do with an inability to... "attach", yeah? [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION] once explained it to me when I found it odd that some of the people we know seem to really like and care about me and yet I couldn't seem to figure out.... how the fuck it happened.

Perhaps your anxiety is working as a defense mechanism as well. You fear being hurt, so when someone gets close enough they -could- the anxiety rises?

[MikeW]

...It feels like everybody else are friends with each other but me. Like I'm trying to join a group of friends.
...
I guess I'm stuck at how to go to the next level. Messaging people randomly could warrant for premature ending of the conversation, like what happened with that second somebody. I just wanna know how do you guys make friends here, on a personal level. Seems like everybody is always chatting with each other. I wanna join too!
...

Well, I'm glad you didn't make this an anonymous post. As others have said, I had no idea you felt this way. You don't come across as particularly "socially awkward" in the forum, to me. But, then again, maybe I'm not paying close enough attention.

I can relate to some of what you're saying. I don't know that I have some social anxiety disorder but for sure, especially when I was younger, especially around people I didn't know well, I always felt uncomfortable and self-conscious. Even now in some situations I end up feeling like a total outsider. Alien from another planet.

I've bolded a couple things. When ever we have feelings or presumptuous such as these, it is best to check them out. There may very well be some truth to the observation, but it may also be that we're making it out to be more than it is.

As for "how to do it"... think of it as "playing". Playing at finding ways of being entertaining. You may fail. You may feel totally stupid. But that's part of the game. I think most people who engage in chit-chat just don't take themselves or anything said overly seriously. Doing so changes he whole dynamic.

I'm too sleepy to be posting. ;\

[Jay]

So you're having problem socializing in real life?

When you drop by to KL, I'll take you out for lunch. Maybe interacting with another gay friend with almost similar background can help you out. Besides I always thought it would be fun to meet another friend from GS in real life. It's like meeting up a longtime pen pal. Just to say hi and chat around.

People say, the more good friends you have, the merrier.