Afraid of straight men

[cavillr]

Hey you guys!

So I've been suffering from moderate anxiety and depression (it was even worse before - medication and therapy do help) and it would hopefully get better with time.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about - it's about, as the title says, me being just absurdly self-conscious around other people.

Reasons: I look mediterranian/southern-italian-looking, so I stand out like a sore thumb, and I'm gay. I grew up in a relatively homophobic country (neither Arab nor muslim so don't go there) so that has a lot to do with it. People (surprisingly) don't usually notice the nervousness that shocks my head. Here in Germany, I have come out to a few guys, and they've been pretty positive about it. But every guy is a different individual - having been afraid and worthless in that respect throughout adolescence, I realize that that's my physiological response to that situation.

In addition, I have met homophobic people here, and those experiences (as do those from my past) stick out vividly in my memory, dreams and thoughts. It feels like no matter where in the world I could possibly be, no matter what I achieve, I'd always be in an atmosphere that could hurt me and deny me for just being me. And it's that EXACT feeling that is so well highlighted everytime I meet someone new - that there is a good chance that they might hate/hurt/demean me etc. Even if the other person was in fact being nice, I still feel insecure because I feel they're pretending to be okay with it to seem externally polite, but that they actually are judgmental.

Along with all of this, there's another important factor - I'm really into the sciences: science fair winner, several grades ahead and so on.. so a lot of the time, other people and their conversations bore me. I find clubbing and bars uninteresting (too noisy and seems pointless) and it's really often just science and stuff like politics that makes me connect with people. Or they could just be very very funny and are ok being good friends with a nerd like me, I could then talk to them now and then about how their lives are going, but I couldn't really meaningfully connect with someone who had JUST that to talk about.

My question is, how do other men go on with their lives seemingly nonchalant about being gay since a lot of what I said can be applied to many people? How do they deal with talking to straight men without flipping out? How do they not let their lives be consumed by this fear and anxiety?

[vuzuz]

cipralex and shrnink will do the job and youll gain your life back

[vuzuz]

so with time you anxiety will decrease and then you will be able to do what you need. its like a magic
and i heared that you can integrate the medication with cbt treatments which together can gain an amazing effect

[vuzuz]

and there are several drugs offcourse with prepscription that you can consume when you are anxious and can temporarly relax you

[thawoods]

gotta tell you a bit of a truth here, straight men are just jealous of gay men, whether it is by looks, talent or excellence ... all they do is bend their bows towards you, waiting for you to fall, they're already below you, so don't worry ... but i guess the number one thing they hate about us is, we know how to make girls happy ... all they do is f#ck the shit out of girls, they have no clue how to handle them ... they only seek vengeance for their affliction/ afflicted ones ...

[shyl4l]

I think everone has anziates and fears. When someone is trying to hate just remember there are more of us who will give you love. Hold you head up be who you are!! You sound pretty dam great! & there are always people here to listen , love, understand & give support or advice

[Anocxu]

I can totally relate to standing out .. it's totally affected my life to the point where I dress down.. Talk about anxiety.

T-shirt ..gym shorts.. sneakers.. I realized I was doing this because of anxiety. . If you ignore the fact that I am towering almost 6'2 I think I blend in just fine. ( riiiiight)

Now enough about me..

The way you react to your anxieties is all in your head.
Take an honest look at your anxieties. . See how they are affecting your life and ask yourself. . "Am I making mountains from ant hills?"
Are my feelings valid or just superficial ?..

Take it from there.
Also..
Pay very close attention to your diet.. Sugar. Caffeine..energy drinks..and excessive carbohydrates are the worst for anxieties.
Exercise regularly. . Get proper amount of sleep.. try all the above before you commit to any medication.

Best wishes. .
Keep us posted. .

[LJay]

They find ways to hide or deal with their anxieties and get on with life?

They drink like fish?

They work for a sound mind in a sound body and accept that everyone is subject to some of these anxious feelings. We just have to do the best we can.

[supasyd]

a lot of guys are cunts. if mao and hitler were gay theyd have probably been ok guys.

[larafan25]

Approach your anxiety from a different perspective. It's likely you have developed a prejudice towards heterosexual men. You have an expectation based on your past experiences, that your future encounters will be unpleasant. This is practical, however you're afraid of this exact thing. Pre-judgement. You don't want to be judged so focus on not judging those you encounter. If you find true confidence within yourself then you can move your mind's focus away from protecting yourself and back to protecting others in their experiences with you.