hey guys,
so i decided to ask him if he was interested in me taking him out for dinner, because i wanted to get to know him better in person rather than endless texting.
for me, if he doesnt get back to me with a date for me to book dinner, then i'm going to back away from this, because endless texting is not for me, and neither is friendship.
I don't know why, but I find it very difficult in being friends with guys...all my friends happen to be girls.
So in a way, I do hope he'll reach out with a date, but i feel better knowing that this is the last chance i'm giving myself.
X
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aaaa1aaaaaa Wrote:hey guys,
so i decided to ask him if he was interested in me taking him out for dinner, because i wanted to get to know him better in person rather than endless texting.
for me, if he doesnt get back to me with a date for me to book dinner, then i'm going to back away from this, because endless texting is not for me, and neither is friendship.
So in a way, I do hope he'll reach out with a date, but i feel better knowing that this is the last chance i'm giving myself.
X
While I certainly admire your ability to make this a last chance type of thing, you might wait until you see how he responds. I'm always concerned when throwing words like "date" or "take you out" because of the seriousness they can imply. If he seems iffy on dinner (not straight up turning you down but maybe noncommittal) maybe consider lunch or even something less formal like watching a sporting event or something.
To me, dinner always seems like a bigger deal than lunch or just a casual hangout. I've said before I'm new to this whole "liking someone more than a friend" thing so maybe I'm 100% wrong in my though process having never dated anyone, ever.
At the same time, I understand how you might not want to hold on to this since, from your explanations, you seem to be more about a physical, in person connection. So take what I said with a grain of salt. Best of luck and keep us informed!
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Guys, i sent this yesterday and now i feel like a complete fucktard. I just want to curl up and die.
"I've been thinking about this for a while, more so since after asking you out for dinner. I wanted to chat about this in person because texting can come across differently.
I'm still unsure as to whether you like me, and maybe I've compromised our friendship by wanting more than what you can give. But For me, it was always to get to know you better, and not settle down, and endless texting seems to be where we're at.
I think maybe you and I could take a break from whatever we're doing.
It's been a very long time since I've met someone that I would've loved to get to know, and if you're ever ready to see me, give me a call. �� Dinner still stands ��
X"
I didnt see that he had messaged me on saturday, and on sunday i just threw this in. What am i supposed to do besides wait. I just want to hide forever and never come back out under a rock...i actually feel really bad having sent it.
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hey guys, im in a bit of an even worse situation at the moment.
so i sent him a message on sunday, saying that i wasnt sure if he liked me or not, and that we should take a break from whatever we're doing. i also ended it by saying that whenever he's ready to see me in person, dinner will still stand.
I feel like a complete idiot, because he actually messaged me saturday and i didnt see it (messaged me on a different snapchat account) and i sent the message yesterday to him.
what do i do. im in agony, feeling like i should just hide and never come out again.
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Well, unless his message on Saturday was taking you up on your offer, I don't see that you are in any different of a situation.
Stick to your guns if what you want is to meet in person, and get to know him in real life (IRL)
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that's true. it was the usual message, where we just chit chat.
though he has messaged me every day since i asked him for dinner, but in the end its just going around in a circle...
i don't know how to feel about this. or what to do, but as you say "stick to my guns"
...=(
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aaaa1aaaaaa Wrote:that's true. it was the usual message, where we just chit chat.
though he has messaged me every day since i asked him for dinner, but in the end its just going around in a circle...
i don't know how to feel about this. or what to do, but as you say "stick to my guns"
...=( I agree with Kindy64. Did he even give an answer about liking you? Stay strong, you have no reason to back away from your initial statement of meeting in person. It might suck, and it's gonna hurt but letting him change your mind with a snapchat might send the wrong message.
The everyday messaging might be him realizing that you're closing in on the end so it might be a "crap I'm going to lose him" thought process on his end. Which isn't bad but if he keeps you hanging on and still avoids meeting, what have you gained?
Not to be harsh, but the quicker you determine when enough is enough, the quicker you can eventually start getting over the grieving. I've been a victim of holding on until just a couple days ago. It sucks big time but once you finally say to yourself, "you know what? I'm tired of feeling like crap" you'll feel really good about yourself.
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pman117 Wrote:I agree with Kindy64. Did he even give an answer about liking you? Stay strong, you have no reason to back away from your initial statement of meeting in person. It might suck, and it's gonna hurt but letting him change your mind with a snapchat might send the wrong message.
The everyday messaging might be him realizing that you're closing in on the end so it might be a "crap I'm going to lose him" thought process on his end. Which isn't bad but if he keeps you hanging on and still avoids meeting, what have you gained?
Not to be harsh, but the quicker you determine when enough is enough, the quicker you can eventually start getting over the grieving. I've been a victim of holding on until just a couple days ago. It sucks big time but once you finally say to yourself, "you know what? I'm tired of feeling like crap" you'll feel really good about yourself.
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no he hasn't actually replied. all he does is still look at my snapchats.
harsh is better than being soft. the advice is brutal and honest, and i can honestly say i hope he does call me, but if he doesn't, i'll know that i've given myself ample time to move on.
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aaaa1aaaaaa Wrote:i can honestly say i hope he does call me, but if he doesn't, i'll know that i've given myself ample time to move on.
For your sake I hope he does come around and realize how much you care for him (that will give me hope in my own situation too). But if not, knowing that you've set an endpoint will help you in the long run.
This may be me hijacking this thread and my experience in this stuff is non existent so if this sounds like nonsense, chances are high it is lol. I've said before you and I are in similar situations. For the last several weeks, I've been dealing with bouts of severe anxiety, wasn't sleeping well and possibly touching on depression (I'm a very emotionless person too which goes to show how bad I was) at times because all I would do is think about if/how into me the other guy is, what I was doing wrong and what could I do to improve my chances. Fact of the matter is, there's nothing I needed to change, he's not wanting to date yet, he enjoys hanging out with me and we have a good time when we do. I need to accept that and, as he told me a few weeks ago, I need to sit back, relax and "just let things happen". I realize you haven't got to the "hanging out stage" but still kind of applies.
Anyway about 3-4 days ago I sat down and started thinking about what was happening. I mean really thinking about it. I ended up repeatedly telling myself that it is not my place to pick who likes me and how much if they do. I continued to realize that I was almost starting to get upset at him because of the way I was feeling while he seemed to be virtually unfazed by it all. At that point I realized just how messed up I was making myself. If I like a guy so much that I actually get angry at him for my own self-induced suffering then what the hell am I doing?
I can't really explain how I did it, it kind of just hit me right around then that I needed to drop the expectations of being something more (at least for now) and get back to enjoying him as a good friend. One who I am very lucky to know and have in my life, regardless of future events. Since then it has been night and day, I kid you not. No anxiety, no heart-sinking feelings, I've been sleeping better and it seems to have happened just like that. I guess I'm saying that to let you learn from my errors and grant you something to look forward to if this doesn't work out. You will get over it. It may take you a good 4-6 weeks like me (maybe longer, who knows) but eventually it will happen and you'll feel amazing and be so proud of yourself knowing that you made it though and in by doing so, you will ultimately be better off.
(I credit a lot of my "epiphany" to the people on this blog, specifically those that who replied to this particular thread. This is truly a wonderful resource and the advice, while not always what you want to hear, is top notch and has been incredibly helpful. Abuse it. As long as there are people here willing to help, there's nothing to lose and everything to gain).
Cheers and best of luck as always,
--pman117
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pman117 Wrote:For your sake I hope he does come around and realize how much you care for him (that will give me hope in my own situation too). But if not, knowing that you've set an endpoint will help you in the long run.
This may be me hijacking this thread and my experience in this stuff is non existent so if this sounds like nonsense, chances are high it is lol. I've said before you and I are in similar situations. For the last several weeks, I've been dealing with bouts of severe anxiety, wasn't sleeping well and possibly touching on depression (I'm a very emotionless person too which goes to show how bad I was) at times because all I would do is think about if/how into me the other guy is, what I was doing wrong and what could I do to improve my chances. Fact of the matter is, there's nothing I needed to change, he's not wanting to date yet, he enjoys hanging out with me and we have a good time when we do. I need to accept that and, as he told me a few weeks ago, I need to sit back, relax and "just let things happen". I realize you haven't got to the "hanging out stage" but still kind of applies.
Anyway about 3-4 days ago I sat down and started thinking about what was happening. I mean really thinking about it. I ended up repeatedly telling myself that it is not my place to pick who likes me and how much if they do. I continued to realize that I was almost starting to get upset at him because of the way I was feeling while he seemed to be virtually unfazed by it all. At that point I realized just how messed up I was making myself. If I like a guy so much that I actually get angry at him for my own self-induced suffering then what the hell am I doing?
I can't really explain how I did it, it kind of just hit me right around then that I needed to drop the expectations of being something more (at least for now) and get back to enjoying him as a good friend. One who I am very lucky to know and have in my life, regardless of future events. Since then it has been night and day, I kid you not. No anxiety, no heart-sinking feelings, I've been sleeping better and it seems to have happened just like that. I guess I'm saying that to let you learn from my errors and grant you something to look forward to if this doesn't work out. You will get over it. It may take you a good 4-6 weeks like me (maybe longer, who knows) but eventually it will happen and you'll feel amazing and be so proud of yourself knowing that you made it though and in by doing so, you will ultimately be better off.
(I credit a lot of my "epiphany" to the people on this blog, specifically those that who replied to this particular thread. This is truly a wonderful resource and the advice, while not always what you want to hear, is top notch and has been incredibly helpful. Abuse it. As long as there are people here willing to help, there's nothing to lose and everything to gain).
Cheers and best of luck as always,
--pman117
I felt exactly the same way as you, and in all honesty i was getting upset at him for my own emotions. Im an over thinker, and what i really need to do is take a big step back and learn to control my feelings.
My message to him was unprovoked by him, but mainly because I was stressed out by another event that had happened in my life and to compensate, I sent that message. Being honest about it, it was my fault and ive come to terms with him about it. Maybe i couldn't handle leaving him, or maybe i truly did know i lashed out for no reason. but whatever it is, right now im at peace with myself and him, and i can actually move on slowly with my life, which has been on halt for quite some time.
Really appreciate you sharing your story, because it's given me another way to handle this situation, which i have been rather blind about. and to everyone who has provided their advice, it is so generous and supportive of you all, and i cannot imagine having to gone through this without any kind of support outside of people who know me.
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