I'm in love with an older man..

[Paulh]

Hello there,
I'm new on this forum, I'm almost 18, I'm french and I wanted to share my story with you so you can tell me what you think about it (I've only talked about it to a close friend but I can't say everything I feel). Excuse my mistakes, I am not bilingual !
Around Xmas, I went on a french gay chat site and a 26yo guy came to me. Right from the beginning he sent me a picture of himself and I truly thought, wow he is handsome and seems really nice. So we talked a little bit on this site and then we started talking on Snapchat. At the beginning it was I guess more than a little bit sexual, but he didn't want to do anything before we knew each other well, which I appreciate. So today, we are still in touch, but it's not like at the beginning, he used to tell me really nice things, like I love your smile (actually he told me that once more two days ago ^^), come withe I need company. And then he went through a bad time and we didn't speak for like 2weeks. That's when I realized I was in love with him, oh so much ! I never saw him in real, but anyway.. I really want to see him, maybe not for the same reason we started to talk, I deeply hope there could be a little something between us, but I know it's hard.. We don't live in the same city (about an hour far by car). He told me he would Come but every time I ask him if he could come, the following weekend for example, there is always something else... I don't know what to do, so please guys, tell me what you think about it ! Thank you !

[VirgoMasquerade]

I hate to say this but.... To me it sounds like from what you said it sounds like he only wanted a sexual relationship with a hot young twink (you) and IMO that isn't a good way to get your feet wet in dating. I know you grew feelings for him but i don't think they are the feeling he has for you. I think you should cut your losses and try and stay away from dating sites like those, Mainly when some gay men see guys like you, it tends to attract daddies (older men) If that's what your into go and have fun kid but always make sure your doing things safely and not thinking with your dick and not your mind

[Paulh]

First, thanks for answering ^^
You might be right, in fact once I told him I have a few feelings for him and answered me that for now he sees me as a friend, a virtual friend but a friend anyway. And then when I asked him for a weekend, he couldn't and said, we'll manage to meet. I stopped going on this site, too much perverts there... He is really nice and I don't wanna stop talking to him :/

[VirgoMasquerade]

First, thanks for answering ^^
You might be right, in fact once I told him I have a few feelings for him and answered me that for now he sees me as a friend, a virtual friend but a friend anyway. And then when I asked him for a weekend, he couldn't and said, we'll manage to meet. I stopped going on this site, too much perverts there... He is really nice and I don't wanna stop talking to him :/

Well dont let that bring you down, You are still young and got a whole life ahead of you. You will have many many dates lovers,boyfriends. You just got to keep that head up and be ready for the next event! If you want some other gay guys to talk to stay a little while here, We are a friendly bunch of guys that do tend to flirt

[Paulh]

Well dont let that bring you down, You are still young and got a whole life ahead of you. You will have many many dates lovers,boyfriends. You just got to keep that head up and be ready for the next event! If you want some other gay guys to talk to stay a little while here, We are a friendly bunch of guys that do tend to flirt

Thanks a lot ! You bring a new vision of this situation

[meridannight]

it's an internet site. you can't expect much from that. and, don't take this the wrong way, but it is not possible to fall in love with someone who you have never met in person. your feelings are in response to an image of who you think he is. you have never met him, you have no idea what kind of man he really is. if you met him, you might not like him, or you might even like him more. but you cannot adequately gauge another's character from written communication alone.

and this thing:

You might be right, in fact once I told him I have a few feelings for him and answered me that for now he sees me as a friend, a virtual friend but a friend anyway.

truth be told, it would make me uncomfortable too to have a guy tell me he had feelings for me if he never even met me. -- wouldn't it make you uncomfortable if you were just chatting with a guy and it went nice and looked promising, only to have him tell you out of the blue he has developed feelings for you?

it feels uncomfortable because it's too strong a response for the degree of involvement of interaction, which is superficial. people don't get invested that strongly from superficial interaction alone. if they do, it's happening too easily for them and it consequently implies instability of affect. it's not a positive impression. and it makes one feel uncomfortable because you know they are creating this image of you in their head and it has no basis in reality if they've never met you.

i'm guessing that was the reason he hit the brakes on his side. he probably felt it was getting too far, and he didn't want to encourage those feelings in you.

there's nothing wrong with falling in love. it's a beautiful experience. but try to understand that you need to actually meet the guy in person and know what he's like, for it to be real. otherwise, it's just an image, a creation of your own mind that you're falling for.

try to keep your emotions under control when you're interacting with guys online. if you do develop feelings, don't tell them outright like that. you can express your enthusiasm for meeting them and talking to them, and keep it at that until you've met them in real life and have a better understanding of the potential between you.

all the best.

[Paulh]

it's an internet site. you can't expect much from that. and, don't take this the wrong way, but it is not possible to fall in love with someone who you have never met in person. your feelings are in response to an image of who you think he is. you have never met him, you have no idea what kind of man he really is. if you met him, you might not like him, or you might even like him more. but you cannot adequately gauge another's character from written communication alone.

Actually I think this is exactly the response I was hoping for. You are totally right, I never saw him in person and might be disappointment if he is not like I thought he would. I didn't think a second it could be embarrassing for him, and I should have. I know I get to close to people in general not only in this situation. But right now I think it would be good if we met because I could say to myself, wow buddy calm down, or like you said it would grow my feelings up. I don't consider it as a game, but if we stopped talking I guess it would be like a sort of "defeat", you see what I mean?
It's even weird for myself to realize I never felt like that before, maybe because this is a bit superficial? Actually this is the first guy I have such feelings for, so this is still new for me... Plus I am clumsy, I don't manage to tell things with proper words.
Thanks for the answer

[Anocxu]

... Plus I am clumsy, I don't manage to tell things with proper words.
Thanks for the answer

How about you slap him over the head with a stop sign?..

Be like... SLAP!!! "Hey... I think I like you!!!"

See you in the emergency room.

[Insertnamehere]

1) I don't know how things work in France regarding laws, but I'm guessing you're a minor still, so is it even legal?

2) You're not in love. This is barely an infatuation.

3) Assuming 1) is not a problem then meet the guy and see how it goes. Be more mindful and less naive. Remain skeptical at all times, until you get to actually meet this guy