I wanna leave my bestfriend

[Darkvalor23]

Hi im new here and I need your advice. This will be LONG! So... I have an online bestfriend that I've met for almost a year now. We've considered each other as bestfriends. He's gay too. We've talked almost everyday for a year now. We would talk for hours! From day to night. Sometimes watching a movie while skyping or playing games.. I live in USA and he lived in Europe. Now he moved to Canada for his studies last January. But we havent met yet tho we plan to in June.

Now here's the problem. Ever since he came to Canada, he's been hooking up with guys alot. Like almost 3x a week, with different guys! He's using grindr and his life pretty much revolves around that app now. He tells me his sex stories and at first I was kinda disgusted. I found it very indecent because im not really that kind of person. And I didn't like that he's turned into like a bottom wh*re who sleeps with everyone and gets f*cked by anyone.

However as time goes by, I tolerated his activities. I was ok with it. After all he still kept talking to me and made time for me. And I cant control him anyway. He's a bit of a nymphomaniac. Plus He has anxiety and has trouble making friends. So he's using the app to make friends and to cope up with his loneliness since he's alone in Canada without family.

Anyway, so we kept our friendship well until recently he barely talks to me now. I feel like he doesnt care about me now. All he cares is about himself and sex. He takes me for granted. Like last month, we were supposed to skype for my birthday but instead he hooked up with someone and let me down. We had a fight about that but I forgave him. But now Im getting pissed off again because I thought he'll make up for that and make more time for me again. But he never did. He always ignores my message and doesn't talk to me. I have had alot of stories that I wanted to tell him but time passed and I just had to forget them. It's irritating. He prefers talking to his grindr friends and having sex even more.

So now, I wanna leave him and forget him. I wanna delete him from my life. Like literally just block him and disappear. Would it make me bad? He doesn't need me anyway and im tired of him letting me down. And I don't wanna be friends with him anymore. If he prefers his sex friends then so be it!

Additional:
I also began getting disgusted with him again. I guess I never really accepted his activities. Just tolerated. But now I cant. I mean his life is all about grindr and sex. And it's even becoming worse. He's done threesomes now and probably soon he can do an orgy. And I find that really nasty to be honest. I don't wanna be associated with someone like that.... He also has a new facebook and has 30 friends (and counting) which are all from grindr and he had sex with. And that really makes me feel weird and uncomfortable. He even plans to take one of them with him when he visits me here. And i really don't wanna meet any of his sex friends because I think they're indecent people who are desperate and have low lives.

Lastly, he never really planned to meet me here in my place. He doesn't like my city and he always tells me that I should be the one to visit him in Canada. He'll only come to me because he's meeting this guy he met on grindr, who now lives in a nearby state to mine. And he just plans to stop over by my place. So it kinda pissed me off again that he would travel to Usa to meet this sex friend but he wont do it for me. Like im just a secondary purpose. Which is another reason why i wanna leave him too!

Anyway that's all. Sorry for such long message! And im sorry if I have such a negative opinion about people who uses Grindr.

[Jake]

An "online bestfriend" lol. I've learn pretty much a lot of thing about social media even though i'm not a fan of it but i've got to say it's pretty much the first time i read about an online "bestfriend" -I'd say my son was right when he said that Facebook and other social media have totally redefined the meaning of friendship, but alright let's go for online best friend.

Reading your story it seems to me that you have pretty much answered your own questions and that you just needed other people's opinions -not advice on your next step.

In short if you don't feel comfortable with the type of relationship you guys have and that his real life behavior annoys you to the point that it's making you uncomfortable, I believe that you clearly know what is the next step.

If his highly sexual behavior disturbs you - I don't know why is that, because honestly you have only one life and if he's about the same age as you are, I'd say that he's experiencing his sexuality and from my point of view it's better for him to do it now than keep it all inside. If he can do it and doesn't mind about meeting people on Grindr and add them all to his social media at this point it's his business.

Taking that you are "online" best friends, I guess there's many other topics that you can chat about than his several meetups and if not it's quite clear that you're not as friend as you believe it to be.

You are clearly unhappy with his behavior, the fact that he ignore you or forget your birthday, but again, this is just an ONLINE friendship which means you may call it Best Friend relationship, but perhaps he sees it at a total different level.

Take your distance for a while and see if he'll catch up to you and when he does if it's only to tell how was his last sexual encounters, if all he want to do with you is to brag about his sexual prowess well, you know where to classify this virtual friendship and find real friends that are closest to you.

BTW since you're a new guy - welcome! How about you create a thread introducing who you are to others

[Cobalt]

Put simply: Your friend is shit.

It happens, people reveal themselves to be shit (if they are indeed, a shit person) sooner or later.
Kick him to the curb. He'll get over it when he's being plowed by stranger # 1045. I'm sure.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Unlike Jake, who seems somewhat skeptical of the bond that can be formed via online interaction, I totally get it. I met my partner online, and we have been in a committed long distance relationship for 8 years and counting. (Or, it will be 8 years in another week, yeah?)

That said? He really doesn't sound like much of a friend at all, in any definition of the word. So IMO? Good riddance. You can find (and deserve) to be treated better. Friendship, like any relationship, takes work. Work that he clearly has no interest in putting in.

[Yeshua]

Unlike Jake, who seems somewhat skeptical of the bond that can be formed via online interaction, I totally get it. I met my partner online, and we have been in a committed long distance relationship for 8 years and counting. (Or, it will be 8 years in another week, yeah?)

Twist with all due respect don't assume you know who my dad is. I've read the very same story and you and your boyfriend have met several times over your 8 years. My own boyfriend is 5 hours away by plane and that MAN that you believe doesn't understand that friendship can occur online or not has made the impossible for me and my boyfriend to meet and keep communicating

He has given me a UK phone number via VOIP, HD cam that I haven't use yet but will eventually so I can have proper video chat. A studio microphone and access to a private and soundproof room.

He's not that skeptical he ask questions he is what he is and I know why he wrote it like that, it's to push to details, but you felt personally reached and answered for the OPs like if my dad doesn't understand what he's doing- trust me he fully knows what he was doing. When the right information is provided, he understand very well but no matter how long this text his, all I can understand in the background is a little love interest from the OP for his best friend and perhaps a bit of disappointment. I may be wrong.

But you, you're wrong about my dad.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Twist with all due respect don't assume you know who my dad is. I've read the very same story and you and your boyfriend have met several times over your 8 years. My own boyfriend is 5 hours away by plane and that MAN that you believe doesn't understand that friendship can occur online or not has made the impossible for me and my boyfriend to meet and keep communicating

He has given me a UK phone number via VOIP, HD cam that I haven't use yet but will eventually so I can have proper video chat. A studio microphone and access to a private and soundproof room.

He's not that skeptical he ask questions he is what he is and I know why he wrote it like that, it's to push to details, but you felt personally reached and answered for the OPs like if my dad doesn't understand what he's doing- trust me he fully knows what he was doing. When the right information is provided, he understand very well but no matter how long this text his, all I can understand in the background is a little love interest from the OP for his best friend and perhaps a bit of disappointment. I may be wrong.

But you, you're wrong about my dad.

Take a breath, man. No need to get worked up enough to derail a thread, yeah?

Jake said, "An "online bestfriend" lol. I've learn pretty much a lot of thing about social media even though i'm not a fan of it but i've got to say it's pretty much the first time i read about an online "bestfriend" -I'd say my son was right when he said that Facebook and other social media have totally redefined the meaning of friendship, but alright let's go for online best friend."

This clearly indicates a level of skepticism, which is fine. LOTS of people are not on board with the whole online friendship/relationship thing. I think it's great that he supports you, but people are more than capable of supporting their loved ones and their loved ones choices without subscribing to those things themselves, yeah?

[LJay]

OP, your friend sounds like a kid with a new box of toys. If that is the way he continues to be and you do not like it, you can simply let things fade quietly without making a fuss over it.

If he is coming to see you, you are perfectly within your rights to say that you would rather he not bring a friend, that you would like to have the time just for the two of you. If he does come, I would keep in mind that he has had multiple sex partners recently and be VERY careful healthwise.

All kinds of relationships can form online. Whenever you are involved in one it is a good idea to keep in mind that you are not obligated to be a certain way, but rather that you should stay true to yourself above all.