My boyfriend of over a year has a sex app on his phone that's making insecure.

[JCasey]

There are a number of ways to handle this situation, but many are likely to cause distrust between you and him. If you take an aggressive or passive-aggressive approach, you risk losing him. Some of those approaches include:
1. Deleting the app from his phone yourself
2. Opening the app while he is in the shower to see the pics and messages (incoming and outgoing)
3. Turning on the notification sound so that he realizes you know the app is still installed (and you can count the number of messages coming in within a certain amount of time).
4. Setting up a profile of your own, to see if he notices/cares.
5. Insisting that he sit down with you and show you his grindr messages.

Perhaps the best option is to remind him of your past, express your feelings and again ask him to delete the app. If he cannot respect your feelings enough to do that, you need to evaluate your relationship with him. Any man of any character at all would delete the app.

I have yet to find a special someone in my life, so when it happens I am not going to do anything to risk losing it. Strong relationships are built upon trust and compromise.

[Baslero]

I was in that situation, but I was the one who happened to be found with a profile in a similar app..., to make a long story short, if you love him, after quarrelling in tears, you'd give him another chance, he'd erase the profile and you'd love yourselves ever after..., or sort of...

[Starman]

Sorry you're going through this. Hopefully I can help you out with some advice.

Dating apps are a bit like a gun, yeah? (hear me out...)

Having a gun is fine. Having it loaded is less fine. Having it loaded and in your partner's hands while you are in the room is NOT OK.

I'm sorry that you've had bad relationships in the past. I can relate all too much. But one thing I can relate about being in your position right now, is that I didn't protect my boundaries. If him having a dating app on his phone is overstepping your boundaries and making you uncomfortable, he needs to either give you one hell of a good reason why it's okay or he needs to delete the app. End of story. It, at the core of it, has nothing to do with wither or not he's cheating on you. It's about your comfort and emotional safety.

I've helped a lot of friends in relationships who are going through the same situation you're going through. Please, just take this slowly and focus on your boundaries. When you confront him about this, use the phrase "I feel like..." instead of "You did this..."

Example: "I feel like you're not respecting my boundaries." instead of "You never respect my boundaries"

It's hard to argue with someone who is just telling you how they feel. It makes it harder for your partner to punch holes in your argument when you use this technique. Being assertive with your boyfriend can be hard, I know. But this next part is when you really have to put your foot down.

At the end of this talk, you need to make an ultimatum. Or a final demand/statement. You need to say "This is my boundary, do not cross it or I have to take action." Except, don't literally say that because you are not Robocop. Instead consider saying "I feel like you're not respecting my boundaries by keeping Grindr. If you want to keep this app, I don't feel comfortable dating you." I know, I know, you're thinking "WOAH, that's too much! I don't want to start a fight!" and in most cases you won't. This is just clarifying how much this is hurting you and that there are serious consequences if he continues.

Hopefully this helps! I just wanted to say one last thing before I go. You said at the end if you should "Man up," and just ignore this. Ironically enough, this is the opposite of being a "Man." Asserting yourself and standing up for your well-being despite the consequences is way more manly than just sitting there and doing nothing and assuming your partners wants trumps yours. This might be hard for you, but in the end you are the most important factor here. I just want to make sure you appreciate your needs too

Best of luck! Let us know if there's anything else that pops up or if you need some advice

[Pix]

Though he still has a sex app (Grindr) on his phone that I noticed when he was flipping through his phone. I had the same app and deleted it early into our relationship because I didn’t need it and because it took up unnecessary space. I brought it up as soon I saw it and asked him why he doesn’t delete it. He mentioned that he’s not logged in but that it’s just amusing to see the people around us who are on it.

Cheaters often say it's harmless or means nothing or some other excuse. But when subjected to the same experience, they hit the roof, because they're lying when they say it's harmless or meaningless and thus assume you are lying as well, so if he doesn't believe you (or otherwise gets angry when you say you don't mind him being on it because you got the app back yourself) then you know not to believe him. (Alternately, he might suggest other partners, which will also tell you he was lying.)

OTOH, if he reacted with a shrug and some casual talk or humor then I'd be inclined to believe him (assuming I didn't have reason to think he saw this post).

[InbetweenDreams]

There lies the issue with the whole thing. People can be quite deceiving. He might shrug it off, play it cool but still be cheating or at the same time have a cow about it and not be guilty. The best advice imo is to simply ask, don't be a dick about it, don't point any fingers but don't be like you're having an intervention with someone who's an alcoholic either...don't be Dr. Phill. I'd try to keep it casual and see what happens from there. Honestly, it shouldn't be a big deal for him to remove it either. I mean if he's after eye candy there is Pornhub...and other things. I mean you don't have to use much brain power to find porn these days.